Page 87 of Queen of Volts

“Because I thought I was making it up,” Tock replied, “and that she’d come back. And then I was just...scared. I was scared I pushed her into it, even though I don’t remember doing anything wrong.”

“Lola was here earlier,” Levi said quietly. “Well, she didn’t come in, but—”

“What?You didn’t wake me?” Tock shot up to a sitting position, her eyes as round as poker chips. “What did she want?”

“She wanted to talk to me.”

“You? Why you?”

Levi sighed and considered his words carefully. “She wanted to know how Enne was doing, but that’s it. She didn’t say anything about the Bargainer.”

Tock groaned and leaned her head back into her pillows.

“Do you know what Lola would’ve wanted?” Levi asked. “What would have been worth a bargain to her?”

Tock rested her forehead against her knees. “No, it’s like I said. I keep wondering, but I can’t...I can’t come up with anything.” Her voice cracked. “We loved each other. There was nothing worth more than us.”

Levi sighed, then he did climb into the bed beside her. He leaned back against the headboard, his legs stretched out, trying but failing to relax. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m so angry,” she whispered.

“We could find out where she’s staying,” he offered. “Then you could see her.”

“What good would it do if she doesn’t evenknow who I am? You should’ve seen her face when I kissed her. It was like...” Tock let out a low laugh. “She probably thought she’d never been kissed before. She thinks she’s still a—”

“Whatever you’re about to say, I promise you Lola probably wouldn’t wantmeto hear it,” Levi said, feeling his face heat.

“Lola did always think you were a thickhead,” Tock said, snorting.

He cleared his throat. It felt morbid to talk about Lola this way, like she was dead. He’d been angry with her when they spoke earlier, but now he thought he might need to consider their conversation differently. Lola was clearly not herself.

“Well, if I get a do-over with her, maybe—” he started.

“She definitely only forgotme. She still thinks you’re a thickhead.”

While Tock began fiddling with the knot in her hair, Levi wondered if he should share Tock’s suspicions about Lola with Enne, if she’d want to know, if Levi should even be the one to tell her. He couldn’t fathom the thought of facing Enne, now that he’d put everything he felt out in the open and instead been accused of pretending.

But he had a great deal to tell her.

Tock sighed. “You can tell me about your romantic woes now. I just wanted it to be clear that mine are worse. And that I’m suffering.”

“It’s noted, and you know that Iamsorry, right? You’re my...” He caught himself. He was about to saybest friend, and then a wave of guilt washed over him.

“Maybe you need some time to lie down, too,” she told him, stretching out her legs and patting them. Levi laughed softly and lay on his back, his head on her thighs. Her pajamas were likely unsanitary at this point, but he was too tired to care. “You’re doing better than I thought you would be, considering where you were only two months ago.”

“I’m not any better,” he said truthfully, “I’m just sober.”

“Do you want to be?”

“Muck, no.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his deck of cards, so he could have something to fiddle with. “Most nights, I dream about my family and the Revolution, and I can’t stop hearing my father’s voice, warning me that I’ve made myself a target. That Enne and I are next. I never wanted to be an orb-maker. I thought using my talent would make me feel like him.”

“And did it?” Tock asked softly.

“No, but I’m still on edge. I can’t even go near the Casino District—they’ve been partying nonstop since the curfew ended. It’s so crowded. I keep thinking that they’re all watching me, that they all want me dead.”

“I think that’s normal.”

“Normal?”he echoed. “What part of that sounds normal?”