Page 27

TWENTY-TWO

The creek bubbled and swirled around the rocks. Ellie crouched on the bank, under the shelter of the oak trees, her breath coming in shaky gasps. The torrent of tears had left her eyes puffy and her nose congested. A headache pounded at her temples. Inside, she was hollow. Numb.

Her baby was gone. And it was all her fault.

Why, God? Why?

Her faith had seen her through dark times.

During undercover work within the Iron Fist’s circle, after being shot, in starting her new life in Silver Creek, and while nursing Owen back to health.

Even during these threats on her life and last night in the hospital, Ellie had leaned on God, knowing that He would see her through.

But now, she felt abandoned by her Heavenly Father.

Cast into a darkness she wasn’t sure she’d be able to surface from.

Her arms ached for Owen, and all she had was the plastic turtle. His favorite bath toy. He would cry for it and be confused about why strangers were caring for him. And that sent a new wave of tears tumbling over her swollen cheeks. She’d failed him. Utterly and completely.

Ellie had known there was a risk in withholding her name from the court, and from Child Protective Services, but she’d been under orders.

She’d followed those instructions to protect herself and Owen.

Now that mistake had cost her dearly. She would try to argue her case with the judge, but Ellie wasn’t a fool.

Lying on official documents… misleading the court…

she’d perjured herself under oath. She’d be lucky if the judge didn’t arrest her right there in the courtroom, let alone grant her custody of Owen again.

A set of strong arms came around her and then she was shifted against Daniel’s broad chest. He cradled her close, one hand cupping the back of her head as her tears soaked his shirt.

He let her sob until she was spent again.

Wrung out. The babble of the creek mixed with birdsong and the steady thump of his heart under her ear.

Ellie wanted to push him away. She didn’t deserve the comfort, didn’t want it, but her body was spent after a long night in the hospital and the emotional turmoil of losing Owen. There was no strength left in her.

Daniel’s mouth brushed against the top of her head. “You didn’t fail him, El.” His voice was rough with emotion. “You’ve been the best mother that little boy could ask for.”

At another time, it might’ve struck her as strange that he was able to read her thoughts, but in this moment, all she could think about was how wrong he was.

She started to shake her head, but his fingers threaded through her hair and gently massaged the back of her neck.

“No, El. This isn’t your fault.” He grew quiet for a moment, a sigh escaping him.

“I know what it feels like to lose a child. To blame yourself for something that was out of your control.”

His words shocked her. Ellie drew back until she could look him in the face. And what she saw there was pain and grief. A mirror of her own feelings.

“My ex-wife and I… we lost a baby. Miscarriage at five months. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.

And I know it doesn’t compare to your pain…

” He wiped away a stray tear lingering on her chin.

“Sweetheart, I’d walk over hot coals to take this away from you if I could, but I can’t.

What I can do is be down in the darkness with you, holding you up, letting you know that you aren’t alone.

It’s what I wish someone had done for me. ”

“You…” Her voice was sandpaper rough from all her crying. “You went through that alone?”

“My family tried, but…” He shrugged. “My dad and I weren’t on good terms at the time and things were strained.

My ex-wife was relieved when we lost the baby.

Our marriage had been on the rocks even before she got pregnant.

In hindsight, I can see we were very different people, but I took my vows seriously and thought we could work things out.

If we fought hard enough, if we loved each other enough… things would be okay.”

He swallowed hard, his attention drifting away from her to the creek. “Shortly after the miscarriage, she started having an affair with her tennis coach and left me.”

Ellie inhaled sharply. Her own pain was momentarily forgotten as her heart bled for Daniel. “That’s… I can’t imagine how that must’ve felt.”

“Awful. It felt awful.” He let out a shaky breath.

“We divorced over ten years ago, and I’ve avoided dating since, convinced that it was my mistakes that led to the breakdown of our marriage.

I worked too much. I’m not good with my emotions and avoid difficult conversations.

The grief over losing our baby… it compounded everything.

She was so relieved that it happened, I couldn’t share my sadness.

We weren’t in the same library, let alone reading the same book. ”

Loneliness bled into his voice. It hurt to think of Daniel blaming himself for the downfall of his marriage and grieving the loss of a child he’d so clearly wanted.

“I convinced myself that was it for me,” he continued. “That I'd spend the rest of my life alone, and maybe that was for the best. Then you showed up with Owen and everything I thought I knew about myself… about what I was capable of feeling… it all changed. Still, I fought against it.”

She’d known that. She placed a hand on his chest. “Why?”

“Because I’d failed once before, and I was certain that I’d never be the kind of man that you and Owen need.

I’m flawed, El. Deeply flawed. I will probably always work more than I should.

It takes a long time for me to sort out my emotions, and even when I do, it’s difficult to find the words to explain them.

I’m quiet. A homebody who prefers a walk next to the creek rather than a wild night on the town.

And then there’s the age gap. I’m nearly fifteen older than you, sweetheart. ”

He gently smoothed a strand of hair off her forehead.

“I could make a long list of all the reasons I’m wrong for you.

Believe me, I’ve been over and over them a thousand times.

But it hasn’t made a lick of difference.

” His fingers trailed along her cheek, his gaze meeting hers once again. “I’m in love with you, El.”

Her heart stuttered and her mouth opened, but no words could squeeze past the giant lump in her throat.

Just when she thought she was all dried out, fresh tears swelled in her eyes.

She drew in a shaky breath. “You can take your list and throw it into this creek, because I see you for exactly the man you are. Strong and capable, kind and loving. Someone who loves his family deeply and cares about his community. The kind of man who gets a phone call from his mother and drops everything to help a stranger because she asked him to.”

Daniel inhaled and his hand trembled against her chin.

She reached up to take it. “You walked straight into danger, protected Owen and me, because that’s who you are.

I see you, Daniel. The good and the bad, and believe me, the good far outweighs any of your faults.

” She stared into his brown eyes and knew without a doubt that every feeling she had for him was real.

Ellie had wanted it to be pretend. Had been terrified to say the words out loud, or even admit them to herself, but she couldn’t do that anymore. “I love you too.”

Relief and wonder flooded his expression.

Then Daniel framed her face with both hands and kissed her.

His mouth was warm against hers, a balm to the hurricane of emotion inside her.

Stillness followed. Ellie’s world narrowed to the man holding her so tenderly, loving her so completely.

This moment between them was different, this kiss unlike any they’d shared before. It was full of promise.

When they finally broke apart, Daniel rested his forehead against hers, both of them breathing hard. "Fight with me, El," he whispered, his voice raw. "I know you're hurting. I know this feels impossible. But I need you to fight with me.”

She pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling.

She wasn’t alone in this, and whatever happened next, whatever trials she faced, Daniel would be at her side.

It gave her strength and courage. Ellie leaned back to look him in the face and nodded.

“I’ll fight. For us. And for Owen. Whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes, I’ll keep fighting. ”

Daniel’s expression warmed, like the sun coming out from behind a storm cloud. He kissed her again, a quick brush of his lips against hers. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Ellie wanted to linger in the moment, to relish in the momentary joy she’d found, but things wouldn’t be right until she had Owen back in her arms. So she dusted the grass off her hands, picked up Owen’s bath toy, and rose.

Now that her head was clear and her emotions back under control, a fresh sense of urgency took hold.

Owen had been moved to a new foster home, and although measures had been taken to keep him safe, she was well aware of the Iron Fist’s reach.

“We have to figure out what Lena’s message means. ”

Daniel used the oak tree to pull himself to his full height. “Agreed.” He grabbed her hand and held her in place. “But first, we pray. For Owen. And for us.”

Ellie’s jaw clenched tight. At the moment, she was too angry with God to speak to Him.

As if he’d read her mind again, Daniel squeezed her hand.

“Don’t shy away from prayer just because you’re mad.

God can handle it. Believe me, I’ve had a lot of angry conversations with Him.

The important thing is to keep trying, keep reaching out.

He hears you, El, even if it feels like sometimes He’s not listening. ”

She hesitated and then nodded. Taking Daniel’s other hand, she bowed her head. “God, we come to You with heavy hearts and painful anger…”