Page 81 of Puck
And the dumbest part of the whole thing was . . . I wasn’t entirely sure I was testing him, or myself. Or that I wasn’t actually speaking the truth.
“Cole, honey. You for real?” He shifted sideways so he could look into my face.
“I wasn’t at first, but for some reason, it doesn’t sound too terribly crazy. Does it?”
Puck didn’t answer for a very long time, sipping his Scotch and staring up at the stars. “I’m a wild man, Cole. I don’t know the first fuckin’ thing about kids.”
“You’re not so wild,” I said. “And I don’t know anything about kids either. But . . . why not?”
“Why not doesn’t seem like a valid reason to have kids.”
“I know. But, I’m not saying weshould, just that maybe it’s not a crazy idea, and it’s worth talking about.”
He sighed slowly, heavily. “Between you and me, sweet thing, the idea scares the shit outta me.”
I searched his face. “Why?”
“Because . . . my old man was a piece of shit.”
“But he didn’t raise a piece of shit,” I told him, cupping his face. “You’re an amazing man, Puck. Agoodman. You’ve got some rough edges, but then hell, so do I. So does Layla. And Harris, and Duke, and Thresh, and Lola. Not Temple, but she’s a freak like that.”
He laughed. “Yeah, she’s kind of absurdly perfect, in an annoying way.”
Duke was sitting near us. “She farts in her sleep and doesn’t know the first thing about taking care of herself. She’s as helpless as a kitten by herself. Can’t even boil water. She tried to make me plain ol’ Kraft Mac ’n Cheese once, and nearly burned down the fuckin’ condo.” He grinned at us. “She ain’t perfect. Nobody’s perfect, bro. Not even me, if you’ll believe it.”
“You?Nooooo,” Puck drawled sarcastically. “Why, I’ll bet you shit roses and fart rainbows.”
“Nope, just kittens and puppies.”
I laughed. “Not even mac ’n cheese? For real?”
Duke chortled. “She put all the ingredients in at once, right at the beginning, and then turned on the heat. When it wouldn’t cook right, she put it in the fuckin’ oven, pot and all.”
“And you just watched this happening?” I demanded.
“Hell yeah, I did!” Duke said, laughing. “Also, she told me to shut up and let her do it, even if she was doing it wrong. Hell, I even told her to follow the directions on the damn box.”
Temple came up as Duke was finishing. “Shutup!” she shrieked, whacking his arm. “You arenottelling that story, you colossal dick.”
“It was relevant,” Duke said.
“To what?” Temple demanded.
“To the fact that our boy Puck here is scared to have a kid because he’s worried he ain’t perfect.”
“That’s not—” Puck started.
“Oh my god! You guys are having a baby too?” Temple said it loudly enough that the whole group heard.
I covered my face in embarrassment as everyone turned toward Puck and me, beginning to offer congratulations. “No, no, no. We were just . . . discussing the possibility.”
Temple saw my mortification and looked chagrined. “Oh. Um, shit. Sorry, Colbie.”
I waved her off. “It’s fine. Just a misunderstanding.”
Layla waddled over and plopped down on the chair on our other side, hands over her belly. “Hey, I’m a perpetual fuck-up, and Nick is a grouchy asshole, and all of us do dangerous shit for a living. Yet here I am, fat as a goddamn whale, about to have a kid, and I’m no way ready for this. I wake up at night in a panic, because I’m absolutely certain I’m gonna fuck this kid up.”
Roth, who had Kyrie perched on one leg and Cal on the other, spoke up for the first time. “I was a high-level arms dealer. I ran in a circle with the most dangerous men and women on the planet. My father was a cold, hard, unforgiving, unloving bastard, and my mother was a simpering pet who did whatever she was told.” He kissed Kyrie’s temple, and then Cal’s hair, and Cal reached up and poked at Roth’s eyeball. “Yes, buddy, that’s my eye, thanks,” he chuckled. “I’d say I’m a pretty good father, all things considered. Point is, if I can do this, any of you can do this.”