Page 15

Blair

Recommendation: You’ll be in my heart by Phil Collins

Pregnant.

My emotions were all over the place from seeing that word on the pregnancy test. I didn’t think it would ever be possible for me. Witnessing how everyone sat in the bathroom waiting to see the verdict of the test made me realize that I finally had the family I’ve wanted for years.

How we all prayed and cried together when we saw that I was pregnant with Quasim’s baby, it was truly special. Even as I sat there, I became choked up, witnessing Quasim’s reaction. I was nervous for the test to be positive.

I trusted his word when he told me that he wasn’t running from me anymore. There was this small piece of me that didn’t want this to overwhelm him. He was mourning the loss of his home, the one that he shared with Cherie and Harley. Some nights, he never slept and just stared up at the ceiling for hours.

I could imagine how he felt. Someone took something so personal to him, something that meant the most to him.

Our baby was made in love and uncertainty, more on his end than mine, but love, nonetheless. Although Quasim was trying to fight how he felt, I always knew what I wanted. Despite all the uncertainty and confusion, the one thing we weren’t confused or uncertain about was our attraction for one another.

What our bodies did whenever we were near one another.

That was how this baby ended up inside of me in the first place. Neither of us could keep our hands away from each other. Soon as he raised that eyebrow and called me my love, these legs automatically opened. I made a mental reminder to call my doctor and make an appointment. He recommended two to five years before getting pregnant, but when he saw my face, he said at least six months.

I knew I would have to discontinue the medication that I currently was taking. For this child, I would discontinue it all to make sure they were healthy. I’ve lost one child because I didn’t put them first right away.

This was my second chance to prove to God that I learned my lesson and I appreciated how much he had forgiven me and was giving me that chance to hear someone call me mommy. Losing a child was never easy.

I think the one thing that was hard for me to accept was that he wouldn’t call me mommy. What would his voice sound like? Would he have been a mama’s boy or a little menace? These were questions that constantly swarmed my mental whenever I thought about my son.

It was funny because since I left the hospital after losing him, I’ve always felt like there was this piece missing inside of me. It was this intense feeling that something was ripped from me, and no matter how much time passed, it never healed.

No matter how happy I was or what was going on in life, this grief was a disease that didn’t have a cure – or so I thought.

As I sit here now, I realized I hadn’t been feeling that debilitating pain, and it was because that hole in my heart had been filled in. It would never fit the same exact spot that was snatched out of me, but it was a small reminder that I could heal. This love was a bandage, healing that part that had been bleeding for years.

“Can I lay with you?” I looked away from the lake view and saw Elijah standing there. He was in the back, playing near the lake as I sat in the swing, taking in the beautiful view and sitting in gratitude.

“Hop on up.” I held the swing still as he climbed up, and maneuvered his way over toward me, laying on my stomach. My heart swelled as he took a deep sigh and closed his eyes while I rubbed his curls. “You smell like outside.” I giggled.

“Because I am outside, Ms. Blair.”

I laughed. “You know, I do sound silly… huh?”

As a child, I remember when I used to run inside to my mom, and she would screw her face up and laugh while telling me that I smelled like outside. When I was a kid, I never understood what she meant, and I never smelled it. Now that I was an adult, I could smell the exact scent that she called outside .

“Are you going to marry Sim?”

“I don’t know, baby…hopefully. Why?”

He looked up at me, his soft and kind eyes latched onto mine. The world had been cruel to him, and he had still managed to remain kind. “I want to come.”

I smiled. “Well, we aren’t talking about weddings right now. When that happens, you’ll be the first person invited.”

He put his head back on me and hugged me. “Will you be my new family?”

“Do you want us to be your new family?”

He nodded his head. “I like having new cousins and aunts. Sim tucks me into bed and kisses my head. I can eat whatever I want and never get in trouble for it.”

My heart ached, hearing him mention he doesn’t get in trouble for eating. No child should ever feel that way when it came to eating. A child should have been allowed to eat to their heart’s contentment without getting in trouble for it.

“We are your new family, Eli.”

“Okay.” I continued to rub his hair as we swung on the swing, enjoying the breeze. “Will you come back after your work trip?”

“Of course, baby… I will be right back to you and Simmy.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” I assured him.

Everything in me told me to protect this little angel. Make sure that he never feels pain or hurt again. I wanted his days to be filled with love and knowing that he was loved by us. I understood why Sim was protective of him before knowing his story.

Elijah was handed a shitty start at life, and it was our responsibility to make sure he remained safe. His own mother, that wasn’t his mother, tried to kill him in that house and we still didn’t know why. Imagine watching the person that was supposed to love you toss a cocktail into your window.

The backdoor creaked and I saw Sim coming out with scotch in his glass. He nodded his head, and I knew we were going to have that conversation with Elijah. My mouth became moist, and my heart quickened.

“Cuddling out here without me… that’s foul.”

Elijah lifted his head and smirked. “You were too slow.”

Sim took a sip of his drink. “Liquor burns my throat.”

Me and Sim both looked at each other. He remained calmer than me because my eyes were wide when he mentioned that liquor burns his throat.

Who was forcing liquor down this baby’s throat?

I could see his grip tighten around the glass as he looked at him. “When did you have liquor, Eli?”

He laid back on my chest. “Mom forces me to drink a bunch of it before he comes.”

My hand covered my mouth, and Sim gave me a soothing look that told me to breathe and relax. I had to remain calm because if we overreacted, then he would, too.

I could see my baby pacing himself and trying to remain calm. “Eli, remember when I told you that I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth?”

Elijah shot up. “I haven’t lied to you, Sim… I swear. Please don’t take me back, I’m not lying,” He started crying.

Sim motioned for him to come to him, and he quickly moved over toward him. “I know you didn’t lie to me. You’re always honest… but you didn’t tell me something, Eli.”

He stared up at Quasim with tears in his eyes. “My iPad.”

My face was wet with tears as I listened to how broken this baby was. How defeated he was that we knew about something he wanted to hide from us. “Can you tell me about it?”

He looked back over at me. “It’s okay, Elijah.”

Quasim held his face. “I told you I would always come for you, right?”

He nodded yes.

“Then I need you to know that I am going to fix everything and take care of the bad people, too, okay?”

“And come back for me?”

“Always going to come back for you and Anjo.” He stared at me in the eyes as I held his hand while Elijah leaned on him.

He squeezed my hand as Elijah told us everything that happened to him. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried hard not to cover my ears. My heart was broken, vomit tickled my throat, and the tears wouldn’t stop.

Sim never let go of my hand or Elijah as he told us everything. He was our sense of strength, although I knew this was breaking him down, too. Elijah cried into Sim’s chest while he squeezed my hand and held him tightly with the other.

A child holding onto all of that was too much. It was so much for me to hear, and he had actually experienced the horrible things he said. All I knew is that Thea had to die, and I wanted to see her go down.

“Eli, look at me.” he pulled himself from being buried into his chest and looked at him. “I lost one child… remember when I told you about her.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not going to lose another… you are mine and I am yours, okay? It would be a cold day in hell before they ever came to take you from me, okay?”

“Promise?”

I moved closer to Quasim. “We promise.” Simmy kissed me as I leaned my head on his shoulder and we both held Elijah. I looked into his eyes, and I knew this was the calm before the storm. “You have to do what you have to do. We love you for it, Simmy.”

He kissed my head, as I closed my eyes and squeezed his hand.

Elijah was chatting about anything that came to his mind as we drove to the private airport. I told Quasim that it wasn’t necessary to put me on a jet. My employer was paying for my flight. He was set on making sure that he chartered a jet for us to head down to Miami.

I rubbed his neck as he drove, and he kept his hand on my thigh. “Two weeks, you gonna miss me?”

“Damn right… how much she paid you? I’ll pay you double to back out.”

I snorted. “Simmy, you more than anyone know business don’t work like that.”

He smirked. “I’m wrong for asking?”

“Not you wanting to pay me to call out of work.” I continued to rub his neck, something that he loved that I did whenever he was driving.

“I respect your career, Anjo… don’t ever want you to think that I don’t. Just don’t want y’all away from me right now, but I understand.”

It was him using y’all that made me swoon, because it was no longer just me anymore. I was now y’all – again.

“Call me every day, and be careful out there, Simmy.” I slightly scolded him.

I looked back at Elijah who looked offended that we weren’t listening to the new information about dolphins that Erin had sat him and Peach down to discuss the kid friendly version. Capone had to pull her away because she told them that Seaworld was a place that people with funny shaped heads visited.

“Sorry, Eli… Simmy has a surprise for you, though.”

His face lit up when he realized he was going to have a surprise. “Really?”

Quasim was sending Elijah with me to Miami. Core had gotten him some fake documents that looked legit with both of our names on the birth certificate. He even had a passport for him but told him that he needed to talk to him when he had a minute.

It was clear that he found something out and we needed to know who this child belonged to. In my head, he belonged to me and Sim, and he felt the same way. I wanted to stab Thea in the face for what she did. I was protective of him, and I would do whatever to protect this little boy. As a child in foster care, no one ever protected me.

My story was nowhere near Elijah’s, but children in the system were never truly protected. We were seen as paychecks every month, nothing more and nothing less. Augusta Mae protected me when all she could have done was collected a check for a few months and then sent me right back out there.

Instead, she showed me love and what a mother did for the child she loved, even if that kid wasn’t blood related. It was the reason I felt so strongly about moving her with me. Augusta Mae deserved the same grace and love she extended to me.

“Remember when you said you never went to the beach?” Quasim looked at Elijah through the mirror.

“Yes,” Elijah smiled.

There were small things that I noticed about him. Like when he was very happy, his dimples sucked right into those cheeks. “You are going to the beach with Anjo while she works.”

“Hell yeahhhhh!” Quasim shot him a look. “Sorry, Sim… sorry.”

“You and Ry better chill out.”

“Okay.”

He looked at me. “You sure about this? I know you have to work and don’t want to fuck with that.”

I smiled. “You already rented us a beach front condo.”

Since I had told Sim that I wasn’t changing my mind about going to Miami to work, he had made sure he did everything to make the trip easier on me, which I loved. One night, I found him up on his laptop booking a condo for us.

I asked him if I could take Elijah with me. After he told us what happened to him, I felt he could use something to get his mind off everything for now.

“Kiki is going, so she agreed to keep an eye on him.”

I loved Kiki, so I was excited that she was coming along with us. Since my client had a night nurse, I didn’t need to live in with her. After I finished with the designated hours she was paying for each day, I was going to make time to spend time with Elijah and take him to the beach.

The security let us through after Sim showed them the confirmation for all the documents he submitted ahead of time. He sped across to get to the jet that was waiting. I saw Yasin talking to Kiki.

He was leaning on the car that was there, staring at her. Even from where I sat in the car, I could tell he was down bad for that girl. Sim whipped near the jet, and looked at me, then in the mirror at Elijah.

“Remember what I told you, Elijah… I’m not around so what that mean?”

“I protect Ms. Blair.”

Simmy smirked. “My guy.”

He got out and came around to help me out the car. I kissed his lips a few times as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Answer on the first call, too.”

“Anjo, the fuck?”

“Israel, the fuck? Answer that damn phone.” I pointed at him, and he kissed my hand, and kissed my neck.

As he stared down at me amused, “You crazy as shit, Anjo.”

“Even crazier now that I am carrying your baby.” I reminded him. “Be careful, Simmy… please.”

“You want to pray?” I nodded my head, and he called Elijah over. We all held hands, bowed our heads, and he said a prayer for us, asking God to keep us all safe.

“Amen,” Elijah said, and hugged Quasim.

“Gonna miss you, Sim.”

Simmy kneeled down and hugged him tighter. “My turn to ask… you coming back for me, Eli?”

“Yes!”

“My guy… take care my lady, alright?”

“Always.” He hugged him once more and then saw Yasin and took off. “Sin!”

“Prince, what up?” Yasin hit the IG shake with him, which made me shake my head because Elijah was an Inferno God in the making.

He stood up and kissed my lips a few times. “Call me if you need me, Blair… I’m on my way without hesitation.”

“I know, and we will be safe.”

“Oh shit.” We both turned our heads when Hassan came off the jet and saw Elijah. He looked at him, and then over at Sim.

Elijah looked at him and smiled. “Hi!”

“What up, lil man?” Hassan did the IG shake and then came over toward me and Quasim. “Yo, King… I know him.”

“How the fuck you know him, Hassan?”

He looked back at Elijah. “He was younger when I saw him… was in medical school… clinicals. I never forget a fucking face. He was in the emergency room one night and something didn’t sit right. He was with some blonde hair bitch… think he broke his arm or some shit, but he was clearly abused. I told the attending at the time, and he basically threatened to write me up or some dumb shit… can’t remember, but I remember his face. Me and my homegirl both saw the marks, and he was moving just like we learned.”

Hassan was now a doctor, a resident, and he remembered Elijah’s face. He continued to keep looking back at Elijah like he couldn’t believe he was there. “You remembered him all this time?”

“Felt like I failed him because I didn’t speak up against that bitch.”

Sim dapped him up. “You wasn’t wrong.”

That was all he said, and Hassan didn’t need any more words. He dropped his head. “Shit.”

I reached out and rubbed his back. “Not your fault, Hassan. You alerted someone and they failed him, not you. He’s safe now, and we need to figure out who this woman is because she’s not his mother… Jesus, that shit makes my chest tight every?—”

“Calm it down with my baby inside you,” he raised his eyebrow at me, and I rolled my eyes, but took a few deep breaths. “Anjo, work and none of that stressing shit… ight?”

“Congratulations you two… for real… a blessing.”

“Thank you.” I smiled.

“Look, when I’m back and back to work… I’ll go look into some documents and shit for you.”

Quasim nodded his head. “You worked hard to get into this position, Has. I got people that can do it and keep your hands clean.”

“Heard you.” He nodded.

I watched as Hassan and Quasim interacted, and Hassan had this huge amount of respect for him. It was the same way that Elijah looked at him.

Quasim continued to watch Elijah, and I stood on my toes and kissed his lips. “I’m going to talk to him on the plane. I hate that he feels guilty about it.”

He looked down at me. “Who the fuck is Thea in all of this? Core said he’ll have something for me in a few days… Forty left me a message, too. God only knows what the fuck he wants.”

I sighed. “If Forty left a message then you know something is coming up, Sim… I don’t like this.”

He kissed my lips. “Yeah, me, either. I don’t want you stressing the fuck out about this, Blair… I’m clear?”

“Might find me in a club… remember how you carried me out the club?”

He gripped my ass. “And this time I ain’t choking a nigga… he eating these bullets, Anjo.”

Why did hearing this man threaten another man’s life get me excited. “A long two weeks.”

Quasim kissed my neck and came into my ear. “And after that two weeks, I’m gonna wear that pussy out, you hear?”

“You promise?”

“Never break a promise, my love.” He kissed my ear and walked me over toward everyone.

“Do what you have to, Diablo… protect the family, my love.” I kissed his cheek once more, staring into his eyes as he kissed my hand.

After he held a conversation with Hassan, Kiki, and Yasin, we boarded the jet. I kissed him once more and Elijah assured him that we were going to come back. I settled into my seat and watched as he kissed his fingers and put it on his heart as he mouthed, I love you .

He got into my truck and pulled away, and I said a prayer to look over him. I needed Him to keep his hands on him now more than ever.

“King will be fine… he’s always good.” Kiki sat across from me.

I smiled weakly. “I worry about him. I mean, I’ve always worried about him, but now more than ever. I can’t lose him.”

She squeezed my hand, as Yasin sat next to her. “King has a bunch of us riding for him and we’re always going to make sure he’s straight.

Hassan and Elijah sat across from us. “He’s the reason I’m a doctor… got the utmost respect for that man, and I’d lay down and die for him.”

“All of us would. When you get these flames put on you, you family… like we would lay our lives down, they would do the same. The Infernos have always treated us like family, been there for each of us during tough seasons and never asked for shit in return. Won’t ever mention it, either.”

It spoke volumes how loyal each Inferno God was to the Inferno family. This wasn’t just a gang for them, it was their family, and they treated it just like that.

When Quasim took lead and they followed, he was leading them, and they respected that position. “Papa had his crew that ran with him, but when Quasim took over, he built his own team brick by brick.” Hassan continued. “There’s a love and respect that I have for him that will never go away.” He pinched Elijah’s cheek as he stuffed his face with the refreshments that the flight attendant had given him.

Yasin reached across and dapped him. “My moms ran with Papa, has the flames to show it. Only right for me and Hav to do the same. You are Queen Inferno, and that same loyalty is extended to you, Blair. We’ll lay down our lives to protect you because you are a part of the Inferno family. We stand because that’s how much we respect you and Lady Inferno. Cause when it’s all said and done, we know you’ll protect us the same.”

“Absolutely.”

I watched the red brake lights as he exited the gates and leaned my head back, saying a prayer. Simmy had me praying more. I needed him to lead me back to believing and having faith again. Nobody could tell me that this wasn’t God’s doing.

God does.