AUDREY
“ W hen are you leaving?” River corners me as I’m leaving the kitchen with a pitcher of iced tea. I was bringing it outside with some cups, since everyone’s been swimming all day. I’m grateful there’s shade over the back porch and half of the pool, or we’d all be sunburnt at this point.
I dab at my brow, overheating at my age comes quick and, in a flash, it seems. I understand my oldest son wants his family out of his hair so he can bond with Gavin and the others, but it’s not going to work like that.
We’re here to visit, and I don’t plan to pack up right after we’ve just landed to leave him to whatever he plans to get up to.
I’m so burnt out from everything. The divorce, work, River causing trouble, the fights, and the strained silences with John.
I need this time as much as the kids do.
“Seriously, River? We just got here, and you already want me to leave you here? Are you sure this is what you truly want? It’s not too late, I can call the dean and get you on the next flight to the university.”
“I don’t belong there, I told you. I’m not like those uppity assholes.”
“And you belong here?”
“Yes!” He claims, loudly, making me glance out the window to check on the younger kids. “This is more a part of me than your world ever could be.”
With a huff, I shake my head. “How? My world is the same one you grew up in. You’ve spent your entire life being in that world.”
“No, Mom. I look in the mirror and I don’t see you or John. I see my father.”
Another thing that happened when John told the children about their true paternity is that River became determined to call him ‘John’ rather than ‘Dad’ and distanced himself immediately.
It blew up into this massive fight of the wills, and their relationship hasn’t been the same since.
I don’t think it ever will be, and I’m sorry our marital decisions have had such an enormous impact on my children’s lives.
It was not my intention to make things harder on them, but John chose to act like an errant child seeking attention.
Well, he got it, but I don’t think it was what he had in mind.
The situation has seriously confused Lincoln.
He doesn’t know what to call John at this point, and Piper likes to act like none of it is happening at all.
She’s my spoiled princess, but it’s okay; she’s been going through a lot the past few years with this ugly divorce.
If I as her age, I’d probably want to pretend like nothing was happening, too.
“Can we just enjoy ourselves for a little while? I’m staying for longer this visit. I have to fly up to get Hazel, but I do plan to return after that as well.”
“What? Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m going to take some time off work, it’s time. I also want to have another baby before Hazel gets any older.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. You’re old, and another kid? Because fucking four of us up wasn’t enough for you already, you have to add a fifth?”
“Shut your fucking mouth, boy!” Is thundered through the house, following the slam of a door so harsh it has my spine straightening, wondering if it’s broken. Gavin has heard too much of this conversation, and as my gaze flies to his, I find him absolutely furious.
He storms in our direction, suddenly seemingly bigger than before, intimidating, and every bit the President of a motorcycle club.
He doesn’t frighten me, I know he would never hurt us, so I take his anger for what it truly is.
Disappointment. River, however, is not used to a dominant man like Gavin and is in for a wake-up call.
His so-called father and the man who helped create him are opposites.
Gavin practically growls, his deep voice laced with a threatening tone, “You think I’d allow you to stay here if you’re going to disrespect women?
Not just any woman, either, the most important one you have in your life right now.
You gonna speak to your future wife like that, too?
Cause let me tell you, son , I’ll knock your fucking teeth out if you think I’ll tolerate a goddamn heathen wearing my patch, claiming my blood, treating women like shit.
That doesn’t happen here, ever. You hear me? ”
River swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he shrinks back.
He finally sees Gavin for the powerful man he is.
He’s not like the other men he’s used to being around, always quietly taking care of things with a bank account or throwing immature fits over assets.
Gavin is a man’s man, one who will have my son’s head spinning with the reality check he’s going to receive by living here.
“Yes, sir. It won’t happen again, I swear it. ”
“Apologize to your momma, and be grateful she loves you more than life itself. I’ll only say this once, so listen well.
You have the best momma out there, kid. Never doubt her and the shit she does for you.
You have no fuckin’ clue how lucky you truly are.
Some of us didn’t have anyone nagging us growing up, some of us didn’t have anyone who actually gave a shit, and some of us never got the love we all needed to make us a bit softer.
It’s a lonely life growing up without a mom, you have the envy of too many children and adults out there, don’t fucking waste a precious gift by being stupid. ”
“Mom,” River sputters out, blinking faster and seemingly at a loss for words. He’s been acting all big and bad since his recent birthday, where he turned eighteen, but suddenly he’s seeming more like my lost little boy again. “You know I didn’t mean it like that; it came out wrong.”
“Say you’re sorry, River,” Gavin demands, his tone brokering no room for argument. “I will not repeat myself.”
“I’m sorry, Mom, I love you. I’m sorry.”
“Love you too, Riv.” I go to him, wrapping my arms around his waist since he towers over me now, just like his father.
The biological bad boy biker, not his pretend father.
I’ve started calling him the pretend father because there was never any legal adoption, just my asshole ex’s name on the birth certificate.
He was all in back then, before I became more successful than him, and his entire outlook towards me changed.
What is it with men being salty over a woman who makes more money than them?
Gavin nods his approval, lightly smacking River on the back and squeezing his shoulder. “Glad you’re home, bud.”
He then grabs the pitcher of tea from the counter. “I got this, little momma, we heading out back?” His other hand was already loaded with a stack of large Tupperware-type dishes.
“Thank you. What else did you bring?” I ask as I head for the sliding glass door, opening it for him.
“I threw together a quick pasta salad when I was grabbing the meat. Also brought the parfait I made for the cookout we’re having. I can make another, I have time.”
“You threw together…” I’m speechless at this man’s capability.
He seems to be able to do everything, and I learn more with each visit.
I suppose it’s why he’s the president of their motorcycle club and runs this ranch, making it all look easy.
I’ve met many men in the business world, and they can’t tell their employees apart, let alone mix up a pasta salad for dinner and get my son’s head on straight.
“Stick this in the fridge for right now,” He hands two of the dishes to River, while setting the other containers of meat next to the grill. “Hey, brats! Come give this old man a hug!” He yells at Piper and Lincoln, making them hurry out of the pool.
He fires up the grill and is quickly swarmed by dripping kids, squeezing him tightly.
I was worried about how his relationship would be with them at first, but it was all for nothing.
Watching them interact with each visit we make, it’s hard to imagine why Gavin would choose to be a sperm donor and not a family man.
He is wonderful with my children. Even knows how to handle my moody eighteen-year-old who never listens to anyone anymore.
Once my son and daughter release him from the group hug, he yanks my daughter to his chest. Squeezing her tightly and says, “Piper, you’re as pretty as your momma, and I’m so proud of you for winning that hacking competition.”
“It was a cybersecurity challenge they were issued in their computer course,” I mutter.
He sends her a wink as he releases her, bumping his fist with hers.
“Keep it up. You’ll be underestimated in life, and they’ll never see you coming with how smart you are.
” She’s beaming, positively glowing after his compliment, and it makes my heart sing to witness her get a touch of approval she silently craves from a father figure.
He grabs Lincoln next, spinning him around, making my little boy scream and giggle in delight. “You need to stop growing! And these guns, Jesus, you've been lifting weights since I saw you last?” He asks, and Lincoln immediately begins flexing his muscles once his feet are back on the ground.
“It’s the football. Mommy finally let me play, so I’m kind of buff now.”
Gavin roars with laughter, thoroughly amused. I smile widely, forgetting he’s not used to being around kids all the time and hearing the silly stuff they come up with. “It’s working for you, little dude. And the spelling test? Last one of the year, it was the important one, right?”
Lincoln nods, his tiny body going straight as a pin as he confidently says, “I came in second place, won a blue ribbon. I held the door open for the judges, too.”
“So proud of you,” Gavin nods, rubbing his hand over the top of Lincoln’s head, messing up his hair affectionately.
“Smart as a whip, just like your big sister. I can’t wait to see what you’ll accomplish next year.
Now, I think it’s time for a cannonball !
” He yells the word and takes off in a run for the pool.
He yanks his shirt off and then jumps in, making a ridiculously large splash.
The kids copy him, yelling and jumping in.
This is what they’ve been missing the entire time I was married.
A man who isn’t scared to play with them.
Who will remember the things important to each of them and make them feel valued.
John was always good at looking at the report cards and handing out cash as a reward, but he never truly noticed or paid attention to the day-to-day assignments or the projects that interested my kids.
After tossing each kid in the deep end of the pool a few times, he’s back at the grill, checking the temperature. River jumps in the pool, having swim competitions with his siblings, allowing them to randomly win.
Maybe the ranch is good for him. However, I still worry he’s messing things up by not going to college right away. I don’t want him to look back and realize he’s made a mistake by waiting.
“I told the kids about the snakes. Of course, the boys want to go see them, but they’ve promised me they won’t go out there without you.”
“Shit, didn’t think about that,” Gavin mutters.
More to himself than me, and I quietly laugh.
With us staying longer this trip, he’s going to learn even more about what it’s like to have curious kids around all the time.
I hope he’s as ready as he claims. He’s never given me a reason to doubt his word before, so I won’t start now.