Page 23 of Resurrection (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #3)

Aly

I can feel him. All of them.

It was like I was numb. Rigid. Blank. There was an overwhelming feeling like I was going to pass out.

I remember the guys fighting the sudden swarm, successfully overpowering them.

I remember Jax and Cole crowding around me, huddling under the blankets, silent and still.

That is, until a few moments later, when a new zombie presented itself.

One that had death in its eyes—my death, and the deaths of the men I love—and then.

.. the hard metal of salvation at my fingertips.

Their touches and compassionate determination brought me back.

But the overwhelming need to take back my life, to protect those that mean the most to me, and overcome the terrors that constantly tried to overtake me led my hand to the weapon.

All it took was a slight nudge with my foot to inch it farther out from the depths under the backseat.

Another deft pass, and the tool found its way into my hand.

A single look at Cole and he knew, deep down, what I needed to do.

His grip loosened just enough for me to shimmy out from under the seat and the blankets, rise to my knees, and plunge that screwdriver right into the demon that wanted to take what was mine.

Fuck.

I’ve only felt that way once before: when we all thought Cole was on the verge of transitioning. It was like I was possessed. I wasn’t about to let anything stop me from killing it for good, one way or another. And then it was over. So quickly, it was over.

I tear my gaze from my hand on Hawk’s torso to his soft eyes, relief and love staring back at me. A hand caresses my cheek, turning me towards its owner, Cole, who’s giving me the same look.

“Welcome back, beautiful. How do you feel?”

My left hand, still shaky and partially numb, is in someone else’s—Jax’s—as he gently massages my palm and wrist, waiting on pins and needles for me to answer.

From the looks of each of them, I can tell my episode wasn’t an easy one, let alone what they all just had to endure with the ambush.

It all comes back to me when I look past Jax, to the dead body hanging through the window.

I did that.

I did that.

Even through my episode. Even as my vision dotted and my breathing tripped. Even through the pain and paralyzing terror... I did that. Pulled myself out from the abyss to save myself and the others.

Jax places an index finger against his lips, a warning, before they tilt in a pleased smile. “I am so fucking proud of you, baby,” he whispers, his voice carrying a slight tremble with the words. After a second, he turns away, bringing my gaze outside the windows again. We’re still surrounded.

Hawk, brushing his fingers through my hair, recaptures my attention. The gesture sends glorious tingles down my spine, and grounds me with them in this tiny space. “It’s ok, sweetness, you did good. So good.”

“We’ve got you, always,” Cole says before kissing the end of my nose, nuzzling it afterward with an Eskimo kiss.

I swallow the lump in my throat, then sharply nod. “I know… I know. I’m ok.” I breathe out the dregs of my stress, just as Cole instructed me before. I do feel better, just a bit lightheaded and exhausted. The numbness slowly fades away, my head sluggishly clearing from the fog of my attack.

But reality is like a punch in the gut.

I can’t continue reacting this way to every crowd of zombies I happen to come up against. I can hold my own against one or two, but it’s the overwhelming numbers that make me lose myself in the chaos.

Not anymore .

I pushed through that episode and dragged myself back to the present, to the here and now. Defended myself and my family through the panic and terror.

I DID THAT.

Now, let’s just make that happen one hundred percent of the time! Kick all ‘dem zombie asses! WOOH!

I will no longer allow myself to be a victim of my own demise—the weak link.

Rather, I will be a force to reckon with, even if I have to push myself over the edge to accomplish the task.

It’s been over a year since they took over.

It’s about time I fully learn to deal with it instead of running from it, even if it’s my brain that begs me to retreat.

After a few minutes, I force my eyes to stray outside, past the window.

Trying my best to ignore the big, bad, dead zombie I just impaled, I take in the hundreds milling around the car, their dead faces looking this way and that.

Inside the car and around it. I force myself to look into their eyes, desensitizing myself to their noxious, fatal presence.

It’s difficult, however, when you’re staring down an endless wall of walking abscesses, decomposing and spewing their pus, blood, and fecal remnants with enough enthusiasm to cover every square foot of the highway.

Before long, I feel as if my own bile is wishing to join the party, but I tamp down the urge to vomit as best I can.

Cole must feel the tiny heave I try and fail to conceal, and rubs a comforting palm up and down my thigh, whispering encouragement just beside my ear.

“Keep it up; you’re doing really well. We’re right here if you need us.

” My lungs fill with a comforting breath as I sniffle once and nod in return.

I’ve got this. I can do this.

That’s right! You’re a badass bitch! Own that shit!

“...A badass bitch...”

“Yes, you are, Aly,” Cole whispers back, just for me.

“You survived months on your own. You survived Earl and his cronies. You survived the zombie-filled basement. You saved me. And you saved them. Us. You. Saved. Us. You are a fucking badass and I can tell you, with one hundred percent certainty, you’ve got this.

You’ve just got to own it.” I smile at him, loving his enduring confidence in my abilities, before kissing him briefly on his lips.

“Hey, Jax, we’ve got an opportunity coming up,” Hawk says softly from the front seat, prompting us to turn towards the windows.

There’s a small break in the horde. The numbers have dwindled in the group in our direct vicinity and the rest remain in the distance, at least for the moment.

They’re still too close for us to escape, but they’re far enough away that we can move more freely about the car’s interior without drawing any attention to ourselves.

Hawk lifts his blanket with an idea. “Think we can drape these over the windows on this side? That way we can cover up our presence as well as get George’s ugly mug out of our faces. He’s smells fucking awful.”

“George?”

“Yeah!” he whisper shouts, indicating to the zombie hanging through the window. “He looks like he could’ve been a George. Maybe Michael.” Hawk’s eyes get large with excitement. “Nope, that’s it. He’s George fucking Michael, now.”

“Shhhhh!” Jax scolds him. “They’re still fucking close, you idiot!”

Hawk puts his hands up in apology while donning his signature Gives-No-Fucks smile. “Ok. Ok. I promise I won’t be careless. I’ll whisper.”

I smile at the awful joke and shake my head but Jax seems to just let it fly past him, getting right on with the matter at hand as he lifts his blanket in front of him.

“Ok, let me know when you want it.”

He begins draping one part of the blanket over George Michael before feeding the remaining fabric between the front seat and the door.

Hawk grabs his side and cracks the passenger-side window slightly, stuffing the top part of the blanket through and securing it by rolling the window back up again.

He does the same with his blanket, filling in the cracks the first one might have missed.

Satisfied with its hold and the coverage it provides, he moves on, unfolding a large map and situating it against the windshield—the visors holding the flimsy paper in place.

Between Hawk and Jax, they manage to create a decent barrier between us and them , preventing the undead from seeing any movement in the car .

Cole nods in affirmation and scoots out from his place on the floor, pulling me with him and placing me in his lap. “Nice. I like it. Good idea, Hawk.”

“Yeah, I agree. Good thinking, bro,” Jax adds.

“And now we can talk and keep each other awake for the next however long without having to deal with ass cramps from our sad attempt at being contortionists.” Hawk smiles at his accomplishment.

Satisfied with our makeshift invisibility cloak, Jax reaches back again and pulls out a large cardboard box, the letters M.R.E. displayed in large font on the side of it.

“Might as well get comfortable. I have a feeling we’re going to be here for a while, and I can’t imagine we’re going to be able to bring all this stuff with us when we’re actually able to leave.

Wouldn’t be a bad idea to dig into some dinner while we wait,” Jax says as he pulls out a brown plastic package, then another, and another, handing them to each of us.

Moving off Cole, I sit on the bench seat next to him. When Jax holds his hand out with my package, I grab it and take a peek inside, surprised to see how much is packed in such a small bag. After having meager rations these past few weeks, this feels like a verifiable buffet.

“ Why weren’t we eating these the whole time?!”

“Because we knew we still had a long way to go and needed the dense stuff to get us through the more difficult times,” Jax says quietly in return to my involuntary outburst, his one eyebrow lifting as if daring me to argue about him hoarding these.

I purse my lips and nod back since that does actually make sense. Even though I’m a little peeved that he kept food away from me this whole time, I need to remember that if I ate it all then, I’d have none now. “Perception is nine-tenths of the law, after all.”

“Possession...”

I turn my head to Jax, confused. “What?”

“ Possession is nine-tenths of the law.”

Yeah... exactly. I perceive myself to be in possession of some freaking awesome, kick-ass goodies and now they’re all mine! I mean, look at this shit!

Crackers, peanut butter, pretzels, chocolate protein shake mix, and a bunch of add-ons like salt, pepper, and hot sauce fill my pouch. There’s even a spoon, moist towelette and freaking mints!

My particular meal that is ready to eat has creamy spinach fettuccini written on it and, looking around at the guys, each of theirs is a different selection.

Cole has spaghetti with beef sauce, Hawk has cheese tortellini— I almost ask to switch because his apparently came with M&M’s but I restrain myself—and Jax has chicken with egg noodles and vegetables in sauce.

The three of ours look halfway normal, but looking at Jax’s…

I’m kind of glad I got the one I did. The word shlup comes to mind .

I pull out another bag that seems to have a rock in it and hold it up, confused as to what I’m supposed to do with it.

“Ah, that’s for heating it up,” Jax interjects, pointing to my rock.

“See, you put the main meal in the pouch, fill it to the line with water, and then lean it against something to keep it upright. After a little bit, a chemical reaction takes place and heats up the food. It takes a few minutes, but it does the trick. Do you want to heat yours up?”

I take a look at the three of them already diving into their meals and the decision is easy. “Nah, I’m ok.” I’m not some dainty debutante. If they can eat theirs at room temperature, so can I. Besides, they seem to be enjoying themselves. How bad could it be?

◆◆◆

I take it back… It’s fucking disgusting.

There’s too much spinach and not enough…

anything else. Hawk takes pity on me and gives me his cheese tortellini which is world’s away from the nastiness I was attempting to eat.

He doesn’t seem to mind though, downing the entire pouc h in seconds after smothering it with every single one of our hot sauce packets.

We finish our meals and, for the first time in weeks, I actually feel full.

Like really full. Like I want to roll over and pass out because that’s about as far as I can move at the moment, full.

“Oh God.... Too much. Much too much. Maybe I need to...” I groan heavily as I move left and right, trying and failing to find a comfortable position in this cramped vehicle.

“Oh, God no. Ooh, I’m gonna die. Can you die from eating too much?

How are you guys not bursting at the seams right now?

” I place my forehead on the back of one of the front seats, spread my legs out wide, and mimic labor breathing.

That’s what helps pregnant ladies get through contraction pains, right?

Yeah... That should work. Fucking food baby, coming right up.

“Oh, shit, it hurts.... I can’t breathe. ”

“Come here, beautiful.” Cole smiles, laughing under his breath, along with Jax and Hawk, before he pulls me down, laying my head on his lap at the same time Jax brings my feet up to settle on his.

“Ooh.... Fuck yes. That’s the stuff.” I moan, stretching out between the two of them, comfortable and satiated.

After the day we’ve had and, now, with an overly full belly, I drift off within a minute or two, happy and safely surrounded by all my guys inside the car.

To Hell with what’s currently surrounding us outside.