Page 9

Britt

Are kids like dogs? Can they sense when you're pregnant?

Because one of Reign's twins – Georgia or Delaney (I can't tell them apart) is staring at me like she knows all of my life’s secrets. It's distracting, to say the least, and I can't concentrate on the game.

Something that has never been my problem. Sports have always been my life. Baseball, football, basketball, and even hockey thanks to Sienna, my friend from college. Sports was my life. If there was competition involved, I would watch it. Yet, here I was trying to hold off the nervous bounce of my leg in fear that I’d accidentally bounce a Walker child across the room.

I wasn’t nervous for the game. No. Everything about it felt a little lackluster when compared to the monumental change coming my way.

“You okay, Britt?”

Reign asked, subtly taking her daughter off my lap and putting her on hers. “What about you Delaney?”

Ah, Delaney! Reign tickled her belly, and Delaney let out the cutest giggle I'd ever heard. Then she nuzzled her nose and let Georgia climb onto her other knee. So devoted. So homely. So not me. God, she was perfect. No wonder Devin wanted to lock her down so fast.

Could I even do that? Was the IVF treatment arduous because I wasn’t really built for motherhood? Countless treatments with more disappointments than I cared to count and I’d finally gotten pregnant. I was ecstatic, but now that I’d seen Reign in action with her five children, rocking it amongst the WAGs of the Charlotte Crossbills, I wasn’t so sure I could do it.

Would I still have a career? Would the networks want me if I couldn't get the baby weight off? If I go back to work, will I regret leaving my kids to be raised by someone else?

I didn't know the answer to any of those things because I didn't know what I wanted, and in reality, having the Super Bowl as our meeting point with our friends was a good excuse to not share the news. I didn't know what else to do with it.

“I'm good,”

I said in a tone which was most definitely not good, but Reign didn't seem to notice. Probably too busy with all those kids. I took a bite of the food in front of me, but then my chews slowed. Was there cheese in this? Did I have to worry about whether or not it was pasteurized? I also tasted fish. Didn’t I read somewhere that you aren't supposed to eat fish when pregnant?

I had no idea, but I bet Reign would know. She was just such a damn natural at all of this.

“Are you sure you're okay? You look a little pale.”

She was giving her usual caring smile, and just as I was about to give her one back, my stomach roiled.

I threw my hand to my mouth. “I think I'm going to be sick,”

I mumbled out, rushing through our friends and to the bathroom.

Thanking the lord that the boxed area had its own private bathroom, I pushed through the doors. The second my knees fell to the pristine, black marble tile I was throwing up before I could think about where it was going to land.

Shit.

All over my jersey. Did I even have anything else to wear? How would I explain this?

I picked at the hair sticking to the jersey, only for the smell to make my stomach roil again.

“Damn it,”

I groused, dropping my head to the toilet seat. My blonde hair was falling to the sides, but I was gripping the seat so hard, I had no free hands to push it back.

I didn't hear the bathroom door open over my own gagging, but suddenly there was a gentle presence beside me.

“Here, let me help.”

Hayden. Not Matty.

She knelt beside me, gathering my hair back with one hand while her other rubbed soothing circles between my shoulder blades. Her touch was gentle but certain, like someone who'd done this before.

“I've got you,”

she said softly, her voice steady as I continued to heave into the toilet.

When the wave of nausea finally passed, I slumped back against the bathroom wall, completely spent. Hayden handed me a damp paper towel that she must have grabbed when she came in.

“Thanks,”

I muttered, wiping my mouth and closing my eyes. The cool tile felt good against my back, even through my shirt.

Hayden’s shoulder brushed mine as she sat down beside me.

“So,”

she said after a moment, her voice casual but knowing. “How far along are you?”

My eyes flew open, my head whipping toward her so fast I almost got dizzy again. “What?”

Hayden gave me a small, knowing smile before she knocked me with her elbow playfully. “Come on, Britt. I lived with you for two years. I know you. You’re not drinking, you’ve got this gorgeous glow about you and you keep touching your stomach when you think no one’s looking.”

I stared at her, momentarily speechless. Here I thought I'd been so careful, so discrete. But of course Hayden would notice. She always did.

“Am I being that obvious?”

She snorted. “Not as obvious as your husband. Matty looked at you with heart eyes before, but now, he’s positively obsessed. Your every move is being monitored. Pretty sure he’s annoyed I flew in here before he could too.”

I knew what she meant. Matty had been my rock through this. He’d seen every injection, every pregnancy test, every heartbreak to get to this point and he was the one I’d been drawing my strength from. I guessed I didn’t realize how much that was affecting him.

“How far along are you?”

Her voice is gentle, a soothing wave in the crash of emotions that were flooding through me.

“Eight weeks,”

I finally admitted, the words barely audible even in the quiet bathroom. It was the first time I'd said it out loud to anyone besides Matty and my doctor. “Maybe nine.”

Hayden's smile widened, genuine happiness lighting up her face. “That's wonderful, Britt.”

“Is it?”

The question escaped before I could stop it, vulnerability seeping into my voice. “We've been trying for two years, Hayden. All those IVF treatments, the hormone shots, the disappointments...”

I trailed off, remembering the emotional rollercoaster of the past twenty-four months. “And now that it's finally happened, I'm terrified. What if I'm not ready? After wanting this for so long, what if I'm not actually cut out for motherhood?”

I pressed my hand to my stomach, still flat beneath my shirt. “We spent so much money, so much time, so much emotional energy trying to make this happen. And now that it has, all I can think about is how everything is going to change, how my career might be over, how I don't know the first thing about being someone's mother.”

Hayden took my hand, her grip warm and steady. “After all that effort, all that hoping, it makes sense to be scared. You've wanted this baby for so long that now the stakes feel impossibly high.”

I looked down at our intertwined fingers, feeling the steady pressure of her grip.

“I spent so much of my life hidden in the dark,”

she continued, her voice thoughtful. “Afraid to reach for things, afraid to want things. Then Adam showed me how important it is to step into the light and embrace what you have, even if it comes with challenges.”

She squeezed my hand. “You know what he told me once? He said, 'The best things in life are never guaranteed, Hayden. That's what makes them worth fighting for.'“

I felt tears gathering in my eyes—damn pregnancy hormones—as Hayden's words settled over me.

“But my career—”

“Will still be there,”

she said firmly. “Maybe it'll look different, maybe you'll have to make some adjustments, but you're Britt Mathieson. You've never let anything stop you before.”

She turned to face me more fully. “Remember when that baseball manager said you didn't know what you were talking about because you're a woman? And you proceeded to break down his entire pitching rotation with stats he didn't even know existed?”

Despite everything, I laughed. “He looked like he'd swallowed his own tongue.”

“Exactly.”

Hayden nodded emphatically. “You're going to be an amazing mother, Britt. Not because you're perfect, none of us are, but because you'll give it the same passion and dedication you give everything else.”

The tears I'd been holding back spilled over. “I don't know how to do this,”

I whispered.

“None of us do,”

Hayden replied with a soft laugh. “You think Reign knew how to handle twins? Or triplets? We all figure it out as we go. And you're not alone. You have Matty and all of us. That’s what we’re here for.”

I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around her in a fierce hug that caught her by surprise. She returned it immediately, holding me tight as I tried to collect myself.

“Thank you,”

I murmured against her shoulder.

“Anytime,”

she replied, pulling back to look at me. “That's what friends are for.”

We both looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening, and Matty's concerned face appeared.

“Babe.”

His soft voice soothed me as he gently took over from Hayden, scraping back my hair, getting it out of the way so I could keep my head in the toilet. His other hand rubbed my back, and I didn't know if I could face him right now.

Hayden gave my shoulder one last squeeze before standing. “I'll tell everyone you're okay,”

she said quietly to Matty, who nodded gratefully. “And I snatched this out of Reign’s bag.”

To his surprise, she handed him another jersey. Hayden shrugged. “It’s a mom thing. We always pack spares of everything.”

A mom thing… would it become my thing too?

As Hayden slipped out of the bathroom, I caught the small, reassuring smile she sent my way. A silent promise of support.

I couldn’t face Matty yet. I just stared down at the messy toilet until I'd gained enough courage to look at my husband. When I lifted my head, he immediately offered me some toilet paper, and I wiped my mouth before throwing the tissue down the toilet and flushing.

“Thanks,”

I mumbled, leaving my back against the wall. It was black snakeskin wallpaper, and I had to wonder who thought this was a good idea. It looked like a drug dealer's den.

With his back on the other wall, our legs intermingled, and we sat in silence. “They're going to think we're having sex if we don't get out there soon.”

He chuckled. “No, they're not. You were clearly throwing up. Besides, we aren't Aiden and Alyssa.”

He smirked. “Did you see the way they walked in? She looked like she'd been railed for hours.”

I rolled my eyes, and as I did, Matty leaned over, bringing me in between his thighs, and I rested my head on his chest. His arms wrapped around me, and he stroked my hair. “I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. Do you think it's still morning sickness?”

“Well, since it's the evening, I don't think it can be counted as that.”

He kissed my forehead, and just like that, I found myself at peace with Matty. Amongst all the chaos, he was still here. We were still together. Like always.

“I'm scared,”

I admitted out loud for the first time. Matty didn't let go. He didn't even falter at the admittance.

“I know.”

I felt a lone tear trickle down my cheek, but I had no idea what I was crying for. “Nothing is ever going to be the same again.”

“When has it ever been the same?”

I looked at him with confusion. “If it is, then you're standing still. Never moving, never striving, never becoming who you're supposed to be.”

He took my hand and squeezed it. “I am so proud of you Britt. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met inside and out, and there is no other person I'd want having my child than you.”

“Not even Reign,”

I said with a little edge before wiping my nose. It was pathetic to be jealous of her because she’d only ever want to support me. I blamed the hormones. “She’s the perfect mother.”

“Reign?”

Matty asked, unable to hide the surprise in his voice. “Firstly, Dev would kill me if he ever heard anyone even remotely suggesting that. Secondly, no. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but you're the only person I’ve ever wanted.”

His free hand reached between us and rubbed my belly. Our baby. “Even when she's big enough that I can feel her kicking, all I will be thinking about is how beautiful and selfless the woman is carrying her.”

“Now come on. We should get back out there. The tacos they are serving are spicy, and I'm sure someone might be mad that we're hogging the toilet.”

He helped me stand and offering me the new jersey.

“Do I look okay?”

I asked with the new jersey on, feeling a lot less confident than I did walking in here.

“You look beautiful.”

He kissed me, even with my vomity breath.

As we walked out, we were surprised to see that the lights had gone down because they were about to introduce the half-time act. Were we really in there that long that we hadn't seen the end of the first half? Apparently, but it didn’t matter because from the looks of the scoreboard, the Crossbills were still up by 13 points.