Page 12
JAGGER
T he meeting with my supervisor went better than I expected.
"Look, Jagger," Bill said, leaning back in his chair with the weary expression of a man who'd dealt with too many personnel issues over the years. "What you did was stupid and reckless. Could have put the entire program at risk if that client had decided to make a bigger stink about it."
I nodded, accepting the verbal lashing I deserved. "I understand that, sir."
"But," he continued, "you've been one of our best rangers. And frankly, good rangers are hard to come by. So here's what's going to happen."
He slid a packet across his desk. "Sexual harassment training. Workplace boundaries. Professional conduct. You're going to complete every module, pass every test, and then we're going to pretend this conversation never happened."
Relief flooded through me, though it was tempered by the knowledge that keeping my job didn't fix the real damage I'd caused with Delaney. "Thank you, sir. I won't let you down again."
"See that you don't. And Jagger? Next time you want to get involved with someone connected to a program you're running, maybe use your brain instead of what’s in your pants."
Point taken.
I spent the rest of the week throwing myself into work, trying to outrun the guilt and regret that followed me everywhere.
I completed the mandatory training modules, filed reports, inventoried equipment, and took on every extra shift available.
Anything to keep my mind off the fact that Delaney wouldn't answer my calls or texts.
It’s the end of the week, and I still haven’t heard a word from Delaney. Every time my phone rings, I think it might be her.
But this time, it’s my sister’s name on the screen.
"Hey, Maya."
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Her voice is sharp enough to cut glass. "Delaney? Really? My best friend?"
I close my eyes and lean against the supply closet wall. "Maya, let me explain."
"Don't bother. I've heard enough,” she spits back.
"We need to talk about this face to face,” I tell her.
But she's already hung up.
I make the drive in record time, my truck eating up the miles while I practice what I'm going to say. How do I explain years of wanting someone I couldn't have? How do I make my sister understand that this isn't some casual hookup or conquest?
Maya's apartment building is one of those modern complexes with too much glass and not enough character. I find her unit and knock, bracing myself for the confrontation.
She opens the door and it’s obvious she's been crying, which makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit alive.
"I told you not to come," she says, but she steps aside to let me in anyway.
Her apartment is bright and cozy, with plants everywhere and photos of her and Delaney covering every surface. The evidence of their friendship surrounds me, making my guilt even heavier.
"Talk," Maya says, crossing her arms. "You've got five minutes."
I take a deep breath and dive in. "I love her."
"Oh, please. You love all my friends. Remember Jessica from sophomore year? Or Sarah from my study group? You've had a thing for half the girls I know."
"That's not true." The accusation stings because there's a grain of truth in it. I did date Jessica. And I may have flirted with Sarah. But neither of them meant anything. "This is different. Delaney is different."
"Different how? Because she held out longer?"
"Because I've been in love with her since the day I met her. Not just attracted to her. Not interested in her. In love with her. For years."
Maya's expression wavers slightly, but her arms stay crossed. "If that's true, then why did you wait so long to act on it?"
"Because I'm an idiot." I run my hand along my beard. "Because I convinced myself that keeping my distance was the right thing to do, until I just couldn’t hold back anymore."
"Keeping your distance was the right thing to do,” she bites back.
"This is my fault," I admit. "All of it. I pushed for this when Delaney wanted to stay away. I convinced her to give us a chance when she knew it was a bad idea. She’s been torn up about this from the beginning. She didn’t want to break her promise to you.
She never wanted to hurt you, Maya. She loves you more than anything. "
Maya studies my face for a long moment. “Go on,” she says.
"Listen, I'll back off. Completely. If that's what makes Delaney happy, if that's what heals your friendship, then I'll disappear from her life." The words taste like ash on my tongue. "She deserves to have you in her corner, not to lose you because of my selfish bullshit."
"You'd do that? Just walk away?"
"If it's what Delaney needs? Yeah. I love her enough to let her go if that's what's best for her."
Maya is quiet for a long time, processing what I've said.
"She really tried to resist all of this? Resist you?"
"Even when we were together, even when she was happy, she was always thinking about you, Maya."
"And you? How do you really feel about her?"
"Like she's the other half of my soul. Like I'd rather cut off my own arm than see her hurt. Like I want to spend the rest of my life making her laugh and keeping her safe and proving that she's the most important thing in my world."
The honesty in my voice must reach her because Maya's expression softens completely.
"Shit," she says quietly. "You really do love her."
"More than I've ever loved anyone."
She's quiet again, staring at the photos on her coffee table. Pictures of her and Delaney at graduation, at various birthdays, on random adventures. Years of friendship documented in snapshot moments.
"I need to think about this," she says finally. "And I need to talk to her again. Because you're right about one thing, she doesn't deserve to lose me because she fell in love with an idiot."
I can't help but smile at that. "An idiot, huh?"
"The biggest idiot I know. But also my brother. And maybe... maybe I've been selfish too. Asking her to promise something that might not have been fair to ask."
Hope flickers in my chest, but I tamp it down. This isn't about me getting what I want. It's about Delaney getting her best friend back.
"Just be nice to her, okay?” I ask. “She's been through enough."
Maya nods. "I will."
"And whatever happens between Delaney and me, I don't want this to ruin things between us either. You're my sister. I love you."
"I love you too, you massive fuckup. Even when you make decisions that complicate everyone's lives."
I pull her into a hug, relief flooding through me as she hugs me back. It's not complete forgiveness, not yet, but it's hope.
And right now, hope is all I have.
Three days pass in agonizing silence. I give Delaney space, but it's torture. I want to drive to her place, bang on her door, and demand she let me fix this somehow.
Instead, I throw myself into work and wait for her to make the decision. I put the decision completely in her hands.
Tuesday night, I'm finishing up paperwork in the ranger station when I hear a car door slam outside. It's late, well past visiting hours, so I grab a flashlight and head out to investigate.
The sight that greets me makes my heart stop.
Delaney is standing beside her car, looking nervous and so fucking beautiful that I have to grip the doorframe to keep from rushing toward her.
"Hi," she says softly.
"Hi," I say, trying not to sound too eager.
"I worked things out with Maya. Whatever you said to her, it got through."
Relief floods through me. "She forgave you?"
"It took some long, honest conversations. But yes. Mostly." Delaney's eyes shine with unshed tears. "She knows I’m not using her to get to you. She knows this is real."
My phone rings, cutting through the moment. Maya's name on the screen makes me look at Delaney in confusion.
“Speak of the devil. It’s my sister.”
"Answer it," she says with a small smile.
I accept the call, putting it on speaker. "Maya?"
"I told Delaney that I owe you both an apology."
"You don't owe me anything," I say.
"Yes, I do. I was protecting myself, but I didn't consider that it might prevent you and Delaney from being happy."
I look at Delaney, who's now wiping tears from her eyes.
"The truth is," Maya continues, "I can't think of anyone I'd rather have as a sister-in-law."
Sister-in-law. It’s exactly what I've wanted since the day I met Delaney. I know it sounds crazy, but I would have married her that first day if I'd had the chance. I've never been able to picture my life with anyone else.
"Maya… thank you," Delaney says, fighting back tears.
"Don't thank me yet. I fully expect to be maid of honor when you two finally get your act together. And I can't wait to be the cool aunt who spoils your kids rotten."
I can't help but grin, seeing my future with perfect clarity.
I see Delaney in a white dress, Maya crying happy tears as she stands beside her.
Kids with Delaney's eyes and a stubborn streak.
Sunday dinners where Maya spoils them with candy and stories about how their parents were idiots who took forever to admit they belonged together.
"I'll let you two talk," Maya adds. "Have fun kids."
The line goes dead, leaving us alone in the soft glow of the ranger station’s lights.
"So," I say, not quite daring to believe this is real. "What does this mean for us?"
Delaney steps closer, close enough that I can see the hope and love shining in her eyes.
"It means I love you," she says. "It means I want to be with you, whatever that looks like. It means I'm tired of running from the best thing that's ever happened to me."
I don't trust myself to speak. Instead, I close the distance between us and frame her face with my hands, staring into her eyes like I'm trying to stamp this moment.
"I love you, kitten," I tell her. "I love you more than I thought it was possible to love another person. You've been carved into my bones since the moment I saw you in that dorm room.”
When I kiss her, it's taking back every piece of myself I lost when she walked away. She surrenders against me, her arms wrapping around my neck, and for the first time since this whole clusterfuck started, the world makes sense again.
When we finally break apart, we're both breathing hard.
"So what now?" she asks.
"Now we figure it out. Together." I brush a tear from her cheek with my thumb. "No more running. No more pretending. Just us."
"Just us," she agrees, smiling through her tears.
And as I hold her, surrounded by the forest that finally brought us together, I know we're going to be okay. Better than okay.
We're going to be everything.
THE END.