Page 19 of Reece & Holden (Gomillion High Reunion #6)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Holden

When I wake it takes a few seconds to remember where I am before everything floods back to me.

I’m disappointed about the store, but today I feel more optimistic that I can find somewhere else.

I feel a small amount of guilt that I snapped at Reece too, as he’d been pretty great all day and we’d been getting along really well.

At least I’d thought so. Where is he? It doesn’t feel like he’s in the room, and I look around, concerned that maybe he’d tried to catch a bus back after all.

But I see his bag on the chair, so he hasn’t left, and relief washes through me.

I sit up and lean against the headboard, and looking down I see the knitted heart on the pillow.

My breath catches in my throat. I can’t move as time seems to stand still, and the rest of the world is just a faint muffled hum as I stare at the heart.

Eventually I force air back into my lungs, and carefully I reach out and pick it up.

I turn it over in my hands. It’s definitely the one I made for him in high school, I’d know it anywhere.

The shape of it is imprinted on my soul.

I look carefully . . . It’s worn, the wool is fraying, and the stuffing is coming out. It looks like it’s been held a lot.

But he threw it away. I saw it drop from his hand.

Unless . . .

No, I definitely saw that happen.

Reece has been trying to talk to me since he came back, but I wouldn’t listen. Is it related to this? And where is he?

I should get up and find him. There’s not much to this town so he can’t be far. But I don’t. Instead, I sit with the heart still in my hands and so many questions running through my head.

The door opens and I look up to see Reece enter, looking fresh and as handsome as ever.

“You’re awake,” he says with a smile. “I brought you coffee and a pastry.” He puts them down on the table and then his eyes shift to my hands. Uncertainty crosses his face and then he starts babbling. “Are you hungry? I wasn’t sure. Did you sleep well?”

“Reece!”

He stops and looks at me and I hold up the heart.

“I-I saw you throw it away.”

He casts his gaze around the room as if looking for something. It must be somewhere to sit, as eventually he crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed. He rubs his hands down his thighs.

“I did throw it away.”

“Then how?”

“After class I went back and retrieved it.”

“Why?”

“If you ask the eighteen-year-old me, he didn’t know.

He just did it. His world was chaotic and he thought he was the cause of everything falling apart around him.

He didn’t know which of his parents’ sides he was supposed to take.

He was scared and even more scared of showing it.

Everyone at school didn’t care, all they cared about was his place on the swim team, so that’s what he worked at.

But this was different . . . It was like someone saw him, right inside, the vulnerable kid just trying to work out his place.

It hurt so much that he couldn’t take it, so he pushed back, rejecting everything that made him feel that way.

You bore the brunt of that, and he kept going until he was sure you would never see that person inside him again. ”

He stops, his head bowed, not looking at me.

His shoulders heave as if he’s finding it hard to keep it together, and I wonder if he’s ever told anyone that before.

I’ve misjudged him completely. I hate what he did, it did a lot of damage, but it was a long time ago and I’ve dealt with it.

I can see the pain Reece must have gone through, and while I still wish it’d never happened, now I understand it, I can’t hate the person who did it.

I scoot along the bed to be closer to him, and lay a hand on his back, feeling him shudder slightly beneath my touch. He twists his head to look at me, and I can see the regret and sorrow brimming in his large dark eyes.

“This is a lot for me to process right now, s-so please give me some time. But I-I know you’re not that person anymore,” I whisper.

He gives me a sad smile like he can’t take that in right now, but he leans slightly into my touch. He looks down at the heart I’m still holding and gently takes it from me. He almost caresses it in what looks like a familiar gesture.

“Over the years this has been like an anchor to me, a calm spot in my chaos. And then when I went to England it was a little piece of home. It grounded me and also gave me hope.” His voice is quiet and wistful.

The knowledge that he’s carried it with him all this time fills my chest with butterflies, their wings beating an erratic rhythm for a chance I never thought possible.

“What hope?” I whisper.

“That one day I could bring it back to you.”

The beat against my ribs feels so loud I think he might be able to hear it. Could my dreams come true? Probably not. He hasn’t given any indication that he thinks of me like that. He’s just been polite and friendly. I try to keep my voice level as I ask.

“Y-you said if I asked the eighteen-year-old you, he wouldn’t know why he went back for the heart. H-has time given you a different perspective?”

This time he doesn’t look away. “He didn’t know it back then, but he secretly had a crush on the guy who gave it to him.”

“D-d-did he?” I croak, the lump in my throat making it hard to speak.

“Yes.”

“And now?”

He turns around a little further so he’s nearly facing me. “Twenty years hasn’t changed much.” He lifts a hand and runs a finger down my face and along my jaw. “It just feels odd to still call it a crush at my age.”

He leans forward and gently kisses me. His lips are soft with a hint of coffee. I melt into him as he deepens the kiss, slowly exploring with his tongue. It’s perfect and the butterflies swoop in my chest before they break free, leaving me feeling light-headed. It’s worth the twenty year wait.