Page 18 of Pucking the Cocky Striker

18

Fiona

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since I last saw Stellan, and it feels like every day drags by slower than the last. I wake up every morning, go through the motions, but the whole time, all I can think about is him. I miss him so much it hurts, like a constant ache in my chest that won’t go away. I miss the way he made me laugh, the way he made everything feel easier, the way he looked at me like I was the only person in the room.

I can’t stop thinking about him.

But I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to do what my father told me, to keep my distance from him. It’s what’s best, right? If I stay away, maybe the story will die down. Maybe things will go back to normal. Maybe I won’t be the cause of more problems for Stellan and the team.

But every second without him feels like a lifetime.

I’m sitting at my kitchen table now, nursing a cup of coffee, when Lacey walks in, her usual energetic self. She’s been my rock through all of this, though I’m sure she can tell how miserable I’ve been.

“Alright, spill,” she says, sitting down across from me. “You’ve barely said two words since I got here. I can tell you’re still moping over him .”

I try to give her a smile, but it’s weak. “I’m fine, Lacey. Just tired, I guess.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Tired? Or just heartbroken?”

I don’t answer, because the truth is, it’s both. I am heartbroken. I feel like part of me is missing, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to fill the space.

“Don’t lie to me, Fiona,” she says gently. “You’ve been miserable ever since that meeting with your dad. You’ve barely gone out, barely done anything fun. And I get it, I do. You’re trying to do the right thing. But it’s killing you.”

I look down at my coffee, the steam rising in slow swirls, and I feel my chest tighten. I hate this. I hate how much I miss him, how much I want to see him, but I can’t. I can’t break my father’s rules. I can’t risk ruining everything for Stellan.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Lacey,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “It feels like I’m suffocating without him. I keep thinking about him—wondering if he’s thinking about me too, or if he’s already moved on. Maybe it’s better if I just let it go. Maybe he doesn’t care about me as much as I care about him.”

Lacey’s expression softens, and she leans forward, reaching across the table to take my hand. “Fiona, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

I look up at her, a little surprised by her response. “What do you mean?”

She sighs, shaking her head. “Stellan loves you. Loves you. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your best friend and I want to make you feel better. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The way he talks about you. The way he touches you. That man would walk through fire for you, and you’re sitting here acting like he’s already moved on?”

I feel a lump form in my throat, but I push it down. “But he’s doing exactly what my dad told him to do. He’s staying away from me, Lacey. He’s probably relieved. He’s probably glad to have the chance to focus on hockey and not deal with me. I’m not stupid. This was all just for show. And maybe it’s for the best. Maybe he realized this was never real for him.”

Lacey’s eyes flash with frustration, and she stands up, pacing across the room. “Oh my god, you’re being so stupid right now. This whole situation sucks, I get it. But do you really think Stellan is okay with not being with you? Do you think he’s just sitting there, going about his life like everything is fine? He’s hurting too, Fiona. I can see it in his eyes every time you mention his name. He misses you, just as much as you miss him.”

I can feel my heart breaking at the thought of Stellan being in pain, but I don’t want to hope for something that might never happen. “But what if I’m wrong?” I whisper, the words slipping out before I can stop them. “What if he doesn’t really care about me the way I care about him? What if this was just a way for him to get out of a sticky situation? I don’t want to be the one to make him feel obligated.”

Lacey stops pacing and turns to face me, her eyes filled with the kind of honesty that only a best friend can offer. “Fiona, you’re not making him feel obligated. You’re making him feel loved . I’m telling you right now, he’s not the type to walk away from someone he cares about. You think he’s just going to forget about you? Forget the way you two were together?”

I look down at my hands, feeling the weight of her words sink in. Part of me wants to believe her. But another part of me is terrified. Terrified of getting my hopes up and being crushed again.

“I can’t keep doing this,” I say, my voice shaking. “I can’t keep pretending it’s fine when it’s not. I just want him back, Lacey. I miss him so much, but I can’t make him care if he doesn’t.”

Lacey walks over to me, kneeling down in front of my chair, her hand gently lifting my chin so I’m forced to meet her gaze. “You’re not alone in this, Fiona. Stellan’s not gone. He’s just waiting, like you are. Waiting for the right moment. And I’ll help you. I’ll sneak you to him if I have to. But you need to stop doubting him. You need to stop thinking he doesn’t love you because he does. And I know that in my heart.”

Her words hit me like a lifeline, but I shake my head, a tear escaping despite myself. “I can’t, Lacey. I can’t risk it. I have to stay away. For him. For everything else.”

She sighs deeply, sitting down beside me and taking my hand in hers. “You’re being silly. You’re not giving him enough credit. He’ll fight for you, Fiona. He already is.”

I look at her, feeling a fresh wave of doubt wash over me. “I don’t know how much longer I can survive without him,” I admit, my voice breaking.

“You won’t have to,” she says softly, squeezing my hand. “You’ll see. He’s not going anywhere.”

But as I sit there, with Lacey’s reassuring words filling the silence, I still don’t know if I believe her. I want to. I want to believe that Stellan will come back for me. But I can’t shake the fear that maybe I’m not enough for him after all.

I just want to be with him again.

The hum of the arena is overwhelming, the crowd’s cheers echoing through the walls as I sit in the VIP box with my father and his friends. The game is well underway, but I’m not really paying attention to the action on the ice. Not to the puck, not to the players flying around like a blur of motion. My eyes are only focused on one thing— him .

Stellan.

I can’t help it. He’s out there, skating effortlessly across the ice, moving with the kind of grace and power that makes everyone else look like they’re standing still. His focus is sharp, his movements fluid, and I can see the determination on his face even from here.

Every time he moves, my heart races, and for a moment, I forget where I am. I forget about my father, forget about Grant sitting beside me, forget about the whole situation I’m stuck in. All I can think about is Stellan.

But then my father’s voice breaks through, sharp and insistent, pulling me back to reality. “Fiona, honey,” he says, his voice too cheerful for my liking. “You should talk to Grant. He’s still interested in getting back together, you know.”

My stomach drops, and I try not to visibly react. I glance at Grant, who’s sitting there with a smile that makes me feel uncomfortable. He’s wearing that same confident, smooth expression like he has all the answers, like he’s the one who’s supposed to be beside me, not Stellan.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Dad,” I mutter, my gaze quickly returning to the ice. I try to look casual, like I’m not dying inside at the thought of my father trying to force me back into something that never really worked in the first place. But the truth is, I’m not interested. Not in Grant. Not in anyone else.

All I want is Stellan.

Grant leans in, his voice low, but it still feels like it carries across the room. “Come on, Fiona. We’ve been through a lot, haven’t we? Maybe we should give it another shot. You know, for old time’s sake.”

I can feel the tension building in my shoulders, and I try to force a smile, but it feels fake. I can’t even look at him. All I want is to be anywhere but here, listening to this, watching Stellan on the ice.

“I’m good, really,” I say, my voice more firm than I intend. “I’m not interested, Grant.”

He frowns, but it doesn’t really affect him. He’s used to getting what he wants. I’m not sure why he’s still here, still trying to win me back when I’m not even remotely interested.

Lacey, sitting beside me, notices the way my hand is gripping the armrest of my chair like I’m trying to hold onto something that’s slipping away. She gives me a sympathetic look, her eyes soft with understanding.

“You’re not going to let him get to you, are you?” she whispers, leaning in a little closer so my father can’t hear. “He’s not worth it.”

I shake my head, trying to smile at her. “I know,” I whisper back. “I just wish... I wish it were simpler, Lacey.”

I can’t even finish the sentence. The truth is, I wish I were with Stellan. That’s all I want. The rest of this—my father, Grant, the expectations—it all feels so heavy. I want to be free from all of it. I want to be with the person who makes me feel like I can breathe again.

I look back at the ice and my heart skips when I see Stellan making a perfect pass, setting up a goal. The crowd erupts, but I don’t care about the noise or the celebration. All I care about is the way he looks on the ice. The way he moves. The way he is. He’s everything I want, everything I need, and yet I can’t have him.

Lacey nudges my arm gently, her voice soft but teasing. “You know, it’s a shame we’re not seeing you two together anymore. I haven’t seen you look at anyone the way you look at him.”

I don’t even try to hide my feelings anymore. My heart swells with something I can’t describe—something that aches and hurts and fills me all at once. I nod, my voice barely above a whisper. “I know. I love him, Lacey.”

There’s a long pause, and I know she’s waiting for me to say something more, but there’s nothing else to say. It’s the truth, and it feels like the weight of the world.

“You deserve to be with him,” Lacey says, her voice unwavering. “And if you love him, then he probably feels the same. It’s obvious to anyone who looks at you two.”

I blink, the tears welling up in my eyes, and I quickly look away, blinking them back before anyone notices. “I’m not sure he feels the same,” I say, my voice tight. “He’s doing what my father told him to do. He’s staying away from me. And maybe... maybe it’s for the best.”

Lacey frowns, her hand gently resting on mine. “Fiona, don’t sell yourself short. I know Stellan. He’s not just some guy doing what he’s told. You’re wrong if you think he’s just following orders. He’s doing it because he thinks it’s what you need.”

I don’t say anything. I want to believe her. I want to believe that Stellan still wants me, that he still cares. But how could he? I haven’t seen him in weeks. He’s staying away because that’s what my father ordered, and I can’t break his rules, not after everything that’s happened.

But watching Stellan on the ice, knowing that he’s out there and I can’t be with him, feels like a part of me is missing.

I look over at my father, who’s chatting with his friends, oblivious to the emotional storm going on inside me. Grant, sitting beside him, is still trying to engage me, but I’m not listening anymore. My focus is entirely on Stellan—on the way he moves, on the way he plays the game, on the way he makes everything look effortless.

And I know, without a doubt, that I love him. That I will always love him.

But I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up.

I just want him back. I want to hold him, talk to him, be with him. I miss everything about him—his voice, his touch, his laugh. Everything.

As I sit there, watching him glide across the ice, I make a silent promise to myself. I won’t give up on him. I’ll find a way to fight for him. Somehow, someway, I’ll make things right between us.

But for now, all I can do is watch him from the sidelines, wishing for the chance to be with him again.