Page 67

The Prisoner

The Prophecy stands in the Jeon’s palace, poised to take Bonseyo with the death of a dynasty. I can feel it, feel the approaching doom as Eunbi and I burst onto the next level, panting hard, trying not to focus on the fiery pain in my left leg.

Quick. We need to be so godsdamn quick . I need to reach my body before the Prophecy reaches Fulfillment. The urgency is terrifying, utterly horrific, and I struggle to rein in my panic as it crawls up my throat and threatens to spill out. Gameunjang , I think desperately, I hope you are right. One way to stop the Prophecy. To thwart our deaths. Please let this be the way…

“What is this?” Eunbi breathes, interrupting my frantic prayers. I blink, sucking in a deep breath as my eyes widen, taking in…

A hall of mirrors.

And…something about them seems far more ominous than the gilded looking glass I faced with Chara and Chryse beside me. It is wholly dark here, save for some strange, silver-tinged light streaming from an unknown source above. There are dozens of us, of Linas, of Eunbis, all panting and soaked in a sheen of sweat. I tug my sister closer to me, curling my fists, muscles tensing. This is not a memory. And there are no figures from my past here, either. At least, not yet.

There are only reflections—reflections upon reflections upon reflections. The mirror charm on my neck warms as I meet my own eyes with less difficulty than before. Mouth dry, I analyze the mirrors themselves. They are positioned to allow a small path through the sea of reflections, and further along, the path seems to branch off into two. A maze. It’s a maze, and we must go through. The stairs will be waiting on the other side. Yet surely it cannot be so easy. I can feel, somehow, that we are nearly at the very top of my consciousness, that I am only a hairsbreadth away from reclaiming what’s mine. So for this to be only a simple maze of mirrors cannot be true. There is something lurking.

Someone.

And with Yego dead, there is only one monster it can be.

Stay close to me , I tell Eunbi, tightening my hand around hers. She nods as we step into the labyrinth. Our reflections move with us, a small curly-haired girl and a young woman with haunted brown eyes. With my other hand, I clench the three truths hard, the small charms of gold growing slick with my sweat.

When a sudden motion lurches out of the corner of my eye, I jump, but it is only Eunbi’s many reflections—Eunbi, scouring our surroundings with abrupt movements. I try to calm my rapidly beating heart.

A large mirror, a burnished-black framed sheet of reflective glass, stands before us as the path winds to the left. Yet something about it has my steps stilling. Something is strange about it. But what? Perhaps it is the small plaque above the frame, reading THE SISTER. And then it strikes me—Eunbi is not in the reflection. It is only the young woman with the sad eyes…

“Lina,” my other self says in the mirror, voice echoing through the hall, and I can only watch as she steps out from the glass. She is thin, with bruises underneath her eyes and cheeks sunken in from hunger. Yet there is a kind smile on her face as she looks to Eunbi, as if seeing Eunbi happy and whole is the only sustenance she needs, craves. “You found her,” she says softly. “Good.”

Who are you? I sign warily, and the young woman only shrugs, gesturing to the plaque. THE SISTER.

“Part of you,” she replies gently. “Only one of a whole.”

I inhale sharply as Eunbi’s hand tightens in mine. “Why…why do you look so…hungry?” she asks in a small voice. The Sister smiles beatifically.

“All I have, I give to you,” she murmurs. “My life, my love. All that I am. I live for you. I am nothing without you.”

Eunbi edges closer to me. “I…I see your ribs. You’re…sickly, aren’t you?”

Something flickers in her eyes, and her smile fades. “I died when you died. I deserve suffering, pain, and anguish. I am nothing without you,” she repeats. “I am nothing.”

“That’s not true,” breathes Eunbi, and she stares up at me. “Tell her—tell yourself, Lili. You’re not nothing!”

My words of smoke waver in the air as I try to reply to Eunbi. I…

“Go on, Lili,” begs Eunbi.

It feels as if I am swallowing glass as I turn back to The Sister. I do not summon my words to the air, instead speaking with my hands. This—this is only for us, these words.

Part of me still feels that anything I say now would be a lie. But Eunbi’s small hand is still in mine, and there is a dongsimgyeol charm above my heart, reminding me of my worth.

You are not the monster you think you are , I tell The Sister, watching her teary eyes track my hands. You’re not…nothing. You have made mistakes, yes—terrible mistakes. But there is still time to wash your bloodied hands. And… I look to Eunbi, the reason I have lived, breathed, and fought these past few years. And perhaps you need to learn to love yourself as much as you love her.

“Love?” scoffs The Sister bitterly. “Love is for the innocent. Love is not for me.”

How many times have I told myself the same thing? My fingers drift to the dongsimgyeol charm as Gameunjang’s words drift back to me before fluttering into the air.

You can be worthy of love, if you allow yourself to be.

The Sister’s throat works, a tear spilling down her cheek. I knew how Gameunjang’s words would affect her: they affected me the same way. And we are one, she and I.

The Sister hugs herself around the middle with skinny arms. Slowly, I let go of Eunbi’s hand and take a small step toward her. Gently, I embrace her. I embrace all that she is and all that she is not, this part of me that has been broken for so long.

I do not know how long it is before we slowly untangle. The Sister’s eyes shine with the light of dozens of stars as she cups my cheeks in her hands. “Thank you,” she whispers before shakily retreating. I blink unsteadily as The Sister steps backward toward the mirror. Its surface ripples, like mercury. “Be careful,” she whispers. “Your other selves are not as kind.”

A truth I know damningly well. My heart squeezes in my chest at the thought of the other parts of myself that surely lurk in this maze, waiting to be confronted. The Sister gives Eunbi one more tender smile before the glass closes around her face and she disappears.

“What did you say to her?” Eunbi asks quietly.

My smile trembles. Only the truth , I reply, my words drifting delicately in the air.

Eunbi looks as if she has more to ask but, apparently deciding that now is not the time, tugs insistently on my arm. “Come on, Lili. We have to go fast, remember?”

Right. Right . Forcing myself to keep up with Eunbi’s quick pace, I keep my eyes wide for other Linas, other plaques. When the next one comes, I shove Eunbi behind me as THE ASSASSIN steps out of the mirror to our left, a droll smile on her face as she leaps through the air, a vicious glint in her eyes as she tackles me.

My breath leaves me at the impact, but old training is taking over, and I am flipping myself upward and over, pinning The Assassin to the ground. Her long, dark braid—the same way I used to wear it—flicks into the air as she shoves upward, as I stumble back and hit the opposite mirror hard. The Assassin smirks, cocking her head, ignoring Eunbi as my little sister gapes and gapes.

“So eager to fight what you are,” The Assassin says as she approaches. “It’s pathetic, really.”

So eager to hurt and maim , I retort, hand movements sharp. To hold tight to false deniability, saying you only follow orders. Rui’s words from so long ago float back to me. Demands do not always hold dominance over what is right.

The Assassin flinches, face paling. “Stop it,” she snarls. “You know nothing.”

Your actions brought consequences. Panting, I roll my shoulders and eye her small frame, the frame I know so well. The weak spot of her left leg that I know must be throbbing. You could have found other ways to survive. You chose the easiest way, each time. And it damned you. It damned your sister.

“Stop,” The Assassin snarls, eyes sparking.

I know the combat route she is planning to take, know what angle she will come in at, know the speed at which she attacks. So when it comes—that launching at the throat—I am able to shift out of the way, and with a sharp movement, I grab her shoulders and slam her back onto the mirror from which she came. She struggles, the surface not yet turning to liquid, and I grit my teeth, pushing harder.

Only as she finally sinks back into those mercury depths do I finally breathe a sigh of relief, turning to Eunbi as I push a strand of sweaty hair away from my face.

Eunbi’s eyes are very wide, and she stares at the mirror from which The Assassin came. I wince, knowing that this self was—was ugly , was violent— but Eunbi only swallows hard and whispers, “She didn’t hurt me.”

She never would , I tell her, still breathing hard. It’s true. Even at my worst, I would never— ever —do anything to harm Eunbi. I need her to believe it—need it so badly that the ground seems to lurch beneath me. Eunbi nods slowly, still looking half in shock from the sudden attack. Her hand slipping into mine again, we launch back into our desperate run through the maze of mirrors.

THE ADDICT is next, an emaciated shell of a self. As she stands before me around the next turn, a cigarette held between her fingertips, I swallow back the sudden craving for a smoke. My throat itches violently, and my fingers twitch in longing.

“I can’t stop,” The Addict says quietly, shamefaced. “I can’t… I need it.”

Part of me wants to recoil from her, humiliation heating my blood as Eunbi stares at her. This is yet another secret I kept from Eunbi, hiding my dependence on halji from her, never wanting her to see her older sister so completely lost to the pull of the drug.

Yet I do not shrink away. Not now. I will not recoil from these broken pieces that compose me. Instead, I step forward and slowly pluck the cigarette from The Addict’s fingers. She watches, waiting for me to take a drag. And gods, it’s tempting—so tempting that I nearly do it.

But instead, I let it rest between my fingers for a long, long moment, watching as The Addict waits breathlessly for me to give in. When I don’t, she begins to smile.

“How?” she whispers as she takes the cigarette back.

Not easily , I reply with slightly trembling fingers. The effort of resisting was exhausting. My mouth burns with longing. Fury beats in my heart, fury that the Prophecy has held a cigarette to my body’s lips, has surrendered the battle I worked so damn hard to win. It hurts. And it’s hard. It will feel like it’s impossible. But in time… In time, it will become easier. And you don’t—you shouldn’t feel ashamed. I am so conscious of Eunbi’s gaze as she watches The Addict, taking in her flushed skin and hollow eyes. Never feel ashamed for the battles you have fought, Lina.

“Thank you,” she whispers and, with a look of hope, steps back into her mirror.

Eunbi slips her hand into mine and squeezes. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to. Her shining eyes and tiny smile say it all.

And I smile back—just a bit.

We hurry through the labyrinth for a long time without encountering another reflection. Eunbi is the one who chooses which paths to take in the maze, squeezing her eyes shut and then pointing hopefully in either direction. It is as reliable a method as anything, and it amuses her. She’s turned it into a game, and her hand is still in mine as a small skip returns to her step. It makes my heart swell so dangerously large to see her with even just a tiny semblance of that natural buoyancy again.

The world is silent save for our echoing footsteps as we traverse through the cold twists and turns. There is no telling where the exit may be, yet it comforts me that with every turn, there is something we have not seen before: whether it be a differently shaped mirror, a scuff on the glossy obsidian floor, or a scratch on the glass. I feel that we are, somehow, on the right path.

It is when a soft sigh reaches my ears that I freeze, glancing down at Eunbi, who is also frowning.

“It wasn’t me,” she says, nose wrinkling in concern as she glances over her shoulder. Nothing is there, yet I feel another presence, as surely as I feel Eunbi’s hand in mine. “I think it’s another one of, well, of you.”

Swallowing hard, I wonder which aspect of myself we will soon be forced to face. How many are left? The Sister, The Assassin, The Addict… What if the next one is The Monster? That serpentine beast of a girl?

Eunbi inches closer to me. “You’re shaking, Lili,” she says.

I’m scared , I reply honestly.

“Don’t be,” a voice—my voice—says. A Lina steps out from one of the mirrors, this one crafted of polished, rose-gold metal. She smiles, gesturing to her plaque. THE LOVER.

The Lover wears a white nightdress, her hair long and unbound. Her cheeks are full and pink, her dark eyes sparkling as she walks toward us. Her every movement is lithe, almost weightless, as if she is walking atop the clouds. “Lina,” she greets, raising a hand. Her voice is different than The Assassin, than The Addict, than The Sister—it is sleepy, content, as if she has everything she could ever possibly want.

My heart stops as I spy the jewelry on her fingers. The jade garakji, the silver ring with the inscription on the underneath—the inscription that reads, Call to me, and I will come.

These rings, they were destroyed by the Prophecy, crushed into dust, into nothingness. And yet here they are, on The Lover’s fingers, glittering underneath the silver light, sparkling in the dozens of reflections around us.

A small breath escapes my lips, and The Lover raises her brows knowingly.

“You want them back, don’t you?” she asks. When I nod, she sighs. “I can’t just give them to you,” The Lover scolds, as if this should be common sense, and perhaps it is.

“Why not?” Eunbi demands and points to the garakji. To the two jade rings, meant for the fourth finger of a bride. If her husband passes before her, the woman parts with one of the rings, sending her lover to Jeoseung with one of the rings on his finger while she continues to wear the remaining one above—a symbol of perennial love and loyalty. “Those are from her husband. Those are from Rui !”

The Lover looks at me with soft brown eyes. I wonder when I looked this beautiful—hair mussed, lips slightly swollen, life blooming like a gorgeous radiance atop my face. I wonder if I will ever look this beautiful again. “I want to give them to you,” she assures me, “but if you take them, you’re making a promise again. Are you ready to keep that oath?”

A promise.

A promise to Rui, to be his once more—to stay by his side. To love him, forevermore. My vision blurs, and I blink away the hot tears. I do not know if we will ever have the happy endings I so coveted in the stories, the mythologies. But perhaps, if this works… Perhaps we will find a piece of happiness, and even that would be enough for me.

I’m ready.

The Lover smiles then, a brilliant beam, and slides the rings onto my fingers. They are warm, comfortingly so—and in a way, it feels as if I was never separated from them at all.

“Love him,” my other self whispers as the glass of her mirror begins to ripple. “Desperately so, passionately so, steadily so. He is your anchor in a treacherous sea. You are his light in the impenetrable dark. Where you go, he will follow.” She smiles. “One more self awaits you, Lina. Good luck.”

One more self. One more broken piece of me I must try to glue back together.

Oh, gods. I know which one this is.

As The Lover disappears, I turn to Eunbi, crouching down to hold her face in my hands. I know what self it is that awaits me—there is one that has, until now, been notably absent. One of scales and serpentine grace, one with golden eyes and fangs, one with a forked tongue and a murderous appetite. Eunbi , I say, summoning the words to float in the air, little sister, this last one…I must do it alone.

Eunbi frowns, her small hands covering mine. “I’m not scared,” she insists. “And I won’t hate you, if you show me.”

I know , I tell her with a smile that is bittersweet on my lips. But I’m asking you for me. I don’t want you to see this one.

She holds my gaze for a long moment before sighing, accepting my wish with a tiny nod. “Will I see you again?” she asks in a small voice.

My eyes fill with tears. I do not know , I answer, the smoky words trembling slightly, I… This is not over, not yet. If Gameunjang has guided us true, it may be…some years before I see Eunbi again. But if we have failed… Yego’s face flashes in my mind’s eye, a herald of what may come.

Eunbi swallows hard as she scans my eyes. “Lili,” she whispers, “I love you. And I…I forgive you.”

It is an effort to remain standing as my knees buckle beneath me. Blinking hard, I drag her into one last embrace. I love you too, little sister. I kiss her cheek. I’ll see you again, one day.

“Don’t…” Eunbi shakes her head, like she’s searching for words. “Don’t see me again too quickly,” she finally manages. “I don’t want you to be—to be hurt.”

My smile wavers. I will try.

It is not a promise, not really, yet she nods contentedly and returns my embrace so tightly that I can barely breathe. “Remember that I forgave you,” she says, muffled, face pressed into my stomach. “Please…please don’t hate yourself any longer.” Stepping back, Eunbi wipes at her eyes and sniffles. “Goodbye, Lili,” she says. “Remember how strong you are. You have more power than you know.”

I fight to keep my face from crumpling. Since when did you become so wise? I tease, fighting back a sob.

Eunbi smiles a little shyly as she begins to fade. “I learned from my older sister,” she replies, just before she disappears altogether.

The mirror maze is so very silent without her. For a few long moments, I stare at the place where she once was, picking up my broken pieces and fitting them back together. As a tear traces a path down my cheek, I feel—for the very first time—entirely whole.

Ready to confront this last self.

So with a deep breath, I begin to run.