Page 18 of Ramshackle (Raegan of Ruin #3)

Chapter eighteen

Raegan

“Why are you in her bed? You were supposed to keep an eye on her overnight. It was your shift.”

“I did. No one’s going to touch her if I’m wrapped around her,” Kellan drawls groggily and yawns.

There’s a long pause, and I’m tempted to crack an eye open to witness whatever expression is on Aiden’s face, but decide against it. I doubt I’ll be able to read it anyway, and my eyelids are heavy with sleep.

“Get up. It’s already past noon and you’re still in bed,” he demands, switching tactics.

“I’m just continuing my shift. She and Jack are still sleeping, so I may as well, too.” Kellan curls around my back. I can feel his grin spread against my head. “Don’t be jealous.”

“Why would I be jealous? You’ve wasted half of your day in bed.”

“Jealous that she would let me, no, invite me into her bed.”

Aiden’s voice softens to a deadly croon. “Don’t mistake your wants with mine.”

My chest tightens. I don’t know why I thought him holding me yesterday meant anything.

I should know better by now than to believe I mean anything like that to Aiden.

Even if it did mean something, it doesn’t change what he did to me. That he locked me up, threatened me, told me repeatedly that he doesn’t trust me while demanding personal information in return.

Kellan snorts, then nuzzles into my hair. My heart somehow aches and burns simultaneously.

“Out. Now.”

“Why are you up?” Kellan grumbles. “Cassandra healed you yesterday, too. Shouldn’t you be sleeping like them?”

“I don’t have time for that. Now that we’re making room for more gifted, I need to stay on top of the progress to make sure it doesn’t fall behind schedule. There’s also the upcoming Guild event to prepare for, adding more safety precautions for job requests which are still coming in, handling food orders, and obtaining more medical supplies for the additional people—”

“Alright, I got it. Geez. You’re making me tired just listening to all of that. Did you even sleep last night?” Silence. Kellan sighs heavily. “Go get some sleep, Aiden. I’m getting up. What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to get back to your training.”

Kellan rolls away from me. “I’m not sure how that helps you to sleep, but who am I to question what you want,” he teases with a chuckle.

The door clicks shut, and I’m once again surrounded by Kellan’s warmth.

“Time to get up, beautiful,” he murmurs. “I know you’re awake.”

Oops. Caught me.

I turn on my back with my arms raised over my head, stretching from my arms down to my toes. Kellan straddles me on all fours while I’m occupied, burying his face in my neck. “I know exactly what I’m having for breakfast,” he rumbles, and the sound vibrates from my skin to between my thighs.

“Nngh,” I groan, finishing my stretch and shivering from the kisses he’s peppering me with. “Kell, no. Ahh—” A moan slips out unbidden. “Stop!” I smack his side, but it’s like hitting a wall. “Jackson could wake up.”

My shadow is sleeping on the air mattress in the corner, but I have no idea how long he’ll stay that way. I didn’t have much to heal, but both he and Aiden had a significant number of injuries that Cassandra fixed before prescribing them sleep.

“And?”

“ And we’re not doing this again while he’s asleep in the room.”

“Then, go wake him up. He can finish sleeping in the other room, or he can join us.”

My hands push at his chest. “Join us?! You’d…do that?”

Kellan grips my wrists in one hand and pins them above me. “Don’t get me wrong, beautiful. I’ll pummel the life out of any other man who dares touch you. I told you you’re mine, and I meant it.” His free hand seeks down my front, his rough, calloused hand slipping beneath my shirt and grasping my waist.

“But I’m not blind, and I know how you feel about the others. I know I’d lose you if I forced you to choose me. So, I won’t. Whether the others agree or not is on them. But don’t worry or stress over trying to hide what you do with the others around me. Sharing you with them is the price I’m willing to pay for not protecting you when you needed it most.”

When I needed it most? “Kellan, what—”

He cuts me off with his lips on mine, his tongue sinking in deep as he claims my mouth in hot demand. I wriggle in his grip, desperate to touch him, but he doesn’t let go. His kiss melts me down to my core, filling my limbs with warm molasses until I’m putty beneath him. It’s long and slow, like he’s taking his time to devour me.

Kellan chuckles when he withdraws, and my body instinctively chases after him. “Now, now, beautiful. What were you saying about not doing this again while Jack’s sleeping?”

I groan. Prick.

His grin sharpens as if he can read my mind. “Dress in something comfortable. You’re coming with me for training.”

My face falls while his back is turned to gather clothes from his bag. I try not to let the thought of training trigger memories with Gordon.

It’s just Kellan. I’ll be fine .

After a light breakfast, Kellan leads me through the bunker to a set of double doors. He doesn’t hesitate—why would he?—and shoves them both open to waltz inside.

Me? I falter at the threshold.

The training room is eerily similar to the one on the island.

“…you’re going to prove to me that you can follow orders…”

It’s a massive space with solid black walls and a lacquered wood floor.

“…kill the three of them simply because I am telling you to…”

A pile of mats is stacked against a wall with other training equipment lined up beside it.

I can picture the three chairs in the center of the room as clearly as I had that day. The three people I killed at his command. For Mallory. For…nothing.

My knee throbs at the memory, and I clutch the doorframe.

“What’s wrong?” Kellan asks from the center of the room, breaking me from my thoughts. He’s partially turned, like he stopped walking when he realized I was no longer behind him. His dark brows furrow the longer he looks at me.

I push off the doorframe and tuck my hands behind me so he won’t see them shaking. “Nothing. I…I think I’m still a bit wiped from yesterday. Do you mind if I head back?”

He jogs to me. “I’ll walk you back.”

I nudge him playfully, hoping to ease his worry enough that he’ll let me go. “We just got here and I don’t want to hold up your training. I’ll be fine getting back to my room. I’m a big girl.”

Kellan frowns, but he must see something in my expression that begs him not to follow, because he relents with a sigh. “Alright, get some rest. I’ll come check on you in a bit.”

“Sounds good,” I agree with a small smile.

Before he can change his mind, I spin away and make a beeline for the elevator. My steps waver at the sight of Aiden striding toward me.

I keep my gaze on the elevator, hoping he’ll pass me to get to Kellan, but he grabs my arm and stops me in my tracks. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” I evade, looking away from him. He’s the last person I want to talk to about what’s going on in my head. “I’m just going back to my room to rest.”

There’s a stretch of silence before he states firmly, “You’re lying.”

I yank my arm from him. “Are we really doing this again? I thought I made it clear last time; I’m not sharing just because you want me to.”

“I know. If you’re not willing to tell me, then…I’ll let it go.”

“I’m not telling—Wait. What did you say?”

“I asked out of concern, but if you don’t want to tell me what happened in your past, then I won’t push you. Not anymore.”

Who is this and what did he do with Aiden?

I stare at him incredulously. There’s no way he’s just…dropping it. Unless… did what I say make a difference? We haven’t really had this sort of confrontation since then.

No, there’s no way…

“I don’t believe you,” I argue softly. “You must have found another angle to get what you want. Because I can’t believe that you suddenly decided you don’t want to know anymore.”

“I never said I stopped wanting to know everything,” he replies smoothly. “Just that I’ll stop trying to force it from you. I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell me.”

“And if I’m never ready?”

His lips flatten, clearly not pleased with that possible future. “Then I’ll accept it,” he manages slowly.

That’s hard to believe.

But it’s not something I feel like arguing over now. I don’t want to keep talking about…whatever this is. I want distance from that room. I want a distraction.

“We’ll see,” I tell him and walk away.

Aiden follows. “You’ll get lost if you go alone. I’ll escort you.”

And give him the opportunity to try and sneak information I don’t want to share out of me?

No, thanks.

“I’m good. I paid attention on the way down, so I can make it back without a babysitter.”

I push the button to go up, and the elevator doors open instantly. I step inside, spinning and hitting the doors close button while standing in the way of Aiden trying to join me. He could get past me if he pushed by, but he just stands in front of me as the doors begin to close between us.

We stare at one another in silence until the doors shut and the elevator ascends.

I close my eyes and angle my head back, taking a calming breath to settle my frazzled nerves from the last fifteen minutes.

And then the elevator jerks to a halt.

My eyes fly open. I’m already running through the possibilities of what’s happening. The lights are still on, so it’s not a power outage. Are we under attack? Did Aiden stop the elevator?

“You should clear any room you enter before lowering your guard,” a husky voice murmurs into my neck.

I’m pretty sure my heart skyrockets to the ceiling and thuds back into my chest in that half-second moment I realize I’m not alone in the elevator.

“Holy fuck, Jackson!” I gasp, clutching at my chest and whirling around.

He steps into my space, and the adrenaline rush I’m still riding out of surprise has me backing up. He doesn’t stop, though, and I wind up hitting the wall.

“What are you doing here?” I ask breathlessly.

Jackson leans his forearm on the wall above me. His hand slides up my front to wrap around the side of my neck. “I was looking for you.”

“No, I mean…hanging out in the elevator.”

He smirks. “I came with Aiden. It looked like you were heading here anyway, so I waited.”

He could have said something when I walked in. I was under the impression we were safe here. But the challenge in his gaze tells me that shouldn’t matter.

Right.

Jack pushes his hood back, revealing his messy black hair. He lowers to one knee and bends his face over my forearm, pressing his full lips to the memento vivere tattoo.

My heart skips a beat. He looks like a dark prince swearing his allegiance. Only, he’s a prince who stalks me and kills people with a smile.

“Jack?”

“I’m sorry, little one. I failed you.” His voice gravels. “I let my pride shadow the reality of what we’re up against. I put you in danger.”

“Hey, none of that is your fault. You wanted to send me home. I was the one who pushed you to bring me along.”

“If I had stayed awake—”

“What?! No. You can’t blame yourself for passing out after that fight with Thorne. Stand up.” He does it without hesitation. My eyes follow his as he rises, and I reach out to trace his face. Sometimes, he seems so untouchable. It’s moments like these where I need to feel him to remind myself that my shadow is real.

“You’re human. I’m just relieved that you’re okay.”

His smirk returns. “Then I’ll shed the trappings of humanity to become the monster you deserve.”

My breath catches in my throat.

“Now it’s your turn, little one.” He takes my hand from his face and crowds over me. “Tell your monster you’re sorry.”

“Sorry?” I repeat, confused.

“You ordered me not to do anything sacrificial, and that’s exactly what you did.”

Ah, right. Why did I think he had let me off the hook when he hadn’t mentioned it earlier? But now that I’m reminded of it, I technically never said I couldn’t do anything like that. “I never promised—”

His thumb strokes across my lips to stop me, and he chuckles. “That request applies both ways. But I’ll let your punishment slide. This time. An apology will do.”

“Punishment?!”

He hums. His blue eyes are locked on mine, staring deep into my soul while he waits for me to give him what he wants. Can I apologize for doing what I thought was the only way to save them? I’d do it again if it would guarantee their safety.

“Jack, I’m sorry, but—”

He kisses me before I can finish.

His kiss is demanding, revealing more about his current temperament than the cool demeanor he portrays on the outside. I’m forced to bend to his will as he directs the kiss with a mixture of passion and fury. I don’t try to fight him. It’s a glimpse into Jack’s mind that no one else sees, and as the cause of the anger and pain there, I know I should bear it all.

I sink my fingers into his longer locks at the top of his head, sliding them between my fingers and then latching on tight. Jack makes a noise in the back of his throat in response, and my core throbs. Fuck, it’s a heady feeling to be able to make him react. To know that I’m the only one who can draw this side of him out.

He’s mine.

My monster. My shadow in the night.

He’s proven to me the lengths he’s willing to go. And what have I ever done for him? How have I earned that loyalty? Or his devotion?

I push him back, and he lets me, so our lips smack apart. “Jack,” I exhale in a rush. “I’m sorry. Let me try and make it up to you.” He’s still leaning over me, his hands braced against the wall on either side as he catches his breath. I start working on his pants, getting them undone before he circles my wrist to stop me.

“That’s not what I meant—”

“I know. I want this.” The very idea of Jackson, this untouchable god of death, falling apart for me makes my mouth water, and I wonder why I hadn’t done this sooner.

I know the reason…I thought Gordon had ruined this for me a long time ago. I’d taken control over my body and sex a long time ago, but I’d never pushed through this act. I never wanted to do it again after my past.

But now, it’s different. I want to do this.

Jackson’s cold, hard eyes search mine.

I sink to my knees at his nod, but instead of the hard floor of the elevator, they’re greeted by a cushion of air. Jack pulls weapons from his pants, tossing them behind us in a symphony of clinks and clangs that I’d probably laugh at if the mood was different. Instead, our eyes are locked on each other, and the world grows quiet.

There is nothing and no one outside of us in this moment.

Once he’s done, I drag his pants and boxers down. His cock springs free before me, and I swallow at the sight of it. I line my face up with it, then pause and crane my neck back to look at him.

Jack’s watching me as he always does.

Waiting. Reading my every move and expression as if my body can be interpreted in a language made just for him.

Nerves jitter beneath my skin. I’m sure he can sense how important this is to me. I’ve never willingly taken this step with another before.

But he’s not Aiden. Even if he sees something, he won’t push me for answers. And that certainty is what allows me to continue before I can psyche myself out of it.

I wrap my hand around the base of him and poise my lips at his crown. Jackson gently strokes my hair behind my ear, sending a rush of warmth through me. His touch is so real and comforting; it’s like he lights me up from the inside until I’m glowing from his affection, and it makes me stronger. Braver.

My tongue flicks out before I can overthink anything. I lick from base to tip along the underside of his shaft. Jackson’s fist pounds against the wall. The heated intensity of his dark blue eyes while staring at me gives me another thrill.

I open my mouth and take him inside. My tongue dances around him, making sure his length is good and wet before my lips slide further down.

Jackson groans long and low. My core aches at the sound, but I consciously ignore it. This is about him right now, and I’m going to enjoy every second of trying to make him fall apart like he does to me.

His sound of pleasure is all the encouragement I need to continue.

I take my time with him, moving forward and back in measured strokes as my tongue teases him in slow circles. I’m not here to rush this. I want to learn every inch of him. Test every spot, every pressure, every movement that pulls a reaction from him that even he can’t contain.

Jack’s hand curls into my hair, wrapping it around his fist.

My mouth falters, but when he doesn’t try to take control, my confidence returns, and I continue.

He’s breathing heavily above me, and I can feel the quiver of his muscles as he holds himself back.

I pick up my pace, gripping him tighter at the base as my head bobs, and I hum my own excitement.

Jackson hisses, and his hold on my hair tightens. “Yes, little one. Just like that,” he praises huskily. “You’re doing so well.”

My internal glow brightens at his words, and I work faster at the opportunity to gain more of his approval. I think he’s realized I apparently respond well to encouragement, so he continues, “Mm…yes. Keep going. Harder. Yes. You’re so perfect.”

I’m working him in a frenzy now, eager to please him and do anything he asks. My tongue swirls around his head before I sink his shaft as far in as I can, taking him until he hits the back of my throat, and I have to consciously breathe through my nose to avoid the gagging reflex. Every time it hits there, it draws another moan, another sharp inhale, another reaction from Jack that drives me to do it again and again.

My clit pulses with need, and I’m tempted to touch myself, but I busy my free hand on his balls instead. It almost doesn’t matter, though. It feels as if I’ll detonate without any touch the more I hear his voice, thick and heavy with lust, as he rains praise down on me, and it soaks deep into my skin.

“I’m going to come,” he warns me, and I take him deeper. Jackson breathes in sharply. His dick pulses as it spurts ropes of cum against the back of my throat, and I swallow it down. I suck him clean when he’s done, and Jackson’s body shivers in response.

He grabs me by the nape pulls me upright, crushing me in a kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck as I lean back into the wall, dragging him down against me. I haven’t even gotten myself off, and my body feels hot and languid.

Jackson draws back, but his breath is still scorching over my lips when his gaze sticks to mine. “I would bring the world to its knees before you. Burn your enemies to ash beneath your feet.”

I’m dizzy with pleasure. Faint with breathlessness. His words make my heart beat faster, and the limited air in this elevator thins to dangerous levels. I don’t question him or brush his words off as an exaggeration. I know he means every bit of it.

“So, tell me. What do you want most, and you’ll have it.”

What do I want most?

I draw in a long breath, using whatever oxygen I get to soothe my racing heart and bring my wits back. “I want Gifted Enterprise destroyed to nothing. So not a single piece of it is left for anyone to try and run it again.”

Jack nods. He fixes his pants and then turns to leave, as if he’s ready to take off just like that to fulfill my request without hesitation. I grab his arm, and he looks back over his shoulder at me.

“I’m not finished.” He turns around, fixing me with his undivided attention that I’ve come to love and crave. “I want Gordon on his knees, begging me for mercy while he gets what he deserves for everything he’s done. But, most of all, I want the five of us to stick together. No more solo missions. And I want all of us to make it through this.”

I’m asking for a lot, but I don’t care. He asked me what I want, and so I told him. I don’t want him trying to take down GE on his own and getting killed for it. I want us to work together to take them down. And I want all of us to survive this. I didn’t think I would before, but I’d been on my own then. I didn’t trust that they would have my back.

Now, I know that we need each other. Not one of us can do this alone without the others. And I need to know that Jack won’t run off to try to do this on his own again, just like I’ve made my own promise not to do the same.

Jackson doesn’t argue with me or try to tell me that it’s highly unlikely for me to get everything I’m asking for. He doesn’t try to hit me with probabilities or what’s realistic. He takes in every word, every feeling behind my wishes, and he holds on to them like something precious. He closes the distance between us, his hand finding my face before he sweeps me up in another kiss.

When it ends, his forehead presses to mine and he breathes, “As you wish.”