Page 19 of Protection for Asher (Safeguarded By The SEAL #4)

Panic etched across her features as the scream intensified. He moved to the bed, keeping his voice calm.

“Hey, it’s me, Squat—Christopher. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

It took her a few minutes to calm down enough to stop screaming. Panic still filled her eyes, and her breathing was erratic.

“It’s okay, Asher. You’re safe.”

She clung to him, pulling him closer. After a moment, she climbed onto his lap and snuggled close. He held her, knowing it would take a long time for her to calm down.

Ten minutes passed before she finally sat up and slid off his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I don’t know what happened.”

“You had a flashback. It’s okay. They happen. How about something to eat?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Your system took a hit. You need to get your blood sugar even and get everything else even.”

She nodded. “Okay. You know better than I would.”

Asher followed Squat downstairs, feeling stupid for reacting so badly to a dream. She moved to the refrigerator and pulled it open, not seeing anything that interested her.

“I’ll make eggs and toast. You’ll get carbs, protein, and fat. You’ll feel better after you eat.”

“Are you sure you have time? I can make it.”

He shook his head and waved her off. “Take a seat and relax.”

“But that’s all I’m doing. Relaxing.”

“No, you're recovering. It takes a lot to recover. Take a seat, drink some water, and I'll get you some food. Then everything will be better.”

She sat, watching him get everything from the refrigerator and start preparing it. Watching him work in the kitchen calmed her. She felt safe in his presence.

“I’ll put some cheese on your eggs.”

“Thank you. You’re doing more than you have to.”

“No, I’m not. I like taking care of you.”

Laughter bubbled up. “You’re funny.”

“What do you mean?”

“You're this big bad SEAL, and you're cooking me eggs.”

He grew serious. “I may be a big bad SEAL, but I'm still just a guy, and I care about you.”

His words made her heart squeeze. He was being nice, that was all. She needed to stop falling for him every time he said something nice to her. He didn’t want a relationship with her. That wasn’t why she was here.

He set a plate in front of her. The eggs looked and smelled delicious. She took a bite and moaned. He sat across from her, his gaze steady as he watched her eat.

“Are you going to watch me?”

He nodded. “Yes. I’m going to watch you eat.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to.”

“Maybe. But I want to.”

“Why?”

Squat shrugged. “I don’t know. I like watching you.”

She set down her fork and narrowed her gaze. “What are you saying?”

Squat worried his lower lip with his teeth and then he shrugged. “We’ve known each other for a long time.”

She nodded. “We have.”

“I don’t want to press, and I don’t want to say anything that would throw you off or upset you, but I think it’s obvious.”

She held her breath, waiting for him to say more. Did he feel something, too? “What is obvious?”

“I've seen it in your eyes, and you've probably seen it in mine.”

She picked up her fork and toyed with the eggs, pushing them around the plate before taking a bite. “Are you saying you’re attracted to me?”

He reached across the table and took her hand.

“I've thought about you for years. I should have done something, like sent you a note or called you.

Something. I took the coward's way out and just ignored the thoughts, sometimes thinking you'd be better off without me.

But yeah, I'm attracted to you. My feelings for you never died.

Sure, we broke up, and we lost touch, but Asher, you've always held a special place in my heart.”

She squeezed his hand, and his words sank in. Could he be for real? “I never stopped thinking about you.”

“I’m not going to press you for more. You need to heal, but maybe if we dated and took things slow…”

She shook her head as laughter slipped out. “I'm living here.”

“True. But that doesn’t mean you owe me anything.

If neither of us was into the other, we would just both live here as friends.

I’ve seen the look in your eyes, and earlier, when you were on my lap, I couldn’t hide how I felt.

I don’t want you surprised later if I say something or do something you weren’t expecting. ”

Her eyebrows bunched together as her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

He thought she looked cute and his lips tipped up in a smile. “If I say something about how attracted I am to you, I don't want to shock you with that admission.”

“Oh.” She took a few more bites, then met his gaze again. “Was it that obvious that I was into you?”

Squat laughed. “Maybe. Was I that obvious?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. I feel off, and I'm not good at reading cues right now.”

“Well, I’m glad you know how I feel about you. I like you a lot. I want to give us a chance. If you decide you don’t want to be with me, it’s cool. You can still live here.”

Her nose wrinkled. “Would that be weird?”

“Maybe, but I won’t kick you out. We can make it work. You’re a friend first. You’ll always be my friend no matter what.”

She drew in a deep breath and let it go slowly. “You always were a good guy. When we were kids, well, eighteen, and broke up, you were so freaking classy about it. You knew how to not make it a big deal. Other high school couples ended up hating each other and I never felt that way about you.”

He took her hand. “You were a big part of how smoothly it went. You were cool about it, too.”

“I tried to be. I’m glad we found each other again.”

He nodded. “I’m glad I found you.”

Her throat closed with emotions and she didn’t want to cry again so she got up and rinsed her plate. It looked like he was going to tell her she didn’t have to clean her plate, but she shook her head. “You have to let me start taking care of something.”

“I know. I just like doing things for you.”

“I’m sure there will be plenty of times we both get to do things for each other.”

He raised his hands. “Okay.”

She finished rinsing the plates and loading them into the dishwasher. “How about a walk and then we could watch a movie?”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

Hanging out with Squat was comfortable and fun. He made everything seem easier. Sitting beside him on the couch while they watched the movie felt right.

It was almost time for bed, but they still hadn't kissed. Would he kiss her? She didn't want to make the first move, but she wanted to kiss him.

She yawned for the third time, and Squat shut off the TV. He pulled her up. “We should get some sleep.”

She nodded, already missing the warmth of having him close. “Yeah, I’m tired.”

His hand was on her waist, and she glanced up, seeing desire swirling in his eyes. Stepping back and going up to bed was what she knew she should do. Instead, she leaned in and brushed her lips over his.

Squat froze as desire fired through him. All day, she'd been close, and he'd kept his desire under control, but as day turned to night, lust took over. He should have stepped away and stopped before something happened because Asher was in no condition to take this deeper.

When she pressed her lips against his a second time, he nearly lost it.

This time, he returned the kiss, drinking in the feel of her body against his.

She was skinny from her time in captivity, but her breasts pressing against him felt amazing.

He wanted to lift her shirt and feel her nipples against the palms of his hand as he cupped her breasts.

He wanted to touch and taste her, learn how she responded to him.

She moved even closer and brushed against his cock. Desire exploded through him. Air seemed almost impossible to take in as her fingers grazed the waistband of his pants. He was going to explode if she kept this up.

Asher loved being kissed by Squat. The way his lips were firm but not punishing turned her on.

When his tongue swiped at her lips, she opened.

The hint of a memory of kissing him from before hit and lust swirled deeper.

Of course, they'd fooled around when they'd been teens, but now she was experienced, and it would be different.

Panic hit as a memory surfaced. Revulsion rolled through her, but she pushed it away. She wasn't there. She was here in California. Christopher had his arms wrapped around her. He was the one lover she'd never fully gotten over. He was safe.

His hands on her waist brought her back to reality. Then he had one hand in her hair, holding her closer. She knew what was next, dropping to her knees and presenting her mouth for his pleasure. Panic swept over her.

Did she want Squat because she wanted him, or was this the training? Was she about to drop to her knees because she wanted to show this man how much she cared, or was fear of punishment the driving factor? She didn't know.

Squat wasn't kissing her. It had ended awkwardly, and it was her fault. Fear hit, and she had to turn away from him.

“Sorry.”

Then he was in front of her, not touching but still holding her attention. “No, that was my fault. I knew you weren’t ready.

She shook her head, wanting to get across her thoughts.

“I wanted you. I wanted you, okay. But then I didn't know if I wanted you or if it was conditioning. They forced us to—” A sob wrenched from her mouth, and she tried to turn away, but his arms were around her, holding her loosely as he said comforting words.

It was all a swirl in her mind. She wanted him.

She really did, but they'd used pain and humiliation to control her, forcing her to do things she hadn't wanted to do.

Now, she didn't know what came from her own internal desires or what was a result of them programming her.

A sob escaped her lips. “I’m sorry.”

“You do not have to apologize. I should because I pushed you.”

She shook her head against his chest. “I just don’t know what are my thoughts and what they programmed me to do.”

He kissed the side of her head. “Asher, it’s going to take time. We can do slow. We can stay just friends with no pressure?—”

She pulled back and met his gaze. “No. I need you. I want you. I just need a clear head, and doing this, kissing you and you touching me, I just got scared.”

He held her face in his hands. “We are going to slow this down. And that's okay. I want you to know what's in your mind and not question your desire. I care about you. I want you to have peace. If that means we go really slow, then we go really slow. I can wait.”

His words made her feel like he cared. She didn’t want to be a cock tease, and she wasn’t trying to be. She really wanted to be with him, but everything seemed too much. Dealing with all the pressures was too much for her. Slowing down would give her time to get her mind straight.

“I wonder how long it will take for me to feel normal again.”

“You may not ever feel normal like you did before. Your life has changed, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t find a space where you feel good about what’s going on around you. And I want to be part of that.”

She nodded. “I want you to be a part of my healing and a part of my life.”

“I'd like that.” He kissed her on the forehead and then took her hand. “You were tired before we started. You must be exhausted now.”

She yawned and stretched. “I am. I need sleep.”

His smile warmed her. “Let’s get you upstairs and into bed.”

After brushing her teeth, she stepped out and found Squat in the hallway beside her bedroom door. He opened his arms, and she walked into them.

“Get a good night’s sleep.”

She squeezed him around the waist and stepped back so she didn't pull him closer. “Thank you. I think I will sleep well tonight.”

Squat took another step away from her so he didn't pull her to him.

They were both on the edge, teetering toward lust. It wouldn't take much to get him to say yes to sex, though he was committed to waiting.

Letting Asher have time to adjust to them being together would benefit them both in the long run.

Once downstairs, he grabbed his computer and moved to the couch, wondering if he should pull up some porn and jack off. He didn't need porn, though. Just thinking of Asher was enough to get him going.

His email dinged with a message before he could open a browser.

He groaned and clicked on his email, seeing a note from his command structure telling them they would probably be heading out in the next week.

He closed his eyes, shaking his head. It was bad timing but not the worst. It would really suck if they were sent out now.

At least he didn't have to wake Asher up to tell her he was leaving.

She would probably hate him being gone, but it couldn't be helped.