Page 40 of Quiet Rage (Wicked Falls Elite #5)

Tamson

It’s been two months since I almost died. Eight weeks since we packed up everything and started over in a different city. Fifty-six days since Kellen kissed me goodbye in the hospital.

I haven't seen him or heard his voice since then. When we got home after the doctor released me, we found a set of keys, a note with an address, and ten thousand dollars in cash waiting for us. We left that same day, and we didn’t look back.

The only two times Kellen reached out to me was via text.

Once to tell me that he enrolled me in classes at the local college, the other to inform me that he had scheduled weekly appointments for me with a psychiatrist. I didn’t respond to either text, but I’m going to the classes and to therapy like he asked.

My therapist, Dr. Manning, has helped me work through some of my trauma, and prescribed me an antidepressant I’m taking daily. I think the medicine helps the most.

My parents have adjusted well, making the most out of this fresh start. Dad found a new job as a sales manager and mom has taken up gardening, turning our small backyard into a peaceful sanctuary.

Logically I should be happy, or at least content about my new life. I’m no longer in danger, my parents are safe, and we don’t have to worry about money anymore. Everything is falling into place, yet I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing.

I try to force myself to believe it’s the absence of my brother that causes the hollow feeling inside my chest, because the alternative is unthinkable.

I can’t miss him .

I huff out a frustrated breath. I shouldn’t be thinking about Kellen at all, but I do. All the time. It’s hard not to after everything that happened between us or the fact that I wouldn’t be here without him. He caused me so much pain, but he also saved my life, in more ways than one.

Then there is knowing that Kellen literally killed someone for me. He risked his own life, his freedom to make sure Dante wouldn’t be able to hurt me.

Shoving those memories away, I reach for my coffee. My fingers wrap around the warm paper cup, and I bring it to my lips, taking a big sip of the vanilla latte. I look around the small campus coffee shop, realizing it’s gotten pretty empty since I sat down.

Glancing down at the corner of my laptop screen, I see it’s already after five p.m. I don’t even know how long I’ve been here, but I do know I’m going to regret drinking two large coffees this late when it’s time to go to sleep.

I’m about to pack up my laptop and get up when my attention is drawn to the front door.

One of the guys from my English class has just walked in.

I think his name is Jaxon, and I’m pretty sure he is on the football team.

He looks over to where I sit and spots me right away.

A smile spreads across his face, and his hand raises in a small wave.

Smiling back at him, I return the wave. I expected that to be the end of our interaction, but he must have taken it as an invitation, because the next thing I know he is heading straight for me.

Nervous energy fills my gut as he approaches. He doesn’t look threatening; he has more of a boy next door vibe, with shaggy blond hair and kind blue eyes. Nevertheless, having his attention on me is nerve-racking. I don’t have time to dwell on those feelings.

He makes it to my table, confidently taking the chair across from mine.

“Tamson, right?”

“Yes, that’s me,” I say awkwardly.

“I like that name. It’s not one you hear often.” He points at my coffee cup. “What are you drinking?”

“Vanilla latte.”

“Can I buy you another one?” He asks with a boyish grin.

“I think I already drank too much caffeine, but thank you for offering.”

He looks disappointed at my rejection but quickly recovers and goes in for another try. “How about dinner? There is a really good pizza place not far from here.”

I take a second to consider his offer. He seems like a really nice guy, and he is very cute. He could be the kind of boyfriend I always dreamed of having. I should give him a chance and go on at least one date with him.

The only problem is that when I think about having dinner with someone it just feels so…wrong. It feels like doing something I’m not supposed to.

“Jaxon…” His eyes light up as I say his name. He looks at me hopefully, and I feel bad for turning him down, but I have to. “I’m sorry, I can’t date right now.”

Jaxon frowns, clearly disappointed in my answer. “Let me guess, you just got out of a bad relationship?”

“You could say that.” I give him a half-hearted smile, hoping he is not mad at me or offended.

“It’s okay, I get it,” Jaxon tells me. “But if you ever change your mind, you come and find me.”

“She won’t change her mind,” Kellen’s angry voice booms into the space before his large hand grabs hold of Jaxon’s shoulder. “Move,” he growls as he pulls the poor guy from his seat.

There is a flicker of anger in Jaxon’s eyes, and for a moment I think he is going to fight Kellen, but then he takes a good look at what he would be facing and decides not to engage.

Jaxon scrambles to his feet, holding up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, I’m leaving.” He doesn’t even look at me again. He simply spins around and heads out of the coffee shop.

My eyes land on Kellen just as he sits down across from me. It takes me another second to comprehend that he is here. He is really here. At my campus, in this coffee shop, sitting at my table.

“Hello, dragonfly,” he greets me with a soft smile.

“Hi,” is all I can come up with.

“You look good.”

“You look…” I take in his appearance. There are dark circles under his eyes, his face looks a little leaner, like he has lost some weight, and his hair is a little longer than usual, as if he missed his last haircut. “You look stressed.”

“Yeah, I don’t doubt that.” It’s not much of an explanation, but I don’t ask about it. I have more important questions on my mind.

“What are you doing here, and how did you even find me?”

Kellen smirks and shrugs his shoulders.

“Have you been watching me?”

“I have been keeping an eye on you, yes,” he admits shamelessly.

I don’t know how to feel about that. Logically, I should be freaking out, maybe be angry at him, but instead I’m just confused.

“So you have been stalking me?” I ask, wondering how often he has been around without me knowing.

“If that’s what you want to call it.”

“Is that why you look so tired?”

“I have a lot going on right now,” he explains. “My father is dead.”

“Oh…I’m sorry,” I say because that’s the first thing that comes to my mind. I didn’t like the guy, but he was still Kellen’s dad.

“Don’t be. I’m certainly not,” he says in a cold voice, and immediately I know—Kellen killed his own father.

I stare at him, dumbfounded, as what he told me sinks in. Kellen’s father is dead. He’s gone, and we’re safe.

“He confessed to murdering my mother,” Kellen adds after a while.

“Oh my god.” I didn’t think I could hate the man even more, but now I do.

“I took over my father’s business,” Kellen explains. “Some of the men were only loyal to him and didn’t take the change in leadership well. I’ve been dealing with that for the last few weeks. That’s why I look…and…feel like shit.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with all of that,” I say honestly, wishing I could help somehow.

“It’s okay. It won’t be like this forever.” He gives me a small smile. “Things are changing for the better. I’m excited about the future.”

“Yeah? What do you think the future looks like for you?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“I can definitely see you in it,” Kellen replies, catching me off guard. “You can come back to Wicked Falls.”

I shake my head before he finishes the sentence. “No. I can’t. There are too many bad memories.”

“Everything will be different now. My dad is gone, and there is no one controlling me anymore,” he says, like that would fix the past. “I want you to come back. I miss you.”

His confession raises some twisted feelings inside of me. “I thought we agreed to no more pretending.”

“It wouldn’t be. It will be real this time.” Kellen leans forward, looking deep into my eyes when he speaks his next words. “Tamson, I want to be with you because I’m in love with you.”

All the air leaves my lungs at once as I stare at him in disbelief. “You can’t mean that.”

“I do,” he insists. “I know I’ve done terrible things to you, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but you have to believe me. I love you, and I will never, ever do anything again to hurt you. I swear I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy and safe.”

My heart aches, and my eyes tear up. He just promised me everything I yearn for. Happiness, safety, and love. This is all I ever wanted, but how can I accept those things with him? I can’t. No matter how much I want to.

“Kellen…I don’t think I can love you back.”

“I know, and that’s okay, because I love you enough for both of us.”

A single tear rolls down my cheek as I suck in a shuddering breath. There is a part of me that wants to give in so badly, to forgive him and let go of the past, but there is an even bigger part that’s still scared.

Terrified, actually.

“I don’t know what to say,” I finally answer.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know you are not ready yet. I’m going to give you some more time,” he offers. “But no more talking to other guys.”

I smile tugs on my lip. “I turned him down,” I remind him.

“Lucky for him,” Kellen says under his breath. “Why did you turn him down?”

I shrug. “It just didn’t feel right.”

“Good, because it shouldn’t,” he snaps. “I can deal with giving you space, but I can’t deal with that .”

I kind of want to tell him that he has no right to tell me what to do, but the truth is, I don’t think I could handle Kellen dating someone else right now, either. I know it doesn't make any sense, but the thought of him with another girl leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

“I won’t talk to any guys,” I promise. “But you can’t talk to any girls, either.”

A wide grin spreads across his face. “I’m too busy stalking you, remember.”

I laugh. “That’s not as endearing as you try to make it sound.”

“Maybe it’s my love language.” Kellen shrugs.

“I don’t doubt it.”

“I guess I should go,” he says, sadness pooling in his eyes.

“I was actually leaving, too. We can walk out together,” I offer.

He nods, and I pack up my laptop and charging cable. Getting up from my chair, I sling my bag over my shoulder. Kellen gets up from his chair and together we walk out of the coffee shop.

“My car is parked over there.” I point to the corner of the street.

“I’ll walk you there.”

Less than two minutes later we are standing in front of my car, and I am wondering how to tell him goodbye. Looking at his face, I’m guessing he is thinking the same.

“Would a hug be out of the question?” He finally asks after a moment of awkward silence.

I shake my head without thinking much about it. He smiles and opens his arms for me. I step into his embrace and wrap my arms around his torso. He pulls me in for a bear hug, and we stand there together for a moment. I bury my face into his shirt, enjoying the way he smells.

All too soon, Kellen releases me. I let my arms fall to my side and take a small step back.

“I’ll see you around, dragonfly.” With that, he spins around and walks away from me, leaving me standing there and wondering when I’m going to see him again.