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CHAPTER FIVE

ALLY

Avoidance is my new coping mechanism. This isn’t ideal, far from it, but it’s my only recourse at the moment.

I’ve perfected the art of dodging Rhys over the past few days, especially after what happened at Grumpy’s. It’s not easy; the house may be big, but with a tight-knit group like ours and every room echoing with life, I manage.

By some miracle, I managed.

I time my meals for when he’s not in the kitchen, slip into my room before he gets home, and keep my conversations in the group chats vague enough to make sure he can’t pinpoint exactly what I’m thinking.

I know it’s pathetic.

I know it’s childish, but I need time.

Time to process the kiss.

Time to understand what it means and what it changes. Time to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do with these feelings I’ve been suppressing for years.

The truth is, I’m terrified.

And most of all, I need time to convince myself that wanting him and having him are two entirely different things.

The problem is, no matter how much I try to escape him, he’s always there.

A shadow in the halls.

A glance across the room.

A name on the tip of someone’s tongue.

And every time I think I have a handle on things, something reminds me of the way his hands felt on my skin, the way his lips crashed against mine like he’d been starving for me for years. It’s enough to make me unravel.

I grip the edge of the counter as I pour myself a cup of coffee, inhaling the bitter scent like it might ground me, like it might keep me tethered to something solid.

The sound of footsteps stomping down the hall pulls me from my thoughts, each heavy step like a drumbeat against my skull. I glance up just as Hayden storms into the kitchen, muttering curses under his breath. Millie trails behind him, arms crossed, her frustration practically radiating off her. Millie and Hayden are staying here now that we are all on baby watch.

“Oh, look,” Hayden grumbles, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “Another day, another lecture.”

Millie scoffs. “Maybe if you stopped acting like a selfish dick, I wouldn’t have to lecture you.”

I blink, trying to make sense of their argument. “Uh, everything okay?”

“No,” Millie snaps, shooting daggers at Hayden. “This idiot thinks he doesn’t have to help me get things ready for the baby.”

Hayden rolls his eyes. “You’ve got Yasmin. You’ve got your dad and Mumma Nat. What do you need me for?”

I stare at him, disbelief creeping into my voice. “She needs you because it’s your baby, Hayden.” How can he not see that?

His jaw ticks, but he doesn’t look at me. “I didn’t ask for this.”

Millie’s face crumples for half a second before she schools her expression, but I see it. The hurt. The exhaustion. She’s trying to stay strong, but I can tell she’s barely holding it together.

“Neither did I,” she answers, voice quieter now, trembling with vulnerability. “But that doesn't mean we get to pretend it’s not happening.”

Hayden’s nostrils flare, and for a second, I think he’s going to say something cruel, but instead, he just shakes his head and pushes away from the counter. “Whatever.”

He storms out of the kitchen, leaving Millie standing there, fists clenched at her sides. I exhale slowly, my heart twisting for her, a dull ache that I can’t quite shake.

“He’ll come around,” I say, not entirely sure if I believe it. Not entirely sure if she believes it.

Millie snorts. “Yeah? When? When the baby’s here? When it’s too late for him to step up?” She shakes her head, swiping at her eyes before the tears can fall. “I don’t need him. I just—I thought maybe he’d care enough to try.”

I reach out, holding her arm, feeling the tension beneath her skin. “He’s scared.”

Her throat bobs as she swallows hard. “So am I.”

The weight of her words presses down on me, heavier than I expect. I feel like I should say something to reassure her, but what? That Hayden’s just being an asshole, and he’ll wake up one day and be ready for this? That’s not how life works. That’s not how Hayden works. I’ve known him long enough to know there are some demons in his head, and if he doesn’t start working them out, he is going to do or say something he won’t ever be able to take back.

She inhales sharply, straightening her shoulders as if steeling herself against the world. “I need to get out of here before I start crying like an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot,” I say firmly, wanting her to believe it.

She gives me a watery smile before turning on her heel and walking out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I take another sip of coffee, but it does nothing to settle the unease curling in my stomach or the echoes of her pain that linger in the room like ghosts.

The whole interaction has me thinking about Rhys and how different he is from Hayden. Rhys would never walk away from someone who needed him.

He’s been protecting people his whole life, carrying responsibilities that aren’t even his to bear. And maybe that’s why I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be able to ask him to choose me—because he’ll always put someone else first.

He’ll always choose duty over desire, and I’ll be the one left waiting, just like Millie.

A wave of dizziness hits me suddenly, making my vision blur at the edges. I grip the counter tighter, inhaling through my nose. It passes quickly, but it’s enough to make my hands tremble slightly.

Not now. Not today.

I push it down, telling myself it’s nothing.

Just stress.

Lack of sleep.

Too much caffeine.

I don’t have time to deal with anything else right now.

Especially not the possibility that my body is trying to tell me something I don’t want to hear.