Page 24 of Provoked

David pressed his lips together as they recommenced walking, annoyed beyond all reason. Not even sure why he was annoyed.

“What do you mean, a man of my station?”

Balfour turned his head to look at him, and David had the disconcerting feeling that Balfour saw everything David was thinking, while Balfour remained entirely opaque to him, hidden in the shadows.

“Well, you don’t come from money, do you?” Balfour said.

“No,” David admitted. “I don’t.”

“I’m guessing that you can’t afford to fail at your profession. You don’t have wealth to fall back on. And you probably don’t have connections with influence. In all likelihood, you’ve had to fight to get to where you are now, and even now, you’re standing on the bottom rung of the ladder. Am I right?”

David swallowed, not liking the feeling of being so sharply observed. “You’re not wrong,” he admitted stiffly.

Balfour smiled. “You look and sound the part, Lauriston, and you’re plainly intelligent. But there are a few clues here and there—in your speech, your dress, your gestures. Most especially those, actually.” He paused. “Marriage to a woman like Elizabeth Chalmers would help you greatly. And it’s well within your reach.”

Stung by Balfour’s thorough assessment, David blurted, “I would never consider it.”

Balfour shrugged. “Well, you should.”

“But I could not love her.”

Balfour regarded him thoughtfully. “Are you a romantic, I wonder,” he said. “Or an idealist?” He canted his head to one side, as though debating the point, then seemed to reach a decision. “Both, possibly.”

“I’m neither. But I imagine most women expect love when they marry. And that is something that I—” He broke off for a moment, then determinedly resumed. “That I, with my unnatural defect, am unable to give.”

Balfour just stared at him. David held himself still under the astonished examination, determined not to squirm, even though he felt like an insect on a pin.

“Yes, definitely an idealist,” Balfour murmured. “Only an idealist could believe most women expect love when they marry. They’re very practical creatures, you know. And as for your talk about unnatural defects, must you speak like some fire-and-brimstone preacher? I suppose you were brought up to believe it’s the worst sin in Christendom?”

He sounded so scathing that heat invaded David’s face. “Yes, I was brought up to believe it’s a sin. Not to mention a crime. It’s not something I’m proud of. Are you?”

Balfour laughed. “Proud of it? I don’t even think about it in those terms. I don’t think the fact I want to stick my cock in the occasional arse is any business of God, the King or anyone else. I’m not harming anyone when I bugger a pretty boy—assuming the pretty boy is of age and willing. And I’m not going to flagellate myself with regret over something that brings me a great deal of pleasure. Does that answer your question?”

“Perfectly.” Face burning, David turned on his heel and began to walk away, mortification crawling over his skin. The man was an unapologetic reprobate and plainly he thought David was a stiff-necked bore.

“Hold up there!” Balfour called after him, laughter still in his deep voice. “Are you offended, Lauriston?”

“Not a bit,” David said tersely.

“Yes, you are. You think I’m an ungodly villain, when the truth is I’m a slave to reason.”

“A slave to reason?” David scoffed.

“Quite so. I’ve never been able to accept that things are a certain way just because someone tells me they are. I don’t believe that fucking a man is a mortal sin. It harms no one, and it brings a great deal of pleasure to me.”

“That must be convenient.”

Balfour laughed again, as though pleased by David’s dry comment. “It is. But it’s also true, I think. I am the sovereign of this.” He gestured to his own body. “And I will do with it what I will.”

“And what about this lady you have your eye on? What if you marry her?”

“What of it?”

“You will be giving yourself to her, and she will be giving herself to you. You won’t be sole sovereign of your body then.”

Balfour frowned and smiled at the same time, a strange combination of expressions that made him look puzzled and good humoured at once. “You’re serious.”

“Yes, I‘m serious,” David replied. “Even if you don’t believe what the Bible says, when you marry, you make promises. Marriage vows.”