Page 14 of Revisit the Past (Society of Swans #3)

C aleb’s chest still heaved from the effort of leaping down from his carriage, running up the front steps of Isabel’s country home, and keeping his legs steady before the father of the woman he loved.

“Thank you for admitting me,” he said in as measured a tone as he could manage despite the deafening buzz of his heart.

Mr. Abbott watched Caleb with narrowed eyes.

“It is the least I could do, seeing as you came all this way,” he said, though he did not yet extend the invitation of a seat in his study. “May I inquire as to why you have followed my family all the way to Kent?”

Nerves trampled Caleb’s stomach. He forced a deep inhale. The time had finally come to face the impossible and do the right thing when every voice of reason inside him screamed for him to turn and run. This time, Caleb would not obey, even when he knew his defeat was all but written.

“I owe both you and Miss Abbott an explanation and an apology.”

After another excruciatingly long moment of examination, the older gentleman held out a hand toward the chair across from his desk. “You will explain to me first before I allow you to see my daughter, you understand.”

“Yes, most certainly. I did wish to do just that, for I know I can have no hope with her without your acceptance,” Caleb answered in a rush as he perched on the edge of his seat.

Mr. Abbott leaned forward and planted his elbows heavily on his desk. “Forgive me, my lord, but do you mean to say that you still intend to pursue Isabel? Do you truly think that wise?”

Caleb swallowed against the jagged rock in his throat and prayed with everything in his heart that whatever spilled forth from his mouth would at least be coherent.

“I do not know what is wise any longer, but I know what is true,” he began with a shaky breath. “It is true that I have made many terrible mistakes, and my guilt will always exist in some part of me, even if I were to be blessed with this forgiveness—which I know is not owed to me in any way.”

He paused for breath. Did Caleb imagine that the cold suspicion and quiet anger in Mr. Abbott’s eyes had softened?

“It is also true that, from this day forth, Miss Abbott will never doubt my desire—my need —to be by her side and use all my resources of wealth and mind to foster the happiness she has always deserved.”

“Then why did you abandon her the first time?”

That familiar sensation of danger flooded Caleb every time he considered revealing the truth of Daniel’s death. He offered another prayer, this time to beg his brother’s forgiveness, and confessed.

“And so I kept secret the reality of my brother’s decline, even from the kindest, most understanding soul in the world,” he finished, ignoring the crack in his voice.

Mr. Abbott’s full brows inched up and he rubbed his ruddy cheek. “Goodness, that is a very sad tale, indeed. I am sorry to hear it. Losing a loved one so young… It is no easy thing to bear. You have my sympathy, my lord.”

“Thank you,” Caleb whispered.

“Still, why did you stay away for so long?” the other man asked, his frustration tempered.

Caleb pressed his lips together and lowered his head.

“That is the more challenging question. I suppose I was in mourning and not of sound mind. Time passed and my shame grew while I attempted to dull my grief with constant exposure to new places and sights. None of this excuses my behavior, of course.”

Silence filled Mr. Abbott’s drawing room for several moments, or perhaps it was a mere blink. Caleb had lost all sense of time. He could only focus on taking the man’s questions and concerns as they came and answering with honesty and humility.

Eventually, Isabel’s father nodded and looked down at his desk. His unreadable gaze lingered on a delicate silver filigree frame, angled away from Caleb’s view.

“Well, I cannot say I do not understand that. None of us is sound in grief. The desire to run… I felt it, too, when I lost my Rebecca on the very same night she brought us our darling Maria.”

“I have heard nothing but loving praise for Mrs. Abbott. I am sure her loss shall always be felt keenly, and I am sorry for it,” Caleb offered quietly, imagining the portrait of Isabel’s beloved mother on the other side of the frame that had caught Mr. Abbott’s attention.

Icy dread shot down his spine as he reeled his mind away from that dark corner. If his sanity had nearly been destroyed from the loss of his brother, he did not dare think he had any hope of surviving a loss such as Mr. Abbott had suffered.

The older gentleman’s eyes darted up to his visitor’s face, their familiar kindness slowly returning. He moved the frame.

Normally, Caleb might have blushed to realize he’d been caught staring. Instead, he found himself staring with even more unabashed intensity.

The late Mrs. Abbott had been exceedingly handsome, with a serenity and sagacity in her gaze that was all too familiar to Caleb. To her eldest child, she had also given the starkly contrasting beauty of her coloring, from the porcelain complexion to the deep-black hair to the bright-green eyes that could cut through any room and silence any fear. From Mr. Abbott, Isabel had inherited her round, soft features.

Together, they had made a stunning woman with the most enchanting, gentle, brilliant spirit—sheer perfection such that the world had never seen before or would again.

Until perfection repeated her wonderful qualities in a child of theirs, of course after Caleb and Isabel had taken their time to enjoy each other’s company after their lost years. Was it still too soon for Caleb to turn his thoughts toward the possibility of that future?

“I only wish all the children looked precisely like her, though Isabel comes nearest,” said Mr. Abbott, startling Caleb out of his reverie. “They have no need of my features when I may see myself in a mirror any time I wish. But to see her in them…”

He paused and looked at the young man across from him once more, returning the frame to its usual spot. “Knowing that my wife lives on in Isabel’s sharp mind and Lewis’s love of entertaining distractions and Maria’s confidence is, perhaps, what made the crucial difference for me.”

“How so?” Caleb asked.

Mr. Abbott’s attention drifted back to his wife’s portrait. “It was not easy, by any means, as I am sure you can imagine. I will also admit my own guilt in leaving the children for as long as I did to the care of their aunt, Rebecca’s dear sister, who was in mourning herself. So you see, I understand what it is to lose oneself after such a tragedy and cause greater struggles for those around us.

“But I daresay they helped me return to myself sooner than I may have otherwise done. I love them dearly and did not wish to see them lose both their parents. Rebecca would have haunted me had I allowed such a thing to happen.”

Mr. Abbott chuckled and paused again. Caleb could not decide if his smile was fond or bittersweet. Most likely both. The other man returned his gaze to Caleb.

“Now that I truly consider it, I realize I have thought more harshly of you than you perhaps deserve.”

Hope stirred. Caleb’s heart jolted.

“We were all deeply saddened to hear of your brother’s passing when the news reached us. And now I have a better understanding of why you disappeared. You did him proud by protecting his secret as best you could, which you can trust will remain safe with me as well. But seeing how upset my Isabel was, I failed to give thought to the fact that you—barely more than a child yourself—had just buried your last close relation.”

Caleb’s heart jolted again. To his surprise, there was no pain at the mention of Daniel. Only his awakening hope remained.

“It was a lonely time of life. With Daniel’s permission, my good friend, Lord Wrighthall, did much to see me through those early days and weeks and ensured that I did not wholly abandon my new responsibility. After that, he visited me from time to time and kept me abreast of the most important happenings in Society…and some of Miss Abbott’s happenings. I only wished to know that she was well.

“Still, I had never felt quite so alone. Not only am I an orphan, with both parents gone before I had memory of them, but I am no longer a brother.”

“Heavens, the weight of grief and a title on unsuspecting shoulders! I am quite glad that is a situation I need never contend with,” Mr. Abbott exclaimed quietly as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms loosely over his chest.

“It was much like the rest of it,” Caleb admitted with a glum smile. “Time passes and you realize you have somehow continued living, after all.”

Silence stretched between the two men once more. A pensive expression overtook Mr. Abbott’s features as he nodded slowly. Caleb waited.

“There is one last thing I do not understand. Are you not scheduled to quit London and take a merry band of fellows with you about the country?”

“Yes, and no.” Caleb shook his head with a wry chuckle.

By the time he’d finished explaining, Mr. Abbott’s eyes had gone almost as wide as the face of the clock on the mantel behind him. He, too, shook his head and barked out a laugh.

“Leave it to the ton to concoct their own wild story and convince each other to run away with it! I thought that could be the case, but I was so worried for Isabel. Would you forgive me, my lord, for assuming the worst and acting in haste?”

Caleb couldn’t help the grin spreading across his face and waved a hand in dismissal.

“You acted out of love and responsibility to your child, Mr. Abbott. And, as you rightly said, you had every reason to think Miss Abbott in danger of being harmed again. I seek no apologies and shall accept none, for I am the sole guilty party.”

The lightness spreading through Caleb’s limbs almost had him convinced that he’d succeeded. Isabel herself could still reject him, for which he would never blame her. Yet Caleb immensely appreciated her father’s willingness to listen and understand, no matter the day’s outcome.

All too soon, Caleb’s panic returned. Mr. Abbott grew serious and propped his elbows atop his oak desk once more. He did not look at the younger man, his gaze fixed on something beyond, thoughtful.

“Do you promise that you will never make my precious daughter despair again? Do you promise that you truly will do everything in your power to secure her daily happiness?”

Every muscle in Caleb’s body sprang into action. He hovered over the very edge of his chair, hands gripping the carved armrests.

“I do promise, to the best of my ability, whatever the requirements. She shall never again shed a tear of sorrow on my behalf. If I could contrive it, she should never have occasion to shed any tears but those of the purest happiness. Alas, I know well enough that I cannot ask for so much in the course of life, but I will ask it regardless with every prayer, for her sake.”

Mr. Abbott’s small smile disappeared behind his steepled fingers. “A rousing argument, indeed. Have you any closing statements for me to ponder? Or questions, I should say?”

That was the final jolt Caleb’s heart required. It began an unbridled gallop toward his most dearly held dream.

Without thinking, he rose from his chair. Mr. Abbott did the same.

Daniel had told him long ago that this was the sort of thing a man did standing on his own two feet, though he’d never had the opportunity to do so himself. Caleb prayed that his brother watched from above with pride and approval. For the first time since that awful day, Caleb felt this particular prayer had been answered.

“Mr. Abbott, may I request your daughter’s hand in marriage…if she will have me?”

For some increasingly disconcerting reason, Mr. Abbott still did not look at Caleb.

“Yes, you may request her hand. As for the other part, well, perhaps that is best left to her, do not you think?”

There was no time for relief to wash over him.

“Caleb…”

The glorious racing of his heart stilled to a peaceful, natural rhythm. He turned to the door.

Isabel was here and all was right in the world.