Page 21 of Queen to the Sunless Court (Brides of Myth #2)

Heart to Heart

Theron

Riding the horse of the lord of the Underworld with Calliste in his arms was both exhilarating and strange.

The strangeness, Theron realized, came from the way the immortal beast moved across the clouds. As Nocturne galloped, he didn’t touch the ground, so there was no usual rocking in the saddle. Instead, they flowed above the dark clouds and beneath the stars.

Far below, the sea was a gleaming stretch of polished obsidian, with the glow of Anthemos’ lights fading fast behind them as they cut through the thickening darkness.

Holding Calliste close and inhaling the bergamot scent of her skin was the highlight of the ride. “I missed this,” he said aloud, catching himself too late.

She looked up, her lips dangerously close to his. “What did you miss?”

“You,” he replied, memorizing everything about her in that moment—her blush, the way she tried to hide the desire and longing evident in her eyes. She probably wasn’t aware of how much it showed.

“Are you not unsettled? I was terrified to meet the ruler of the Underworld.”

He shook his head. “I can’t wait. Stumbling around without answers for so long has been exhausting. Now I finally understand what’s happening and can do something about it.”

She watched him, her hair fluttering around her face. “Oh, Theron, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier—”

“It doesn’t matter now.” His gaze strayed to her lips. “I understand.”

She seemed to consider her next question before speaking. “And your wife? Aren’t you worried about that part?” She quickly looked away, her mouth tightening.

“What worries you about my wife? That she’s in the Roots, or do you think her being... maybe not alive, but caught between worlds, changes anything between us?”

“Both.”

He took a deep breath. “Since we don’t know why she’s in the Roots, let me address my marriage. It might push you away, but I want you to see me as I truly am.”

Her gaze softened. “I have no doubt that I’m looking at a good man.”

“I might not be the person you think I am.” He braced himself to reveal the truth, feeling its weight on his shoulders even now.

She needs to know. I may never have a better chance.

“When the barbarians attacked, it wasn’t a complete surprise.

They had already struck Olynthos, but we didn’t expect them to move onto Hesperis so quickly, striking at Anthemos. ”

For a moment, she seemed puzzled at where he’d started the story, but withheld her questions and placed her hand over his.

“My father insisted on leading the defense from the sea and ordered me to secure the land. Our army was spread across the shore, ready to regroup and move to any position as needed. When the barbarian ships appeared, we were prepared—except I had a terrible feeling in my chest and begged my father to let me join him. I wanted to be by his side, Calliste. But he refused. He told me I was needed at the palace, hugged me, kissed my mother, and left.” His throat suddenly grew dry, the familiar pang of pain hitting hard.

“Theron.” She stroked the back of his neck. “You don’t have to tell me if it hurts too much.”

He paused to gather his thoughts, staring ahead.

“It hurts. But I want to tell you.” After another pause, he continued.

“The sea battle turned into a massacre for both sides, Calliste. The barbarians came in overwhelming numbers, and soon the entire sea was ablaze, with my father caught in the middle. I couldn’t just stand there, watching it.

I hurried to ride to the harbor and help, but Lykos stopped me.

He held me down on the floor, roaring that if I went there, I would die, and he wouldn’t allow it.

He screamed at me that we had to defend the city, the women, the children, the future.

That my mother and everyone I knew were in the palace, and if I went to help him and died—which I certainly would have—it would be the end of Hesperis.

” He exhaled. “So I stayed and, Calliste, I prayed so hard. I bargained, begged, and pleaded with the gods to keep my father safe.”

Her tears started falling.

He wiped them away, his thumb soft against her cheek.

“The ships broke through the defenses and reached the harbor. My army engaged them as they surrounded Anthemos and laid siege. The siege lasted all day and night and eventually we prevailed—because we were furious, Calliste. All of us. As soon as I could, I rode to the harbor. It was burned to the ground, everything charred and still smoldering. One of the battleships returned, carrying my father’s recovered body and the story of his final moments. ”

She briefly pressed her forehead against his neck.

“He fought like a lion, right to the end. His ship was the largest, and the barbarians rightly guessed it carried the king. They focused on it—and this was likely what he wanted. My father was always a brilliant strategist, and I think he realized that to protect the capital and give it a fair chance of defence, he needed to reduce the barbarians’ numbers before they arrived. So he sailed out.”

Her shoulders shook as she held back sobs. “He sacrificed himself?”

“I can’t be certain, but this is what I believe.

” He hugged her closer. “When I brought his body to the palace, my mother didn’t say a word.

It seemed she chose to be strong for all of us, but her heart must have broken the moment she saw him.

” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t have time to grieve, or maybe I was in too much shock and distracted myself with all the responsibilities I suddenly had, because I was no longer the prince, but the king.

If there were any warning signs, I missed them, believing that Gaiane would know what to do—and she stayed beside my mother from the moment my father’s body was brought in.

I didn’t think much of it when, two days later, my mother went for her usual walk on the part of the beach that belongs to the palace.

She told Gaiane and other attendants she wanted to be alone in her grief and forbade the guards from following her. They obeyed.”

Calliste looked up, her forehead scrunched in horror, as if she could already guess what he was about to say.

“She never came back from that walk. We searched everywhere until, two days later, the sea returned her body, washing it ashore.”

“No. No.” She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry you went through this.”

His throat tightened. “I made a single funeral pyre for them, so they went to the Underworld together. A part of me died that day—and still, there was no time to grieve, Calliste. Anthemos needed to be rebuilt. So I carried on, and soon, I was looking at a new city. But I knew of its scars.”

“As soon as the mourning period ended—three months after my parents’ burial—the Assembly began discussing my marriage.

At first, I refused to even give it a thought, but they persisted, and their arguments were…

sound. My family line needed to continue.

I knew that, of course, except… I also knew I couldn’t make a woman happy.

Even though I carried on, inside, I was a ruin.

Xanthos eventually convinced me to let them find a wife for me. ”

There was a strange look in Calliste’s eyes. “So your marriage was… arranged? They forced you?”

He rubbed his hand over his face. “Yes and no. They pressured me for reasons that are clear to me now—certain noble Houses saw this as a unique opportunity to marry into my line. I could have refused, but—”

“But they blackmailed you with your sense of responsibility,” she finished for him, her eyes blazing with righteous anger.

He couldn’t get enough of that vindicating heat. “Yes.”

“Even though you weren’t yourself. Even though you were still grieving.”

“Yes,” he replied quietly, closing his eyes.

“I also thought that refusing would be selfish—people needed hope, and my child would be that hope. So, when the best candidates were presented, I chose one who would secure the strongest alliance for my House. I went through the brief courtship and then married her. It wasn’t until later that I realized the cost of that decision for both of us. ”

Calliste watched him up close.

He couldn’t puzzle out her expression with so many emotions flickering in her eyes.

Her lips parted, as if she wanted to ask him a question.

When she didn’t, a shiver of unease coursed down his spine.

Please don’t think I’m a monster. “I respected her, Calliste.” His throat was dry as he said it. “I gave her everything.”

“Except… yourself.”

“Except… Yes. There was nothing I could do about it.” He clenched his teeth, feeling as though the bond between them was unraveling before him, his admission like a blade slicing through what they had.

“But when I mentioned her death after you took me from Mount Hellecon, I saw your face. I could tell I had touched a wound.” Her voice still betrayed nothing.

“I didn’t love her, but when she became pregnant with Kalias, I tried.

Not to love her—that was impossible. I tried to be less of a stranger and more of a husband, but I still couldn’t bring myself to touch her.

” Noticing her startled look, he sighed.

“We were only close on our wedding night, out of necessity. Never again.”

She paused before asking the next question. “I once asked Gaiane about her,” she admitted quietly. “Gaiane said she was a complicated person and that her mind seemed consumed with worries.”

Bile rose in his mouth once more. “This is true—and likely my fault. She... I believe she harbored a lot of darkness and needed to marry someone who could be her light. Instead, she married an empty shell.” He swallowed hard. “What she truly wanted, I couldn’t give her.”

Calliste watched him, unblinking.

He wondered if she had already judged him and braced himself.

“In the last few weeks of her pregnancy, she refused to leave her room. Whenever I visited, she asked if I loved her, and I couldn’t bring myself to lie.

I remained silent. She would cry and demand that I leave her alone.

I was so worried for the child that I ordered guards to stay with her at all times, even while she slept, and she hated me even more for it.

” He took a deep breath. “She went into labor too early. Something was wrong; she was losing too much blood. Panakeios was frantic and helpless.” Suddenly, he realized he had slumped forward, resting his forehead on Calliste’s shoulder, and she was gently stroking his back.

“It happened with two births I delivered, Theron. Sometimes a woman’s body isn’t strong enough. It wasn’t your fault.”

“No? If I had refused the marriage, she might still be alive. And if I had lied, pretended affection, her last months could have been happier. But I did none of that. The moment I saw the god of death in my chamber—even though it was just a misted reflection in the mirror—I knew it was the end.”

“Theron.” She embraced him tightly, but she was trembling.

He let her, exhausted from laying himself bare to her.

“I’ve been thinking about it every day since, Calliste—about the choices I made and didn’t make, and how I’ll never be able to correct my mistakes.

Over time, I started idealizing her. I imagined a different past where we were happy and none of our troubles existed, even though I knew it was just fantasy.

Everyone mistook my guilt for grief, but I never truly grieved for my wife.

I carried guilt instead and barred myself from considering anyone in my life again—because I had nothing to offer.

Until I met you. And if you reject me now.

..” I’ll break into more pieces than I did eight years ago, and remain in darkness forever.

As I deserve. “I won’t blame you. You’ve navigated such a long maze, only to find a monster at the end. ”

She still held him, but she might let go at any moment. He braced himself, already bitter and furious at the thought of losing the only light he’d found in a long time. “You agree, don’t you? It’s fine,” he forced out, ready for rejection. “I expected that—”

“Never,” Calliste whispered in his ear.

A slow, incredulous warmth spread through him, and he stilled, then slowly lifted his head and opened his eyes to see the truth.

Understanding shone like the tears in her eyes, shaking him to the core. “You don’t hate me?”

“No,” she said, and then her lips were on his.