Page 65 of Rescued By the Icy Duke

Julian felt the wetness of his own cheeks, felt the salty tears carving paths through skin made damp by rainwater.

“I cannot! I cannot! I cannot!” he whispered hoarsely, battling with his own soul, with a desire that seared him.

A soft sound reached him and then Ester's voice came from lower.

She fell to her knees, with a soft thump, in the narrow space between the beds placed against either wall of her cabin. She pressed her hands to the wall that separated her from Julian, fingers pressed into the unyielding timber as though she could press through it to reach him.

“Julian, when you found me, I was living a half-life in twilight. I did not think I could ever find the light again. I thought myself forsaken, abandoned to fight a wicked man alone to protect my family. It was too much. The burden was too heavy. You saved me. Do you understand? You saved me. I felt the light touch me. You lifted me from dark water and gave me life. Let me lift you out of your darkness. I beg you!”

Julian, too, dropped to his knees and pressed his face against the wall closest to the place where he heard Ester's voice coming from.

“I could not bear to see you wither and die under my hand. Don't you see? It is all true. Everything my father claimed. My hands have taken many lives since I left Loughton Grange. There is no way out of the pit for me. No way out of the dark, but I will notdrag you down here with me. I want you to live a good life. Live as much of it as I have left you. Live it to the full. See the things that I will never see. Perhaps in the whatever follows this life, we will meet again and be free of this darkness that follows me...”

Julian rose slowly, pushing himself away from the wall. Ester's voice gradually grew more distant. He turned away and walked to the window, staring out at the water.

“Julian!” Ester screamed at the top of her lungs.

She slammed the flat of her hand against the timber. Again. Then again. Pain stung her hand. But she didn’t care. She clenched her fist and slammed it into the wall, sending spikes of pain from her knuckles, down her arm. She drew back her hand to strike once more but a strong grip suddenly seized her. She fought blindly, knowing only that she needed to get through the wall that separated her from Julian.

Break it down, break through it.She had to reach it.

“Let me go! Let me go!” she cried.

But the grip was as strong as steel and she could not tear her hand free. Looking down, she saw fingers around her wrist. Fingers that were sheathed in black leather. Her eyes shot up to the face.

Julian.

His eyes were red-rimmed. His face was tight with torment, mouth drawn into an unbreakable line. It was the face of an ascetic, resolved to endure suffering. But as she looked at that face, looked into his eyes, she saw the stoic resolve crumble.

“I cannot,” he whispered, “I cannot... stay away. God damn me. Hellfire claim me for my selfishness but I cannot stay apart from you.”

With a savage pull, he crushed her against his chest, arms enveloping her like iron bands as she sobbed desperately into his clothes. Her tears spilled freely, and she buried her face there, her fingers grasping desperately at his shirt, knotting in the fabric as though anchoring herself to him. She trembled, afraid—terrified—that he might change his mind, might leave her again and abandon her to that cold, numb void he had left behind before. Just then, she swore to herself—no power in heaven or hell, no force on earth, would ever pry her from him again.

The leather of his gloves slipped beneath her hair to trail a tender path along the nape of her neck, around to her cheek. She looked up, reaching for his hands, and tried to strip the barrier away.

“No, my love,” Julian murmured, his voice softer now. “Not that. I cannot. Not ever.”

It was as though the storm of his emotions had passed. His voice was calmer now. He stilled her movements, holding the glovetightly in place with his other hand. No amount of pulling or prizing could shift his grip—despite her frantic attempts.

At last, Ester relented, her breaths coming fast in shallow gasps. They knelt together, face to face. She wound her arms around his waist, pressing her breasts flush against the unyielding planes of his chest. Her face tilted upward, lips parting in a silent, breathless plea for more—more ofhim, more ofeverything.

Julian’s mouth came down on hers, tentative at first, as though afraid she might break beneath his touch... but it was not enough. She could not bear gentleness. Not now.

With a desperate moan, she shifted into his lap, straddling him, her knees digging into the floor as she ground her hips against his thigh. Her kiss turned feral, her tongue plunging into his mouth, tasting him, claiming him with an urgency that made them both gasp. She bit down on his lip, the sharp pinch drawing from him a deep, guttural groan that sent a pulse of heat down to her core. She craved more, much more.

Her hands flew to his waistcoat, tearing it open with rough, impatient movements. Buttons popped, fabric strained, but she didn’t care. Her fingers found his shirt, tugging it free, her hands immediately sliding beneath it. Her nails raked across the bare skin of his chest, feeling the hard muscle rippling beneath her every touch. Her hips rocked harder, the friction of his hardness pressing against her belly, making her cry out against his mouth.

Julian’s hands drifted lower too. His fingertips dug into her rear, pulling her tight against him. She pressed her forehead againsthis, her breath ragged as her hips ground more urgently against his solid thigh. His mouth found her throat and she gasped, arching her back like a contortionist.

The moment was over too soon as they heard footsteps and Helen's unmistakable excitable tone coming along the companionway. Julian jerked back, looking towards the door as he made to draw up his buttons. He looked to Ester who grimaced, then allowed him to help her to her feet with his other hand. Once standing, she gripped his hand, squeezing hard.

“I have been a victim for too long. Allowing circumstances to happen to me. Reacting to the whims of others. Including you. I will not do it again. I will take charge of my own life and I will have you in it,” she muttered stubbornly. “The pain I felt at losing you is one that I never wish to experience again. I would have torn this vessel apart if I had the strength. Just to reach you. I would have beaten my hands bloody...”

“You did,” Julian whispered gently.

He lifted her left hand and Ester gasped at the sight of reddened knuckles. The skin had been broken over his first finger. Julian lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed the grazed skin, as tenderly as if he were kissing a babe.

“Oh... oh my!” Ester exclaimed in horror.