Page 48 of Restless Hawke

They all are.

And somehow, that’s so much worse.

I’ve always been a massive disappointment. The only one who has never seemed to have any direction in life. Always restless. Always seeking something. And it’s never been what they’ve offered.

What I did was the ultimate slap in the face to the people who’ve loved me the most through it all.

My ultimate failure.

I swallow my guilt and try to look each and every one of them in the eye—though it’s so much harder with Dad, Isaac, and Uncle Savage for some reason. Then I let my gaze drift to Bishop and her father.

Saint hasn’t moved. He just stands there, looking like an immovable mountain.

And that’s what he’s always been.

Our rock.

Our protector and friend.

Which is why what I’m going to say in response to Bishop’s statement hurts so much.

“I truly don’t mean this to be insensitive or to suggest everyone in this room isn’t trying their hardest.” This will ruffle the Hawke feathers, and I desperately need some air in my lungs to get it out. I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with the air that smells like the club. “But we keep saying that. Youalldo. Yet…look what has happened. First, Jack got taken from a building that was supposed to be secure. That was supposed to be safe?—”

Isaac opens his mouth to object, but I hold up a hand to stop him.

“And I understand there were extenuating circumstances. That she did what she had to in order to protect Vivi, but he shouldn’t have gotten that far. He never should have gotten his hands on your daughter, and we all know it.”

God, it feels like ages ago…

So much has happened since, only compounding the pain.

Dad presses his lips together in a firm line, as does Uncle Savage, like they’re both biting back retorts they know they can’t make because it’s all true. Luca and Saint keep their hard gazes on me, letting me continue, even though I can see the tension building in both of them. Gabe leans against the desk, hands curled around the edge hard enough to whiten his knuckles.

And I’m only going to make things worse.

“And the Grind went up in flames, thanks to Satriano.” My eyes cut to Dad. “Then we almost lost you, Kennedy, and Isaac because of that fucker.” I throw up my free hand. “Then Dan Roselli was able to get to the girls and Benjamin…to hurt Atlas and Astrid.” I wince, remembering how they looked when they were finally rescued. “We’ve done everything we can to keep everyone safe, and it hasn’t been enough. So, forgive me if I didn’t trust in the innate ability of the Hawkes to keep ourselves safe. I think I had reason to be worried…”

That silences everyone.

No one breathes.

No one moves a muscle.

But I can feel Saint’s eyes boring into the back of my head.

I turn to look at him—the one in charge of security for the entire Hawke empire—and he glances around at all the men in the room.

The big man finally shifts his massive weight, his jaw hard. “You’re right.” He runs a hand over his shaved head. “And we’ve had this conversation before, trust me. There is never any way to one hundred percent guarantee everyone’s safety when there are forces outside our control. But going to Satriano isn’t the answer.”

“Isn’t it?” My hand tightens on my glass, and I slug a drink from it, relishing the burn down my throat and stomach. “Pope is stuck stitching up his henchmen to keep him at bay for the ‘repayment’ he believes he’s owed for assisting with the Roselli situation. The man only saved Atlas, Kennedy, and Astrid because he knew it would indebt us to him, and he tookfulladvantage of it.” I lock gazes with each and every one of them. “It only makes sense for me to do the same. It only makes sense for me to see what I can do to protect us all.”

There’s nothing different about what I’m doing and what Pope is…

Except they don’t believe I can do it.

They don’t think I’m capable of handling a man like Satriano.

They don’t think I’m capable of handlingmyself.