Page 24

Asher

The second my head cleared and things came back into focus, I knew I was in trouble. I’ve crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed. I had to get out of there fast, so I grabbed a pair of sweats and went straight to the basement. It was a dick move, but things would have been much worse if I stayed.

Working up a sweat is the only thing that will put me at ease. I punch the bag until my knuckles are raw and bloody, but never stop. I need the pain. It’s what I deserve. Blood pumps in my veins, fueling me on. I’m angry, so fucking angry. Angry at myself for being weak. Angry at her for existing. For being a forbidden fruit I’m aching to sink my teeth into. I can still taste her sweetness on my tongue. She’s everything I shouldn’t want and yet I crave more. I’m a selfish bastard.

“You all right, big brother?”

Zane leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, watching my every move.

“I’m fine,”

I grunt out as I continue to pummel the fuck out of the bag, each hit coming harder than the last. My limbs are on fire and sweat drips down my chest, but I keep pushing myself.

“Doesn’t look like you’re fine.”

“Fuck off.”

I’m not in the mood for his bullshit today. My head’s a fucked up mess as it is; I don’t need his psychology bullshit on top of it.

Quiet stretches between us as he continues to watch. I do my best to ignore him and focus on the target in front of me. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him shifting. My silence is killing him, but that’s too fucking bad.

“You can hate yourself all you want. It won’t change anything.”

He can’t fucking let it go.

I stop mid-punch and drop my hands to my sides before I spin to face him. He’s gone too far. It’s time I put him back in his place. “Don’t fucking pull that shrink shit on me, Z.”

“I’m not.”

He looks hurt, but I know better. I can see through him.

“Yeah, you are. I was a cop, remember? I can smell that bullshit a mile away.”

“We’re just worried about you, man. From the time you got out we’ve done nothing but watch you self-destruct.”

He toys with the end of his beard, waiting for me to lose it.

“I’m a free man, so quit worrying about me.”

Blood drips down my knuckles and onto the mat, but I don’t feel a thing. I’m numb. Desensitized to it all. Hit after hit, I exhale and take it all out on the bag.

“You’re free, but at the same time you’re not. You’re prison’s in here.”

Zane taps a finger into the side of his head, telling me what I already know. “You can fight the demons out here all you want and we’ll have your back the entire time, but until you exorcize the ones in your head, you’ll never be free, brother.”

My hands freeze mid-punch and drop to my sides as I hang my head. Emotions that I thought I’d buried threaten to surface, but I choke them back down. “It’s only been—”

“Six years. We know, but Ash, it’s time to start letting shit go. You can’t stay stuck in the past forever. Lauren would want you to live.”

He pushes off the wall and walks to stand in front of me.

“I can’t! She’s dead. They’re both dead because of me. Not you. Me!”

I pound a fist against my chest. My throat burns raw from the strain of it all crashing down on me at once. “How do you think that makes me feel?”

I glare at him.

“You didn’t pull that trigger, brother.”

He grabs the bag, his blue eyes weary and assessing.

“I couldn’t save her, but I can avenge her.”

“We’ll get all the fuckers who did this.”

He nods. “I promise you, but what then? Revenge only feels good for so long until it doesn’t.”

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters.”

Truth is I haven’t thought that far into the future. I can’t.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Ash. Years from now they’ll still be dead, but what about you? Where will you be? You’ll still be alone, walking around lost and angry at the world. You need to move on, brother.”

He grips me by the shoulder and squeezes.

I stare him down, but make no move to acknowledge the bullshit he’s spewing. That would give him the impression he’s right and I can’t do that.

“Or maybe you already have and your brain is just too slow to catch up.”

He steps back as my head whips up to meet his knowing gaze.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

A vein throbs on the side of my head. My brother’s skating on thin fucking ice right now.

“We ain’t stupid, Ash. We heard the two of you.”

“Leave it alone, Z. This is your one and only warning.”

The muscles in the side of my face twitch at the mention of Charlee. What happened is between us and nobody else.

“No.”

He shoves me by the shoulder, knocking me back a step. “I’m sick of watching you self-destruct.”

I don’t think; I react. My fist comes up and clocks Zane in the side of the head. His face snaps to the side, but he comes back at me with a right hook. I shake it off and continue beating his ass. Blood from my knuckles stains his cheeks with each hit. Adrenaline is coursing through me so hard that I don’t even feel the pain of it.

He swipes my legs out from under me and we end up rolling around the mat, taking cheap shots at each other when we can until he manages to pin me down against the floor.

“Is this what you do now, Ash? You beat the fuck out of anyone who tries to get you to see reason?”

He grabs me by the throat and squeezes.

“You know nothing,”

I grunt out as I struggle for air. Blood rushes to my face, but I don’t stop.

“I know Lauren would be disappointed in you.”

His words burn their way into my skin like a poison.

“Shut the fuck up!”

I bring my fist up ready to hit him again when I’m pulled up and onto my feet.

“Enough!”

Axel jumps between us and gets knocked down in the process. The three of us end up tumbling around the mat until Axel manages to squeeze in the middle, putting his hands on our heaving chests to separate us. “I said to stop, goddammit. Have y’all lost your fucking minds? The enemy is out there.”

He jabs a finger to the stairs. “Not in here. Get your fucking heads on straight because shit’s getting out of hand. We’re family, which means we’re in this together.”

Blood drips down Zane’s mouth, disappearing into his beard. His hair has fallen out of his bun and hangs around his face. Bruises are beginning to form where my fist made contact, and a heaviness settles in my gut. For the first time since I can remember, I feel like the bastard Charlee has known me to be.

“And fuck off for making me sound like the responsible one.”

Axel continues to ream our asses, and shakes his head like our ol’ man used to do.

I fall down against the mat into a sitting position, lock my arms around my knees, and hang my head. Burning from my raw knuckles begins to penetrate and I relish in it. It’s my punishment. It’s what I deserve. Things have gone from shit to worse today. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, brother.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He shrugs and wipes at his mouth. One would think I wasn’t the only one looking for a fight.

“Yeah. We knew you needed to either fight or fuck it out and there’s no fucking way I’m volunteering for the latter.”

Axel sits on the other side of me and pretends to cringe.

I don’t say anything about the former because I’m not going there. Instead, I slap him in the shoulder hard enough to knock him over.

“You two kiss and make up now?”

When Zane and I just stare at him, he takes that as his cue to keep talking. “Good. Moving on. What are we going to do about the Diego situation?”

He eyes the both of us. “Someone took him out and carved him up like you did that bitch, Luis. We need to figure out who and fast because something isn’t adding up.”

He’s right and it kicks my ass into gear. There’s only one person who can get me the info I need. “Hand me my phone.”

I dial his number and he picks up on the second ring. Rather than waste time with unnecessary pleasantries, I get right to the point. “We have a complication.”

“Yup. I saw the news.”

He’s blunt and to the point. It’s one thing I’ve always liked about him.

“How soon can you get me more info on it?”

He lets out a gasp of air and thinks for a minute. “A couple days maybe. Four max.”

“Good. Come to the house on Thursday evening.”

I end the call and turn to find my brothers watching me.

“You sure he’ll come through?”

Axel asks.

“If there’s anyone I trust more than the two of you, it’s Carl. He’ll come through.”

Zane messes with his hair, throwing it back up on top of his head.

“You need to cut that shit.”

I jerk my chin in his direction. “In prison, you’d already have a mouth full of dick.”

My eyes narrow as I cock my head at the glare he shoots me.

“No way.”

Axel sits up and looks insulted. “I’d be more popular than him.”

He pulls out a pack of smokes and hands a cigarette to each of us. “They’re a little bent, but still work. Like Zane’s dick.”

Zane flips him off, but still takes the cigarette he’s offering.

We light up and sit there for a few minutes enjoying our smokes without speaking.

It’s the first time the three of us have just sat together like this since my release and it feels damn good.

A lump forms in my throat. I’ve been a shitty brother and need to start doing better by them.

“You know it’s okay for you to be happy again.”

He chews on the side of his cheek as he waits for me to lose it on him all over again.

“Even if she’s the enemy?”

“Is she really, though?”

Axel asks, giving me a knowing look. One of these days I’m going to knock the cocky out of him.

I open my mouth to snap back to give him shit, but nothing comes out because he’s right. I’ve been so focused on my need for payback that I haven’t stopped to see things that were right in front of me.

Shit. I guess it looks like I’ll be eating crow twice today and do something I never do. Apologizing.