Page 5 of Revisions (By Design #17)

Chapter Three

Jameson

Everything in my life changed when I fell in love with Candace; everything except the need to work hard. I don’t view our marriage as work . I’ve invested more in our relationship than anything in my life. Navigating a large family of larger-than-life personalities, competing ideas, and passionate opinions demands attention and investment. I graduated third in high school and made the All-State basketball team in my junior and senior years. Both required loads of work. Candace and I have many things in common. Our work ethic is among them. We understand that intelligence and talent will only take a person so far. The greatest minds in the world, the most celebrated athletes, innovative scientists, and revered artists possess as much perseverance and dedication as they do ability. Anything worth having, anything you cherish, demands care.

“Jameson?”

I offer Pearl a smile. “I thought you’d be taking advantage of a quiet evening.”

Pearl flops onto the sofa with a thump.

“Bored?” I ask.

“Jameson, do you know how often I hear quiet?”

“Isn’t the point of quiet that you don’t hear anything?”

“Exactly!”

I laugh. Someone is always whispering into Pearl’s ear unless she’s whispering in theirs. “It is strange without voices everywhere.”

“You look worried,” Pearl says.

“No.”

“Nice try.”

“I’m not worried. ”

“Candy is tired,” Pearl observes.

“Candace needs someone outside these walls and our family to talk to, Pearl.”

Pearl sighs heavily.

“You think so, too,” I say.

“Jonathan’s illness is taking a bigger toll on her than she lets on.”

“I know. I told her to call Jess.”

Pearl smiles.

“You agree,” I surmise.

“Jessica understands Candy better than most people. They were friends for a long time before Candy thought about romance. Yes. I agree. We’re all too close to this place.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“We both know I can’t stop you,” Pearl says.

I chuckle. “Do you regret making this move? Coming to DC with us?”

“No.”

“But?”

“I don’t regret coming here,” Pearl assures me. “My boys have always trekked off on their own. They can visit me here as easily as they can in Schoharie.”

“There’s a but.”

“No.”

“Pearl?”

“Jameson, I won’t be here forever. Don’t say anything. I hope I live to be a hundred. I'm happy to be here as long as I can move and think . We both know I wasn’t born yesterday. Candy needs people to lean on—not only Cassidy and the kids. And?—”

“And not only me.”

Pearl nods. “Jonathan has always supported her. The kids don’t realize how close they remained after the divorce. Whatever his shortcomings, he’s been a sounding board for her since she was in college. His illness weighs on her. You know that.”

I’m always curious about what people think about Candace and her relationships, even the kids. Her professional confidence often overshadows her lingering hurt and insecurity in many relationships.

Pearl clears her throat. “You know, she’s unlikely to call Jessica,” she says.

“Probably,” I admit. “Especially since she wants to bring Grant back as an adviser. Do you think I should call Jess?”

“I think Candace will need more support than she realizes when Jonathan passes.”

Pearl smiles at me. It’s a smile I’ve seen before, laced with a touch of melancholy. It tells me I’m on the right track and that Pearl doesn’t believe Jonathan will be with us much longer.

“You don’t think Jonathan will make it until the holidays, do you?”

“No one can predict life and death,” Pearl replies. “It happens–the surge before the storm,” she continues. “Jonathan is riding high now with energy. That energy can trick you into believing nothing is wrong. I’ve seen it before and so has Candy. She’ll hesitate to call Jessica now. Their relationship hurt Jonathan. He’d been friends and colleagues with Jessica for years. When things ended between Candy and Jessica, Jonathan helped Candy pick up the pieces. Jonathan’s feelings for Candy have always run deep—differently than hers.”

I take a deep breath and sigh. Candace loves Jonathan. I know their marriage was rocky, and she could never love him the way he loves her. More than her sexuality caused their marriage to break down. Jonathan is a good person, but he’s not overly demonstrative. He was hyper-focused on his career. That only became more intense when they lost Lucas. He’s spent more time with the kids this year than in the last decade. Maybe it should make this easier—knowing he’s dying. Somehow, it makes everything feel worse. Pearl is right. Candace won’t want to introduce Jessica into the equation right now.

Pearl calls for my attention. “Jameson?”

“I know you’re right. Jonathan understands,” I say.

I don’t share the details of my conversations with Jonathan Fletcher. As strange as it is to some people, I consider him a good friend. He’s always treated me with kindness. I know he loves the kids, and I know he’d do anything for Candace. That’s more than enough for me.

“Jonathan doesn’t harbor any bad feelings toward Jessica,” I tell Pearl.

“You’ve spent a lot of time with him recently.”

I chuckle. Shell commented a few weeks ago that watching her father and me laughing together while drinking a beer was the weirdest thing she’d ever seen. “Shell thinks it’s weird,” I say. “Yeah. We talk,” I admit. “He’s worried about Candace the most—more than the kids, I think.”

“He’s known her a long time.”

“I think I’ll give Jess a call.”

Pearl grins.

“That was your plan all along, wasn’t it?” I ask.

“No. We can call it the bonus round. I came down here to see if you wanted some company. Or maybe I just needed some.”

“Movie night?” I suggest.

“You mean one without creatures, cartoons, or cars?”

“At least Coop has moved past talking turtles.”

“Jameson, he asked me to watch some crazy movie with a talking raccoon—in space.”

Cooper loves Guardians of the Galaxy . “It could be worse,” I offer.

Pearl stares at me and I burst out laughing.

“Sorry,” I apologize. “What do you have in mind?”

“Old disaster films.”

“I’m in—If you rustle up popcorn and soda,” I agree.

“Okay. We’re starting with The Towering Inferno. The real one,” Pearl says.

“Hoping to burn something down?” I tease.

“Well, it was that or The Poseidon Adventure. I’d rather see Robert Wagner fall out a window on fire than watch Shelly Winters drown. I’m old, Jameson. I need to hold out a little hope.”

I shake my head and chuckle as Pearl walks out of the room. Before Candace ran for governor, we sometimes had impromptu movie nights with Pearl. They both love disaster movies, likely because there is always a hero at the end—not necessarily a happy ending. There’s triumph but also loss. As much as people make fun of the over-the-top drama in disaster movies, they reflect the truth of the human condition. How do people react in a crisis? I think that for Candace, these movies make her believe that even when everything is on fire or underwater, she can make a difference. And Pearl? She enjoys the drama. They’ve both spent their lives to holding everyone together. Sometimes, it’s fun to watch things burn down—things where no one can get hurt. Time to place an unlikely call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Jess.”

“JD?”

“I think so. Some days, I wonder who that is, though,” I reply.

Jessica laughs. “Don’t tell me you’re adopting another child.”

Now, I laugh. “I think we’re done in that department.”

“Mm. Okay. Who got arrested?”

“If anyone did, they haven’t called yet,” I reply.

“Well, that leaves only two possibilities for this call. Either someone is getting divorced, or you’re worried about Candy. I’ll make a wild guess it’s the latter.”

“I don’t know if worried is the right word.”

“How’s Jonathan?” Jessica asks.

“For the moment, he’s doing well—for the moment.”

Jessica sighs. “It’ll hit her hard—harder than she’ll let on.”

“I know. Jess, she wants to bring Grant back.”

“Good.”

“Are you sure?”

“He needs to help. It’s not easy watching people tear her apart.”

“Believe me, I know.”

“I'm sure you do. But you’re there to support her. Grant?—”

“She needs you right now, too,” I say.

Jessica sighs again.

“Jess, she needs a friend.”

“Candy can ask me for anything, JD. She knows that.”

“Yes, but she’s worried about how it will affect you.”

Now, Jessica laughs. “Me? I’m the Teflon bitch.”

Jessica’s laughter does little to conceal the underlying hurt in her statement. The kids have largely forgiven Jessica for her role in the break-up with Candace. As much as I know they love me, that transgression hurt them, and not only because of how public Jessica’s affair became. Or how protective they all are of their mother. They accepted her as part of their lives. It felt like another betrayal to them. And Jessica got pummeled in the press—unfairly. The media made her out to be a cold, calculating woman who used Candace for access to power brokers. Worse, the kids painted her similarly, as the coldhearted bitch who broke their mom’s heart. Even Grant was angry with her.

“Jess,” I say.

“I can handle whatever anyone throws my way, JD. We both know you’re living?—”

“In a mouse house.”

“What?”

“Mouse house, rat wheel—a tiny cage with a wheel that spins endlessly.”

Jessica laughs so hard she snorts.

“Well? What were you going to call it?” I ask.

“I was going to say under a constant spotlight.”

“Oh. That, too.”

“JD, someone is always looking for ammunition against Candy. Any sense that we’re interacting could?—”

I stop Jessica’s train of thought. “Let them say whatever they want. You were friends long before you were a couple. That didn’t work out. It happens. Fuck what anyone says.”

“JD?”

“I’m sorry. Maybe I could use your friendship as much as Candace needs it.”

That’s the truth. Jessica doesn’t hold back. She can get away with a level of bluntness that I can’t. She understands my frustration better than anyone. Being the partner of a powerful individual—a public figure- isn't easy. Everything I say and do reflects on Candace, whether it should or not. Jessica knows what that experience is like. Candace was considered for vice president and Secretary of State when they were together. I don’t often admit this, but it’s a lot of pressure. I want to defend my wife against the accusations and attacks people hurl at her. I can’t—not in the way I’d like. I have to be cautious, even when I try to be direct. It pisses me off. No one understands that better than Jessica Stearns.

“I get it, and I promise I’ll keep your secret,” Jessica teases me.

“Jess, we don’t have friends outside the family or the political arena these days. She needs someone to vent to—someone who is not me. We both know she will handle anyone who dares to project anything untoward.”

“I’ll give her a call.”

“Thanks.”

“I know it’s hard,” Jessica says. “Needing to be cordial to assholes.”

“She doesn’t deserve it, Jess. I hate Lawson Klein. I don’t hate people. It makes me feel like shit. I want to hit back so much, I?—”

“I get it. There are ways to hit back that hurt more than a verbal punch, JD.”

“She doesn’t like to play dirty.”

“No,” Jessica agrees. “But Candy also needs to realize the difference between playing dirty and putting dirty laundry on the line to dry. She can’t hold back this time, JD. Klein won’t. Someone wants him to be her opponent. I think that’s partly because of Laura. They think she’ll be too cautious, and it will give them an opening.”

I never considered Jessica’s observation until now. I’ve learned more than I ever thought I would about politics. Jessica is a political ace. She gets it. It’s another benefit to her being part of Candace’s sphere. Candace might fight with Jessica, but Jess is unlikely to back off as quickly as Shell, Dana, or me. Candace needs her for more than one reason.

“Maybe you should run her next campaign,” I offer.

“No thanks,” Jessica says. “Look, JD, I know it’s probably a little strange—Grant—me.”

“No,” I reply. “I don’t feel that way.”

I don’t. Candace’s past doesn’t threaten me. Jonathan and Jess are part of her , just like her parents, brothers, and the kids. She wouldn’t be the Candace I love if it weren’t for the relationships she’s had. I know that.

“I’m glad Candy has you.”

It’s funny; Jessica is sincere. I don’t think she’s ever truly gotten over Candace, and neither has Jonathan—not really. Candace isn’t the type of woman you can just “get over.” They would likely still be together if Jessica hadn’t cheated on Candace. Candace will deny that, but I think it’s true. Candace doesn’t give herself to anyone easily and doesn’t do anything halfway—not in business or relationships.

“JD?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to space out on you.”

“How’s Coop?” Jessica asks.

I can hear the genuine interest in Jessica’s voice. I admit it surprised me how easily we got along from the beginning. When someone close to Candace asks how she can have Jessica or Jonathan in her life after everything that unfolded in the past, she always answers the same way: “They’re good people; they just weren’t good for me.” The last time I heard her say that to one of the kids, I told her I think she’s wrong. She was stunned.

“I thought you liked Jonathan and Jess?” Candace asked.

I laughed. “I do. You didn’t let me finish,” I said. “You always say you weren’t good for each other. I don’t think that’s true. You weren’t right for each other—not for the long haul. Those aren’t the same things.”

Candace didn’t say anything. She just kissed me.

“Coop is great. He’s got a giant crush on an older woman,” I tell Jessica. “An older blonde woman with a lot to say.”

Jessica laughs. “He is definitely your kid.”

“I guess he is.”

“Listen, I’ll give Candy a call.”

“Thanks, Jess.”

“You never need to thank me, JD.”

I don’t know how to respond. I know that’s true.

“If you need to vent about the assholes running around with Klein, feel free to call me.”

I laugh. “Be careful what you offer.”

“Take care of yourself, JD.”

“Don’t worry about me,” I say.

“Mm. Do you mind if I give you one piece of advice?”

“What might that be?”

“Take care of yourself. You’re not me. God knows you’re the person Candy has always needed. But, JD, even a saint, would struggle to live in Candy’s shadow. People think I was jealous of her success. That was never the problem between us. She fights fair, JD. She was that way when she practiced law. I want to say I always take the high ground. I like to win. I also believe in justice. Sometimes, it doesn’t come without a little muscle.”

That’s the truth if I have ever heard it.

Jessica continues. “Loving Candy is easy. Loving her life isn’t. I don’t mean the kids, and I’m not talking about the pace she’s always kept. She’s the most sensitive person I’ve ever known. She can also be stubborn to a fault—she gives until it breaks her. That is hard to take. Watching people come after her while she tries to play nice is infuriating. Candy isn’t attracted to wall flowers, JD. She loves you because you’re as smart and driven as she is. But it is you who sacrifices the most to let her fly. She knows that. Don’t be afraid to let her know what you need. And please—I’ve heard all about your love for scripture from Shell.”

That does it. I burst out laughing. Shell really should just rent a dammed billboard at this point. “Thanks,” I say.

“Any time,” Jessica replies. “Talk soon.”

I continue to chuckle when Jessica disconnects the call. I need to find some way to let Shell know that Jessica and I have discussed Bible study. I can imagine the look on her face. Maybe she’ll think twice about her advertisements!