Page 20 of Ridin' Free

“Kade loves enchiladas. It’s perfect. Seriously, thank you.”

“Yeah. Happy to help.”

She was smiling again when she asked, “You want to meet Lane? Tess is currently hogging him, but I’m sure I could pry him away for you.”

My instincts told me I had to say yes, even if every part of me was screaming no. It would be rude otherwise. How the hell did you tell a new mom you didn’t want to meet her kid?

“Sure, yeah,” I muttered, feigning excitement.

“Come on,” she insisted without hesitation, turning to lead me into another room.

Tess was curled up on the couch, the newborn tucked into the crook of her arm, her gaze glued to the little guy. Mary-Kate was sitting next to her, leaning close, equally as enraptured.

“I swear, I can hardly remember LJ being this small, and it was barely six months ago,” she murmured.

It was hard to tell whether she was talking to us, to him, to Mary-Kate, or to no one.

Mary-Kate replied on behalf of us all as she whispered, “Mommy—I mean, Tess—I don’t think she was everthistiny.”

Tess hummed a quiet laugh and looked at her step-daughter lovingly. “Sweetie, remember what your daddy and I talked about? You can call me mommy if you want to. You don’t have to correct yourself.”

Mary-Kate blushed, nodded, and snuggled a little closer before she semi-repeated, “Mommy, I don’t think sissy was this small.”

“You’re right. She was a couple pounds heavier.”

Looking at Lane, I couldn’t even begin to guess how big he was—smaller than I might have imagined. Far too fragile for the likes of me to get anywhere near him. Not to mention, the maternal energy in the room was too much—too suffocating.

“You know what? I actually have to go,” I began to say, slowly backing my way toward the door.

It was in that moment when Tess looked over and noticed me for the first time. “Oh, hey. Did you want to hold him before you go?”

“Uh, no. I’m?—”

“Whoa. Shit, sorry,” muttered Maverick as he and I collided.

He was in the middle of pulling a shirt on, his hair obviously still wet from a shower.

“It’s fine. I was just leaving.”

“When did you get here? Did I fall sleep in the shower or somethin’?” he asked, looking as dazed and confused as he sounded.

“Phoenix was dropping off dinner. Enchiladas,” replied Jenna.

“No shit? Thanks, Phoenix.” He immediately turned, headed toward the kitchen as he called over his shoulder, “You should stay. Eat with us.”

“I can’t, sorry. I hope you enjoy the food. Let me know if I can help in any other way. And congratulations, really,” I said, glancing between Maverick and Jenna. “I’ll show myself out.”

I barely registered the look of confusion on their faces as I hurried to the door. Whatever they were thinking didn’t stop me. More than their judgement, I feared what would happen if I held their baby in my arms. I was self-aware enough to know mylimits, and I didn’t have nearly enough safeguards erected in my mind to protect me from that part of my history.

I stepped outside, shut the door behind me, and pulled in a deep breath.

Twelve years old.

I shook away the thought.

The past was the past.

I couldn’t undo it.