Page 9 of Redeeming Violet (Red Team #3)

By the time we’d boarded the jet, the buzzing in my ears had subsided and the pounding in my head had lessened.

At least I could hear without an echo now.

My arm throbbed, but I pushed it aside. I had bigger things to worry about than just a graze .

Jaxon had taken me to the back of the plane, pointed and told me to sit, then left to go back up front.

Wolf and his team, along with Jasmin, Zane, Eric, and Jaxon, were in a huddle near the now-closed cabin door.

They were speaking in hushed voices too low for me to hear.

They were safe, that’s what I kept repeating to myself as the plane taxied down the runway.

Once we were airborne, exhaustion had started to pull me under when Abe sat in the empty seat beside me.

He was an imposing man. Not because of his height, but there was a presence about him that demanded your attention.

Frankly, he scared the shit out of me, they all did, but Christopher Powers looked like he wanted to kill me with his bare hands.

There was no doubt he could do it too. I’d lived through a shootout in South Sudan and it would be just my luck Abe would strangle me on the plane.

“So, you’re the leak?” he asked, not wasting any time letting me know Zane had filled him in.

“That’s a nice way to say it. I think Zane prefers to call me a treacherous lying bitch. I think I like your description better. ”

“Is this a joke to you?” His face had gone unreadable.

“No, Abe. It’s not a joke. Nothing about the last six months of my life has been a joke.

It’s been hell. Excuse me if I’m done with everyone looking at me like I’m the second coming of the devil.

I did what I did to save lives. I stand behind it.

I’d do it again if it meant I could have even the smallest chance of saving them.

Do you think I enjoyed giving those assholes information on the Attorney General?

Do you think I wanted to snoop through his personal life, Pamela Cox’s life, put Olivia in harm’s way?

I didn’t. But you know why I did? Every time I closed my eyes all I could see was each and every one of those undercover agents being tortured to death.

Their deaths wouldn’t be clean and quick; they’d be beaten, they’d suffer, they’d be beheaded and drug through the streets, and their bodies would be defiled.

That is unacceptable to me. They deserved more.

They are not names on a list to me. They are brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, humans!

They deserve my unwavering loyalty and protection.

At the end of the day, what I did may not save their lives, but I can go to my grave knowing that I tried my fucking best. And Abe, make no mistake, I know my end is near.

I’ve made my peace and I’m ready to accept the consequences of my actions.

There is nothing you can say to me that will make me regret my decision. Right or wrong, it was mine to make.”

By the end of my rant, I noticed Jaxon had joined us in the back of the plane, no doubt to throw in his two-cents as well.

I was too fucking worn-out to hear what a horrible person I was.

I had roughly six more hours of freedom left.

When we landed back in the states, I was sure Zane would be driving me to the nearest federal building to drop me off and be done with me.

I’d done all I could do. I knew they weren’t going to give me the guidance chip Manuel Ortega demanded I give to him.

They were firmly under the school of thought you didn’t negotiate with terrorists.

I tried my best, and I failed. The game was over, and I was heading to jail.

I hoped like hell now that Zane knew what was going on he could save some of the agents.

“How long have you known Declan Crenshaw was your brother?” Abe asked.

“Almost a year. His service record came across my desk a week before his final interview for long-term cover,” I told him.

“Why’d you look into his adoption records?” Abe asked.

“Why wouldn’t I? I was approving him for deep cover. I needed to know everything about him before my interview.”

Abe seemed to process my answer before he spoke again. “I’ve met your brother.”

“You have? Where? Is he okay? Do you know where he is now?”

Hope bloomed in my chest. If Abe and his team knew where Declan was, they could warn him.

“It was years ago in Pakistan. His Force Recon team helped us slip into India after we rescued a chemical engineer that had been kidnapped. Did you know he has a tattoo on his chest?”

“What? A tattoo? No, I didn’t make him strip down and do a search. ”

Why the hell was he asking me about tattoos?

I was charged with a candidate’s mental state, not their choice of body art.

There was a time SPECOPs and CIA didn’t want any distinguishing marks, including tattoos, and they’d been known to ask agents and soldiers to laser remove tattoos before going undercover, but those days are long past. You’re hard-pressed to find hardcore door kickers that don’t have tatts these days.

“It’s a fairly large purple flower over his heart,” he told me.

“A flower?”

What did that mean? Why would Declan have a flower tattooed over his heart?

“Violet.”

“Yes?” I answered.

Was Abe crazy? He was looking right at me; it wasn’t necessary for him to say my name.

“Not you. The tattoo, it is a violet.”

“He knew about me?”

I had read Declan’s service records; I knew he was a good Marine.

I’d also read the recommendations from his superiors and character statements, but those things told me very little about Declan the man.

I was desperate to know who he was. I wanted to learn everything about the brother I never knew.

“I never talked to him about anything other than the mission. His teammates called him Flower and I saw the tattoo when we were changing our gear. I never asked him about it.”

“Flower? I thought his callsign was Hawk?” I asked.

“Maybe. Sometimes there’s a difference between what your buddies call you and what name is used over the radio,” Abe explained.

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“I’ll let you get some rest.” Abe stood and glanced at Jaxon. “And thanks for getting the intel you found to Zane. I wasn’t looking forward to sitting and sweating my ass off in the desert with no comms for the next few days.”

“Sorry, I didn’t find it until after you were already in flight. Glad you’re all alright.”

Jaxon gave Abe a lift of his chin as he passed and brought his attention back to me.

“You okay?” he asked.

It was the first time since I’d met him, he’d spoken to me with genuine concern.

His features had relaxed a bit, and his blue eyes had softened.

Some time since we boarded he’d taken off his tac vest and the rest of his gear, leaving his hard muscles on display under the black tee he wore.

He was a damn good-looking man for sure.

Under his hard exterior, I bet there was a heart of gold.

Too bad I’d never get to see it. I’m sure he had women falling all over themselves to get to him.

His eyebrow raised expectantly, and I remembered I hadn’t answered.

“I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt too bad.” I turned slightly so he could see the cotton he’d tied around my arm was still in place.

“I wasn’t talking about your arm.”

I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to him. I wasn’t even sure I fully understood his question. Was I fine? No, I wasn’t. I’d never be fine again .

“Why do you think Declan didn’t tell me he knew he was my brother? I mean, assuming he did, if Abe is right about the tattoo being a violet. It could just be a coincidence, right?”

“Why didn’t you tell him you knew?” he countered.

“He was leaving. The last thing he needed was to find out he had a long-lost sibling. I wanted his mind clear.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to tell you for the same reasons? I don’t know why.”

“I guess it’s one more thing I’ll never know.”

There was so much about my brother I’d never know, and all the information I had on him was superficial. All the wasted years. In some ways, I almost wished I’d never found out about him. The pain of knowing he was out there, out of my reach, broke my heart.

“I’ll let you get some rest.”

Jaxon moved toward the front of the plane and I took in my fill of his backside. Damn, he had a nice ass too. In a different time and place I would’ve liked to have gotten to know Jaxon Cain and his sculpted body better. Unfortunately for me, he was out of my reach as well.