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PROLOGUE

Smash!

The bottle landed against the wall with a satisfying crash, glass falling on the floor.

Hmm. He should clean that up.

Why? There’s only you here in this huge house.

A house that Barren had spent the last twenty years living in with his wife. Only, she wasn’t his wife anymore. He glanced down at the divorce papers on the coffee table. It was official. They were divorced. He was single.

And that fucking scared him.

Was he going to spend the rest of his life alone? He’d been married to Krystal for twenty years. Did he know how to be on his own anymore?

You’ve been on your own these last ten months since she left you.

Yeah, but a part of him had hoped she would change her mind. That she’d decide that her new, younger man wasn’t right for her and come back to him. He let out a sour laugh. That wasn’t happening. Krystal was gone and his life was falling apart.

Barren glared over toward the front door as someone knocked on it. Who could that be?

Maybe it’s Krystal.

Fuck. What if it was?

He was sitting here on his own, a complete and utter mess. He’d drunk half a bottle of vodka and now moved onto beer. The world definitely tilted as he got to his feet.

Don’t open the door. You can’t let her see you like this. You haven’t showered in days.

Go to her. Beg her to come back to you. You can’t survive on your own.

Fuck.

Opening the door, he stared blurrily at the person standing there. “You’re not Krystal.”

“Nope, I’m not,” replied Eliot grimly. “And you’re a mess. Why didn’t you call me?”

“Was I supposed to?” He didn’t remember that.

Eliot sighed. “Yes, you idiot. When you need me, you’re supposed to call and tell me.”

“I don’t need you.” What was he talking about?

“You don’t?” Eliot asked. “So you’re fine?”

“You got it.” Barren tried to smile, but he wasn’t sure he succeeded. “So, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you at home with your Littles?” Eliot had two Littles, Isla and Marcus. The lucky bastard. Not that he was jealous or anything.

Sure you aren’t. You’re not jealous over the fact that he has two Littles and you have none.

And now you sound bitter.

Eliot deserved to be happy after losing his wife, Anna. They’d been so in love and Barren hadn’t expected his friend to ever find someone else. Let alone two people to love.

“Because I came here to check on you. Melly called and said that the divorce papers came through. And you’ve stopped answering your phone.”

“Melly should mind her own business. I’m her boss, not her friend.”

“Melly cares about you,” Eliot said firmly. “And I dare you to say that to her face.”

Yeah, he wouldn’t be doing that. Melly scared him. “I told you that I’m fine.” He was getting sick of saying it, if he was honest.

“Walk in a straight line and I’ll believe you.”

Barren spun around to do just that. And found the floor coming toward him. How the hell had the floor moved like that?

Suddenly, Eliot wrapped an arm around him, holding him up.

“Shit,” he muttered.

“Yep,” Eliot agreed.

“I’m in a bad way.”

“You are. But I’m here now. Let’s get some coffee into you and then tomorrow we can have a chat about what comes next.”

Fun. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do. Yet he knew Eliot was right. He couldn’t continue to drown his sorrows in vodka and beer.

Something had to change.

“What the hell was I thinking?” Barren moaned the next morning as he sat at the kitchen table. His head was thumping and he felt queasy. The smell of food cooking wasn’t helping. Nor was Eliot’s cheerful whistling. He loved the guy, but he needed to shut up.

Now.

Eliot placed a plate of toast in front of him along with a cup of coffee.

Barren took the coffee gratefully. The toast could wait until he knew it wasn’t going to come back up.

“You’re hurting,” Eliot told him. “I get it. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

And now he felt like a complete asshole. Because Eliot’s wife had died. She hadn’t left him for a twenty-something nightclub DJ.

God.

How was this his life?

“I’m sorry,” he told Eliot.

“Why?” Eliot sat across from him with his own cup of coffee.

“For acting like an idiot and causing Melly to get so worried that she called you. Did you bring Isla and Marcus?” He hadn’t met Eliot’s new boyfriend and girlfriend. It was still hard to wrap his head around Eliot being with a man and a woman.

Two Littles.

Lucky bastard.

“Nope. They’re back home.”

“You left them alone?” He raised his eyebrows. He couldn’t imagine ever leaving his Little alone. He had the feeling he’d be so possessive and overprotective that they’d rarely be allowed out of his gaze.

And you’d probably cause them to run from you. Just like Krystal.

He winced as he recalled her yelling at him that he was too controlling.

You have to change.

“They’ll be all right for a couple of days. Marcus is busy at work, and I didn’t want to uproot him. Besides, you need my attention right now. They understand. They know you’re important to me. You can’t keep going like this, Barren.”

Barren rubbed his temple. God, the inside of his mouth was as dry as the desert. “I know,” Barren said. “I just needed to break down for a while. I spent so much of my life with Krystal and now it feels like all of those years were a waste. She said she didn’t love me. That she wasn’t sure she ever had loved me, and she only stayed with me because of my money.”

“That bitch,” Eliot said, making Barren raise his eyebrows.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Eliot call a woman a bitch.

“I’m just speaking the truth. She is a bitch to tell you that. And I don’t think it’s true, anyway. She did love you. She was just trying to hurt you.”

Well, she’d been successful.

“Is it all over for me?” he asked Eliot quietly.

Eliot leaned forward. “Of course it’s not over.”

“I have no one. What am I supposed to do now? Who am I without her?”

“You pick yourself up and you find yourself some happiness. Your life isn’t over. You have to figure out who you are without Krystal. And you never know, you might like that person better.”

Maybe. He didn’t like who he was right now. “I’m too old to start over.”

“Bullshit. Look at me. I never thought I’d find someone after Anna’s death and now I’ve got two amazing people waiting at home for me and probably getting up to way too much mischief. There is someone else out there for you.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how to even find them.” He felt so lost. How did people even date now? Through apps and websites? God. He wasn’t going to do that.

“You could go to Rawhide Ranch.”

Barren raised his gaze to his friend. “Go to Rawhide Ranch? The place you liked to go with Anna?”

Eliot and Anna used to visit Rawhide Ranch regularly. It was a kink-friendly ranch in Montana that provided a safe haven for submissives and Littles to be themselves. Or that’s how Eliot had explained it. It was also where Eliot had met Isla and Marcus.

Did he really think that Barren could find someone there? Krystal had always refused to go there, even though she was a submissive. Or she had pretended to be in the beginning of their relationship. It had been years since they’d played. How had he been so blind?

“You know that Anna loved Rawhide Ranch. It’s also where I met Marcus and Isla. Sometimes, I think she sent them to me.”

“Really? You think it was fate?” he asked, shocked.

Eliot shrugged. “Maybe? I don’t know. I just know I thought I would never be happy again after Anna died. That she was the only person I could ever love. I still love her. But I love them too. A visit to Rawhide could be good for you. Would you want a relationship with a Little?”

“I don’t know. I don’t feel like I’d be a good Daddy right now.”

“Perhaps they’d give you a reason to find your Daddy again. Also, eat your toast.”

Barren ran his hand over his face. He wasn’t a person who liked to talk about his feelings or his needs. What he liked most was to take care of other people, not have them look after him.

“I’m not one of your Littles,” he warned.

Eliot just raised his eyebrows, looking unperturbed. “Seems like you could use someone to take care of you.”

Fuck.

The last thing he needed was Daddy Eliot hovering around him. Perhaps it was time to figure out who he was without Krystal. But did he really need to go somewhere to do that?

“Rawhide Ranch could help you find yourself.”

Barren snorted. “Find myself?”

“There’s something healing about being there. About being surrounded by people who are supportive. Who care about each other. Just think about it.”

Sure. He’d think about it.