Page 35 of Reckless
I take a step back, and he comes inside. I don’t try to hide the limp as I walk back to the nest I’ve made on my couch and wrap myself in a blanket, not caring that it probably looks like I’m putting up shields. Maybe I am. I feel like I have to protect myself from whatever’s coming.
“Catherine told me you quit the movie,” I say when he settles into the seat across from me. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“I did. I thought Arthur was going to give himself a stroke,” Griffin admits, his expression still unreadable.
“I guess it’d be useless of me to try and convince you otherwise.”
He clears his throat. “Yeah, probably.” There’s a long pause, then he says, “I just came by because I wanted to let you know I asked Jackson to put up a guard here at your apartment to keep an eye on you until the bastard’s caught. They’ll be in the building across the street.”
“Why do you need Jackson to do it? Won’t you be here?” I sound pitiful. Like I’m begging. But I don’t care.
Griffin can’t meet my eyes. He feels bad because he’s telling me goodbye. I mean, I’m not an idiot. I’d be freaked out too if the girl I slept with nearly died in my arms.
“I think it’s probably best if we take some space away from each other. I’ve done nothing but put you in danger. You’ll be safer with real round the clock protection. People who can be objective and who can keep you safe.”
“You did keep me safe. I’m alive, aren’t I?”
He lifts his gaze to my bandages, studying my face like he can read the exhaustion there. “You call this safe?”
“This isn’t your fault. You can’t just run away now, after everything.” I grip the blankets around me like they’ll hold me together.
“I’m not running away.”
The anger that fills me surprises me. “I’ve run away plenty of times in my life, and that’s exactly what you’re doing. Was it sleeping with me that scared you off or me nearly getting killed? Do you regret being with me?” The questions come spilling out whether I want them to or not.
He shakes his head. “No, of course not.”
“Don’t lie. You can barely look me in the eye. If you regret being with me, you could just break it off like an adult. You don’t have to fuck up your whole career. Despite what happened, I can still be professional. We can work together if that’s what you’re worried about. Oswald likes you. You shouldn’t throw that away because of one night.”
“I don’t regret sleeping with you, but I don’t think it would be a good idea if we took this any further. My decision about Oswald has nothing to do with it.”
“Then what are you so afraid of?” I demand.
“I can’t be the man you deserve. I’ve got blood on my hands. You deserve someone who loves you as much as Paul loved you. You deserve the future he was going to give you. I can’t give you that. Don’t you see? Things go wrong when I’m around, and you’ll end up dead, just like Allison. You’re better off without me.”
The tears come hot and hard. My head pounds. I can barely think straight. “You think you’re this big risk-taker. You’re the biggest coward I’ve ever met. Don’t worry about putting a guard at my place. I think we both know no one can hurt me as much as you just did. I can take care of myself. I am no longer any of your concern. Just go if that’s what you want. Leave!” I shout when he doesn’t move an inch.
Fight for me, my ass. All his words were just that. Words.
When push comes to shove, he doesn’t fight for me.
He walks away.
I bury my face in my hands and wait for the sound of the door shutting behind him before I let the sobs come even harder. I knew it was coming, but it still hurts. Letting myself love him was the biggest risk I’d ever taken, and now he’s gone.
No.
I’m not going to let him get away so easily.
I can’t lose him, too.
If he can’t fight for me, then I’ll fight for him.
I remember him telling me about Allison. How everyone speculated Griffin was trying to kill them both in a fit of jealous rage. But Griffin, in all the time that I’ve known him, has only ever been protective and kind to me, if a little broken sometimes. He never would have knowingly put anyone in danger. Especially in a stunt. Himself, maybe, but never anyone else.
He would never put anyoneelsein danger. The thought sticks and begins to repeat.
Hewould never put anyone else in danger.