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CHAPTER 19
KENZIE
"What's happening?" I ask Bo as we tune into another Viking show.
"My manager is a douchebag. I swear he bagged Loren because she wants a promotion. She's a cum sponge."
"Oh, my God. Did you say that? It's so gross."
"What? She is," Bo flippantly replies. "I call it how I see it."
"If she gets promoted, will it affect you?"
"I don't think so. She's moving to human resources," she snickers. "We'll see how long she lasts there."
I chuckle at the irony. "Yeah, workplace hookups are a no-no."
"Yeah, don't shit where you eat, y'know?" she says as she presses the microwave button for popcorn.
"What else is happening?"
"Not much. I'm preparing my first contract for a silent partner in a business. Remember the Angel investors I told you about?"
"Yeah. I like the name—Angel."
I'm a nut with events that transpire randomly. When I see certain things, they mean positivity in the outcome—hence, good omens. I'm not talking about stuff related to old wives' tales or astrological charts.
I see things conveying a positive outcome, like Mikael at the hospital when I visited Jared. I believe Jared is going to be okay. Mikael being there was a sign from the universe that we were meant to meet after all.
After so much time spent in the hospital, I developed a habit of walking onto elevators, whether or not they were going in the direction I intended to go.
For instance, during the first month of my treatment, we were in a hospital elevator, and I read the dedication plaque. It had the name of my stepfather’s boss on it. He asked him if he donated it. It turned out his son had spinal meningitis when he was a baby. His son was treated at the hospital and donated the money for the elevator. That is a good omen and in that moment, I believed I would make it. Every time I witness a good omen, it reaffirms I'd have a positive outcome. Luckily, my year of treatments had numerous good omens.
Unfortunately, I don't have any when it comes to finding love.
"Well, it's really cool. It reaffirms my faith in humanity."
"I wonder if I could do that if the loan falls through."
"You need to think positive," she grumbles.
"You're right. I need to think positively." I can’t ditch my sarcasm. It’s easier said than done. Especially when I’m not feeling it. I mean, lots of us get stuck in a negative mindset and it can spiral quickly. The fact of the matter is it’s tough to think happy, positive thoughts when the man you want is with someone else.
Due to my past, I immediately respond to panic whenever things don't go as planned. Take opening a jar of pickles, for instance. If I can't unscrew it, I immediately panic. I don't know why I have little tolerance for things like this other than the fact little things shouldn’t be difficult. A computer that freezes, what the fuck? It’s a machine and it should be perfect. These everyday nuances of stuff that don’t work as expected throw me for a loop.
Big challenges like tests and being there for kids like Jared are what I’m good at. Many people don't handle a health crisis very well. I guess I didn’t have many years of taking my health for granted. And I’ll never forget what I went through. My past is never totally out of my mind. It’s traumatic knowing your life is on the line daily. It's given me an appreciation for every milestone I reach and it's probably why I want to fall in love so desperately. I have yet to check that box. If things go sideways, I want to have experienced it before I die.
Will Mikael ever see me as more than a friend?