Page 2 of Redeeming the Outlaw (First Families of Flat River #11)

November 1873

“Esther!”

Esther Billings sat on her window seat, hidden from view by a worn red curtain. The pages of her penny novel rustled as she eagerly flipped through them, her hazel eyes scanning each word, eagerly absorbing each thrilling detail. As her sister’s voice drifted up the stairs, she remained too engrossed in the daring adventures of the heroine to care.

She couldn’t help but feel envious of the protagonist’s exciting life, filled with danger and romance. With each turn of the page, her heart raced, and her own desires for a life beyond the confines of her simple life in Flat River grew stronger. As a preacher’s daughter, she knew her dreams of romance and adventure were forbidden, but she couldn’t suppress her longing for them. The characters in her book seemed so much more alive and exciting than her own mundane existence.

She dreamed of one day breaking free from her small town and living out her own grand adventure. For now, the penny novel would have to be enough to fulfill her hidden desires.

“Esther,” called her younger sister Naomi, interrupting her reverie. “Papa is looking for you.”

Groaning, Esther tore open the curtain and hastily hid the illicit novel beneath her mattress just as Naomi burst into the room.

“Esther, Papa is looking for you,” Naomi repeated as she spotted Esther.

“Thank you, Naomi.” Esther stood up, her light brown hair falling softly around her shoulders in waves. She smoothed her simple yet elegant dress, maintaining the appearance of the propriety expected of her. “I heard you the first time.”

“If you heard me the first time, then why did you ignore me?” Naomi kneeled next to the bed and reached her hand underneath the mattress, yanking out the small paper tome.

“Give me that,” Esther said, reaching for her precious book.

“Is this a new one?” Her younger sister held her arm out as far as she could. “Does it have a swoony cowboy? Has he kissed her yet?”

“Naomi Ann Billings!” Esther feigned shock. “You shouldn’t even know about such things.”

“Don’t be a ninny, Esther. Ruth reads them to me when you aren’t home.” She flipped through the pages gleefully. “So, is this a new one?”

“Yes. Four new ones arrived at the mercantile this week.” She snatched the book from Naomi’s hand and pressed the wrinkles from the crisp cover. “I could only afford one. If it doesn’t get wrinkled...” she narrowed her eyes as she looked at Naomi, “... I might exchange it for another. I wish there was a place where we could borrow books, then return them.” Shoving the book back underneath her mattress, she turned and looked at Naomi.

Her sister stared at her with large green eyes, making her appear much younger than her thirteen years.

“I’ll tell you what. If you don’t mention this to Mama or Papa, I’ll let Ruth and you read it before I take it back to Mrs. Arden.”

“Really?”

“Just stop sneaking in here and taking them.” Esther raised an eyebrow. “You said Papa was looking for me?”

“He’s in his study.” Naomi leaned forward slightly. “He seems upset about something.”

“That doesn’t sound good. Are you going as well?”

Naomi shook her head. “I’m going with Mama and Ruth to visit the widows in town.” She leaned forward again, her light blonde hair bouncing underneath the ridiculous ribbon on top of her head. “I don’t think they want to be here when Papa talks to you.” With a flounce, she was out the door, and Esther could hear her skipping down the stairs.

Sighing, Esther ran a brush through her hair and descended the creaky wooden stairs in search of her father, their old farmhouse enveloped in quiet morning light.

Her father’s study door was slightly ajar. Taking a deep breath, she knocked lightly on the door before pushing it open. The room was small but cozy, with bookshelves lining the walls and a large desk in the center. Her father stood by the window, peering out at the lone tree in the churchyard, its leaves falling with the changing season. He turned to look at her with a warm smile.

“Papa, Naomi said you wanted to see me,” Esther said, trying to hide her nervousness.

“Ah, there you are, my dear,” he said, beckoning her in. “Come in and sit down. I had Mama make us some tea before she left.”

“Tea?” Esther rushed forward and placed her hand against her father’s head. “Papa, are you ill? Naomi said you were upset.” Her mind flitted back to the books she had secreted away. “I’ve not displeased you, have I?”

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close for a hug, kissing the top of her head. When did his shoulders become so thin?

“Of course not, my darling. You could never displease me.”

“Then what is wrong?”

He motioned for her to sit down on one of the plush armchairs in front of his desk. As she settled into the chair, she couldn’t help but notice his outfit. Instead of his usual Sunday frock, he was wearing an ugly hand-knitted sweater and dark trousers.

“Is everything all right, Papa?” Esther asked, fidgeting with the hem of her dress.

He settled in the chair across from her. Though he was in his late fifties, with hair thinning and graying at the temples, there was a vigor and purposefulness to his movements which defied his age. His face was creased and weathered, speaking to a lifetime of care and conviction. Eyes the color of a cloudless prairie sky looked out from beneath heavy brows, their piercing gaze belying the underlying warmth within.

“Look how grown you are, Esther. It seems like yesterday you were just a babe in your mother’s arms. Now you are a grown woman of nineteen. You should be married by now.”

Esther felt her heartbeat quicken, anxiety mixing with anticipation. “Married, Papa?”

“Mama and I have been thinking,” he began, his voice resonating with the conviction of his faith. “I sent a letter to Reverend and Mrs. Dunn asking them to help us find a suitable husband for you. Of course, we moved to Flat River before the answer arrived.”

Papa, Mama, and her two sisters, Ruth, and Naomi, moved from Grand Platte to Flat River in late September after scarlatina took the town’s reverend. A letter which arrived from Mrs. Ingrid Chapman had convinced her papa to pack his family and move them across the state to a new house and a tiny town.

The words struck Esther like a blow. “Letter?”

Papa picked up a piece of paper and waved it between two fingers. “Their response arrived this morning.”

This explained why everyone left the house. She wondered if her sisters already knew.

“What did it say?”

“Reverend Dunn has shared my letter and requirements with several young men graduating from the seminary college in Chicago. Those who are interested will write to him. Then Mrs. Dunn will help sort the letters and decide on the best ones to forward to me for review.”

Esther had known this moment would come, but the reality of her impending marriage filled her with a sense of dread. Her heart yearned for more than a life of duty as a preacher’s wife, but how could she voice such thoughts to her father, the man who had always guided her with unwavering love and devotion?

Yes, she wanted adventure, but couldn’t she have them close to home?

“Will I remain close by? The thought of leaving you, Mama, and my sisters...” the last word came out on a sob. Her heart felt as heavy as a stone in her chest as she considered the prospect of leaving her family. “I don’t know if I want to marry right now.”

Reverend Billings sighed. He pulled his Bible across his desk and placed his hands on top of it, tapping his fingers in a steady rhythm. “Esther, it is your duty to get married and serve as a proper reverend’s wife. If it is God’s will you move, then you will move. If it is His will for you to stay here, then He will provide a way for it to happen. Reverend Dunn should know something soon, and then it will be done.”

Her fingers twisted the fabric of her modest dress nervously. “But, Papa—”

“Esther,” he interrupted, his voice stern but not unkind. “You must trust God has a plan for you, and I am only doing what is best for our family.”

A wave of guilt washed over her. She swallowed hard, her throat tight with emotion. Her father had always been there for her, guiding her with his unwavering faith and love. Surely, he would not lead her astray now.

“I’m sorry, Papa. You’ve been nothing but a good father to me.”

He walked around the desk and placed a hand on her shoulder, his grip firm but gentle. “I fear I have been too lenient with you, my dear. Perhaps I should have been stricter when you were growing up.”

Esther shook her head and stood to wrap her arms around her father in a warm embrace. “No, Papa. You’ve always been perfect. I promise to obey when the letters arrive.”

“Thank you, Esther,” he replied, returning the hug before gently releasing her.

As Esther considered her future, she was torn between the life of duty and devotion which lay before her and her longing for something more. She whispered another prayer, hoping one day she could reconcile her desires with her commitment to her family and community. Lifting her fingers to brush away any trace of tears which might have fallen on her cheeks, she gave her father a half smile.

“Have you told Ruth and Naomi?”

Papa shook his head. “No. I don’t think Mama will tell them because I asked the Reverend to look for a husband for Ruth, too.”

“She’s only seventeen!”

“She’s old enough to get married. Your mother and I married when she was sixteen.”

“Papa, please. I’m begging you, don’t force Ruth to marry so quickly.”

“Esther, you’ll do as I say. You need to learn obedience and to keep your opinions to yourself. I suggest you stop reading those penny novels and spend more time in the Word before your new husband comes to fetch you.” Esther gasped as Papa walked back around the desk and sat down. “Don’t look so surprised, Esther. I know everything which goes on in this house.”

“You’ve not said anything.”

“Like I said, I have been too lenient with you. There hasn’t been a need until now. Just don’t let Naomi read them. She doesn’t need any ideas.”

“Ideas about what, Papa?”

Papa laughed. “About anything.” Esther watched as he moved to a prie-dieu set near the window. “Come join me, and let’s pray together about your future.”

She moved next to him and lifted her skirt slightly before kneeling on the wooden bench’s padded cushion. Folding her hands, she placed her elbows on the sloped shelf and bowed her head.

“Heavenly Father,” Papa began. Esther listened to him pray before starting a prayer of her own.

“God, grant me the strength to honor my family and follow Your path,” she prayed softly, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “I pray my future husband shares our faith and values. Please don’t let him take me too far away from Flat River, and if it’s not too much to ask, may he be handsome and love adventure.” She hesitated, biting her lip as she considered adding one more request. “And please, Lord, don’t let him be boring.”

As she prayed, Esther’s mind filled with images of a life close to Flat River. She imagined riding horses through open fields with her heart pounding in her chest as she raced alongside her dashing husband. She envisioned sharing whispered secrets by flickering firelight, laughter bubbling up like a hidden spring. A life filled with excitement, danger, and passion.

Just as quickly, reality came crashing back down. She was Esther Maria Billings, the preacher’s daughter, destined for a life of duty and servitude. Not one which included taunting wild dreams.

“Forgive me, Lord,” she murmured, tears welling in her eyes. “I know I shouldn’t want these things, but sometimes... sometimes it feels like there’s a part of me which is destined for something more. As if I don’t belong here.”

Esther wiped away her tears, frustration mounting within her. Why did her heart long for things contrary to what her family and community expected? How could she ever reconcile these desires with her commitment to the life she knew?

“Give me strength, Lord,” she pleaded, her voice cracking with emotion. “Help me bring these two parts of myself together. Help me understand why You’ve placed this yearning within me.”

She remained there, kneeling next to her father. She felt her heart ache, knowing regardless of the path she chose, a part of her would always be left behind. As she whispered one last prayer for guidance and clarity, a flicker of hope ignited within her.

“Guide me, Lord. Show me how to honor my family and remain true to myself. Help me find the path which leads to the life I am meant to live. Please, Lord,” she whispered, “make it possible.”

Her father’s powerful voice filled the air. “Amen.”

“Amen.” Esther rose from her knees, her eyes glistening with tears. She knew if it was God’s will, He would bring her dreams to life without forsaking her duty to her family and community. “Thank you, Papa,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I trust your judgment; and God will guide me to prepare for marriage.”

“Good girl,” he replied, his sharp eyes softening ever so slightly. “I know you will make us proud.”

Esther nodded and left her father’s study, praying she wouldn’t let anyone down.

Esther sat on her bed, the glow of a single candle flickering across the worn pages of her Bible. The quiet was a welcome relief from the weighty conversation she’d had with Papa earlier. An arranged marriage loomed before her like an insurmountable mountain, and she sought solace in the familiar words of Scripture.

She looked at the words on the page and realized she couldn’t remember where she was, so she closed the book and placed it back on the nightstand. Debating if she should read her penny novel, her fingers inched toward the edge of the mattress when a soft knock stopped her.

“Esther?” Her mother’s gentle voice carried through the heavy wood door.

“Come in, Mama,” Esther replied, hastily wiping away unbidden tears.

Margaret Billings entered the room, her eyes filled with concern. “Are you all right, dear?”

Esther nodded, trying to steady her voice. “Yes, Mama. I’m just... thinking about what Papa said today.”

“Change can be frightening, but God has a plan for each of us,” her mother reminded her, sitting down beside her on the narrow bed.

“Mama, sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I could choose my path,” Esther confessed, her heart pounding at her rare admission of her deepest desires. “I long for adventure and passion, something more than what is expected of me.”

“God has given us all gifts and desires, Esther,” Mama responded thoughtfully, the lines on her face deepening with wisdom. “But we must trust His plans are greater than our own.”

“Is it wrong to want more, Mama?”

“Wanting more is not inherently sinful, my dear.” Mama placed a loving hand on Esther’s shoulder. “But we must remember the importance of balancing our dreams with the responsibilities He has entrusted to us.”

Esther let out a shaky breath as she considered her mother’s words. She knew her duty was to her family and community, but it pained her to think her own desires might have to be buried beneath those obligations.

“Thank you, Mama,” she whispered. “I just... I hope whoever Papa finds for me will be someone I can love and respect, and someone who will share my devotion to God and help me grow in faith.”

“God hears your prayers, Esther,” Margaret assured her, brushing a stray lock of dark blonde hair from her daughter’s face. “Have faith He will guide you toward the life He has planned for you.”

Esther couldn’t hold the words in any longer. “I met someone in town, Mama,” she blurted out.

“Esther! Do we know him? Does he go to church?”

“I’ve not seen him at services, but it could be because he’s been so busy.”

“What does he do?”

Esther wrinkled her forehead. “I honestly don’t know. I see him sitting at the store drinking coffee. We’ve talked about books and the weather.”

“You shouldn’t have conversations with men in town, Esther.”

“Mama, there are plenty of people around.”

“What is this person’s name?”

“He goes by Whit.” She casually brought her finger to her mouth and started biting her nail. It was a nervous habit she’d had since she was a child. “I don’t know much more about him. He seems very smart and...”

Mama became silent for a moment. “Oh, Esther.”

“What, Mama?”

“You need to stay away from him. We’ve heard he spends time with the outlaw gang, which stays outside of town.”

Esther’s ears perked up. Outlaw? “He doesn’t appear to be an outlaw.”

“Looks can be deceiving. Just stay away from them. I mean him.” Mama stood and kissed Esther’s forehead. “I need to let your father know.”

Esther watched her leave and then leaned over the side of her bed to fetch the book from underneath the mattress. She felt her pulse quicken as she opened the worn pages of her penny novel. Outlaws! Here in Flat River! The thought sent a thrill of excitement and danger through her, even as she knew such men were not to be trifled with.

Whit, an outlaw? She thought back to their conversations, trying to recall any hint of disrepute. She had found him thoughtful even, not at all the brutish ruffian she would expect.

Perhaps her mother was mistaken. Whit seemed like a complex man, one who had known hardship and struggle. She knew she should heed her mother’s warning to stay away, but the thought of the handsome and intriguing man only heightened her curiosity.

This might be her only chance to talk to an outlaw, and she should seize it before any letters come from Reverend Dunn. She snapped her book closed and placed it under her pillow. She tried to sleep, but her mind was spinning with questions. Could Whit really be an outlaw? She thought back to their conversations at the general store. He had been polite, even charming, not at all matching the dangerous ruffians she imagined outlaws to be.

Yet, her mother’s warning rang in her ears. Esther knew she should avoid further contact with him, as propriety and her father’s wishes demanded. The allure of adventure called to her rebellious heart. What if she was meant to help redeem his troubled soul?

As she drifted off to sleep, Esther prayed for guidance and discernment. She knew God often worked in mysterious ways, calling people to walk unexpected paths. If He wanted her to reach out to Whit despite the risks, she prayed for the courage to follow His lead.