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M y eyes fly open, air heaving in and out of my lungs as reality starts to sink back in.
It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare.
I fling my blanket off of my legs as I quickly become aware of how much sweat is dripping down my body.
Deep breaths. Calm down.
Sitting up on my elbows, I start taking slow, deep breaths and reach for my water bottle on my nightstand. Hydration is one of the most important things when it comes to POTS. Taking a few sips, I continue to relax my breathing, feeling my heart rate begin to slow.
My nightmare flashes as I remember that it wasn’t a torturous image conjured up by my imagination; it was very real. A memory from my time at Avandale High.
As the purple eyes appear in my mind, a chilling shiver races down my spine, goose bumps erupting across the tops of my arms.
Last night … Malik really was here, in my room. I still can’t believe it. A horrifying scene that even my mind couldn’t create.
He shouldn’t be here at all, especially in my room. But to be fair, I never double-checked from the rumors I had heard during our senior year.
That’s an oversight on my part, but there won’t be another. I need to be on my A game from now on. I won’t let him make a mockery of me, not anymore.
Never again.
Once my breathing returns to normal, I start sitting up slowly, focusing on my body for anything out of the ordinary.
My head isn’t hurting, which, so far, is a good sign that I might have avoided triggering an episode. But it’s still early; they can come out of nowhere sometimes.
Thankfully, my body is being kind to me this morning.
Glancing at the nightstand, I grab my phone and check the time. Seven forty a.m. A whole twenty minutes before my alarm is supposed to start going off.
Sliding off of my tall bed, I step into my slippers. No harm in getting an early start to the day.
Sunny is starting to stir, slowly rolling over onto her stomach from her favorite sleeping position—upside down on her back with her head cocked to the side.
“Good morning, sweetie,” I greet her, reaching my arm back and brushing her golden bedhead.
She stretches back into a downward dog pose and yawns.
Walking to the sliding glass door, I pull back the curtains and unlock the door before sliding it open. Hopping off of the bed, she lazily saunters out, getting more energy back into her with each step she takes. And before I know it, she’s leaping and bounding in figure eights across the dewy grass.
Leaning against the open doorframe, I take a deep breath, inhaling the crisp fall Washington air. I’ve only been to Evermore a few times in my life—with my dad for publicity of his donations to the university. But even then, I saw how special this place was.
It’s like the town and school were conjured from a fairy tale. The shops downtown are crafted from brick with flowers overflowing every windowsill—fake or real, they look incredible. Not a penny left in the budget when it came to the aesthetics. The town square has a gigantic marble fountain that puts on a water and light show every four hours.
I can’t wait to get out and explore on my own with Sunny, without the crowd of photographers and journalists looking for a good story, like all the other times before.
After a quick potty break, Sunny prances back over to me. I quickly clean her wet paws before letting her pass me.
My phone pings, and I pick it up off the bed where I left it, finding a text from Flora in my family group chat—consisting of my three aunts and myself.
Flora: Good morning. Sending all of the love your way today. Call us later! We love you!
Freya: Or call now. Whenever. Anytime. We miss you so much!
Fauna: Don’t forget to take your meds and drink lots of water!
Flora: And avoid too many sweets!
Freya: Give Sunny extra pets for me!
Fauna: Keep your purse stocked with everything you need. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything, honey!
They’re ridiculous. I love them so much. They may be my aunts, but they feel more like three mothers than anything.
They raised me far more than my dad ever did—at least in the ways that matter most. Even if I spent seventeen years with him and only two with them.
Although my dad did teach me lessons that I’ll never forget either—like how little someone’s word can weigh.
I miss you all too! I’m about to take Sunny for a walk. I’ll FaceTime you guys later tonight. I love you all so much!
Setting my phone down on the bed, I walk across the room to my dresser and grab a pair of leggings and a hoodie before quickly changing and slipping on a pair of socks.
After washing my face, brushing my teeth, and putting light makeup on, I brush through my blonde hair and throw it in a high ponytail, calling it good enough for the day. Taking Sunny on a walk this morning is the only thing I plan on doing outside of my room today, so a ponytail will do just fine.
Besides, I don’t have the mental energy to sit and curl my hair like I usually do.
Maybe I’ll feel up for it when classes start in two days.
Sunny jumps back up in bed and curls up with a blanket, watching me as I settle down onto my piano bench and lift the lid of my piano, revealing fifty-two pearly white keys and thirty-six black ones.
“Ahh,” I sigh, feeling peace settle in the depths of my shoulders as my fingers brush against the keys and my feet against the pedals.
From memory, I begin playing La Valse by Ravel, the upbeat tone filling the room around me, creating a shield from the rest of the world. My sanctuary, my true happy place, is when my music surrounds me and wraps me up in a warm hug.
I get lost in the notes, my body rocking back and forth as my hands dance the familiar pattern.
I love this piece; it’s one of my favorites. It’s beautiful with bursts of clarity during the melody. But there’s an undertone in it, building as the song continues.
The first time I heard it, the resolve took my breath away, leaving me on the edge of my seat.
When I’m anxious or overwhelmed, this is the song I listen to, the one that slowly brings me back from the edge of panic. Or I play it if there’s a piano nearby, but when I was on press tours with my dad, that wasn’t always an option.
Especially when he wouldn’t allow me to publicly play throughout my entire childhood.
Sunny huffs behind me, and I turn to face her, my fingers continuing to play. She is alert with a new burst of energy. I know what she wants, and after this song, I’ll give it to her.
Closing my eyes and finish, taking a deep breath when the final note sounds through the room. I hate that I have to use an electric piano in the dorms. But I understand that a full grand piano would be very loud in comparison. I chuckle to myself at the thought. This one will do just fine.
Closing the lid, I get up and walk over to my shoe rack, grabbing my sneakers and tying them snug on my feet. Sunny is watching me very cautiously, waiting for the slightest movement toward her leash.
Lifting my crossbody strap over my shoulder, I secure my purse at my side and tuck a water bottle inside.
Turning to face my girl, I can’t help the smile that starts to lift my lips. She has kept me sane the last couple of years and helped more than I’ll ever be able to repay her. But I’ll start with this.
“How about it, Sunny? Do you wannaaa”—I drag the A out, and her ears perk up in anticipation of what’s coming next—“go for a … walk ?”
Her entire face lights up with excitement, and she looks at her leash hanging by the door. Then she jumps from our bed and sprints over to me, her body vibrating with excitement.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I grin and grab her leash and harness, I slip it on her.
Slipping my phone into my purse, I lead the way out of the room, Sunny snug at my side. The door automatically locks behind us and we head outside for an early morning tour of campus.
Sunny stays glued to my hip as we wander through the hall and down the steps outside of the dormitory.
Making the way to one of the dark cobblestone pathways that connect all of campus, I stay to the right side, out of the way of the bustling students. Some flutter past in a rush while some lackadaisically pass by—both groups stealing glances at Sunny. I knew she would draw some attention from my fellow students, but I’m honestly surprised no one has approached us yet. She is wearing her pink service dog vest, but that hasn’t stopped people before.
The wide walkways are lined by four-foot vibrant green hedges, perfectly trimmed into sharp rectangles with no gaps between them. The chilly morning’s only reprieve is the sunlight warming my back. Birds tweet in the trees scattered around us while squirrels race up and down the branches.
This campus really is breathtaking in every way possible. It’s like stepping into a fairy tale. The buildings are all structured like old castles, and there are flower gardens spread throughout the grounds, tall grassy hedges lining the walkways, white marble fountains, and even a hedge maze.
I take a right at Hubert Hall, where I have Economics class. I might have created the path based on where my classes will be so I feel more comfortable with getting to them when the time comes.
I’m a master planner with everything I do. I like having control as much as I possibly can. I like habits, patterns, and routines. It helps with my POTS and my mental health.
Malik was not part of my vision. He is a very unwelcome addition, catching me completely off guard. I wish I had punched him in the face yesterday just to make myself feel better, although I’m sure my hand wouldn’t feel the same way after colliding with that annoyingly sharp jaw.
Turning the corner toward the Student Union, I slam to a stop with Sunny when I spot the devil himself twenty feet away from me with a group of other tall and obnoxiously well-built guys, and a brunette girl. He laughs at something one of them said, his head tipping back and eyes squeezing shut before slapping one of the guys on the back of his head.
I’ve never seen him look so … happy . It’s unnerving.
As if he can sense my stare, his head turns my way, that piercing gaze locking with mine. I suck in a sharp breath at the intensity.
Even from here, I can feel his stare like a physical touch, pinning me in place.
His jaw clenches, and every joyous feature he just had hardens to stone. His black-and-white-inked arms cross against his muscular chest, as if he’s standing his ground.
Stomping my right heel lightly on the cobblestone, I do the same, quickly covering the shock and fear on my face with confidence and annoyance.
He turns his whole body to face me, ignoring the group of people he’s with, and a shiver twists down my spine, goose bumps erupting. He’s intimidating and good at using it as a weapon.
But I’m not backing down. I take a step forward, Sunny following suit—completely unaware of the game she is tied up in. His eyes narrowing as he takes a step toward me. As childish as this feels, I won’t let him win. I take another step.
With thirty feet still between us, this will take quite a while.
But we’re already out of time.
One of the guys next to him pats his chest, eyebrows furrowed and head cocked to the side.
The dark-haired guy follows Malik’s stare—right to me—and his confusion only deepens.
Like dominoes falling, one by one, everyone else in the group does the same until they’re all staring at me.
But they aren’t looking at me with disdain, like Malik; they just seem utterly perplexed. I don’t blame them.
It’s probably odd to see your friend in a stare-off with a girl across the courtyard.
One of the other guys mutters something to Malik, and a second later, he hesitantly retreats from his post, turning his back to me. Only now, I can see just how fast he’s breathing, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly as he storms off in the opposite direction. Two of the guys follow after him, but the rest of the group hesitates, studying me for a moment more.
The brunette girl with a bow in her hair tugs at the biggest guy’s hand, and he lets her lead him away. The rest of the group follows behind them.
A smile tips my lips up, and a sense of pride blooms in my chest.
I interpret that interaction as a success. He didn’t charge over here and dump his drink on me. Or have everyone around us start laughing at some obscene rumor.
He just left.
And I just won. For once, I won .
But as fast as the giddiness appeared, a gloomy eerie storm settles into my bones. He won’t let it end like that. He’ll find a way to get back at me.
Malik’s a sore loser, and he’ll make sure he comes out on top, no matter the cost.