Page 28 of Quarantined

“You are not going to change before you go to sleep?” I manage to rasp out.

“Naaa… tell me things?”

“What things?”

“Just things. Things you couldn't say at the party.”

“Actually, I want to talk to you about that.”

“Yes.”

“Were you mad at me tonight?”

She turns to look at me. She looks sad. So sad. “No, Milo, never at you. Everyone but you.” Raven puts one hand on my cheek, “You saved me.”

I shatter. Like a broken mirror. That’s what I am right now. A shattered mirror on the floor. Too many tiny pieces are scattered about, making it impossible to glue it back together.

You saved me.

Her words haunt me. If only she knew. She savedme. She saves me every day. I needed this calming hand on my cheek. Raven, my fucking Xanax. My doctor ordered prescription.

I turn my head and kiss her palm.

It immediately gives me access to her smell. That vanilla smell. The smell of home, comfort, intensity, obsession. I want to smell it again. I put my own hand on hers. I kiss her hand again and then her pulse.

“Rave… ”

“Are you going to leave me?”

“What? What kind of question is that?”

“Don’t ever leave me."

I reach out to her, brushing one hand on her cheeks. My other hand strokes her hair.

“I’d never leave you.”

"You can't leave me. No matter what I do. It will break my heart if you do. Promise me you won’t leave me.”

Raven is never emotional like this. I just stare at her, dumbfounded.

"Say it."

"I promise I will never leave you."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

“Milo."

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

I stay quiet. She is staring at me with glossy eyes, and I can’t take it anymore. I lean over to kiss both of her eyelids. I should not have done that either. Because now I need more.

Unable to find the strength to stop, I kiss her cheek next. Both of them. I place a kiss on her forehead. Her nose. Raven leans against my forehead and closes her eyes.