Page 20 of Promise Me, Katie (Bennett Sisters #1)

“Me too,” Matthew said. “Those times you drank, did it help?”

“No.” Katherine frowned, looking down at the table before taking another swallow and locking eyes with Matthew. “But I wasn’t drinking because I was sad about Max. I was drinking because I was looking for a way to escape the pain of losing my baby.”

Matthew’s brows wrinkled in confusion. “Your baby?”

“My daughter... she was with Max on the night of the fire.”

Though Katherine said the words without hesitation, she could feel their weight pressing down on her.

“I’m sorry, Katie. I had no idea.”

With one blink, tears of deep-rooted anguish streamed down Katherine’s face. “She was only six months old.”

As her voice strained to produce sound, Matthew reached out to hold Katherine’s hand, and this time, she didn’t pull away.

“I wasn’t home when it happened. At the time, I was touring schools in Seattle, convinced I needed a culinary arts degree to be taken seriously.

” Katherine paused as her lip quivered. “In a rare show of support from Max, he agreed to look after Addy while I was gone. That was her name, Addison Rebecca Chandler.”

Katherine’s lip quivered again, and it pained Matthew to see her go on, but he didn’t dare stop her.

“Max was supposed to be home that weekend, but instead, he went to his parents’ house while they were out of town. Looking back, I should’ve known something wasn’t right because he pushed so hard to make sure I’d be away that weekend. He said everything would be okay, and I believed him.”

Katherine looked for something she could use to wipe her eyes, but Matthew was one step ahead of her, and she thanked him for his kindness.

“Based on witness statements, Max came out of his parents’ house with a woman and was headed back inside when they got into an argument on the front lawn.”

Matthew listened, wondering if Katherine knew who the woman was.

“Eventually, he convinced her to leave, and since it was dark and no one knew her, she was never identified. Which, I’m sure, was part of her appeal for Max.

He always liked secrets and sneaking around.

Anyway, he must’ve thought he could get her out of sight and still have time to go back inside for Addy.

But he lost precious time, and the fire burned too hot and too fast. I was told the official report said that Max most likely lost his way in the smoke, then got trapped by the flames.

And even though the fire department made it in time to get Addy out, when they got her to the hospital, she didn’t make it.

The heat and smoke were too much for her little body to take. ”

Katherine paused as her words broke on a sob.

“I didn’t actually read the report myself. I just couldn’t. But I always suspected there was something more to the story. Whether it was because they couldn’t tell me or simply wouldn’t, I don’t know.”

“Oh, Katie.” Matthew shook his head in disbelief. “I’m so sorry you lost Addison.”

At the mention of her baby’s name, something in Katherine shifted and her expression turned to stone as she wiped tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand even though the tissue was still balled up in her fist. Then she took another long drink from her glass.

Suspecting that she was quietly building a wall between his words and her heart, Matthew knew he couldn’t let that happen.He sensed there was more pain that she needed to get out.

Getting up, he came around the table, pulled her up from the chair, stood her in front of him, and held her face in his hands, locking his gaze with hers.

“I have no doubt that you were a wonderful mother,” Matthew said before pulling her into his arms.“After everything you did for us today, I see your heart so clearly now.”

With her head pressed against his broad chest and their arms wrapped firmly around one another, Katherine’s walls crumbled, and she started to sob in soul-shattering anguish.

“That’s where you’re wrong. I was a terrible mother. I left my baby when she needed me the most because I thought she was little enough that it wouldn’t matter. That she wouldn’t remember it anyway. But I failed her, Matthew. I failed my Addy. And for that, I can never forgive myself.”

As her body trembled with emotion, Matthew held on even tighter, wishing he could make the pain go away. “You really do know what a broken heart feels like, don’t you?”

Holding her tighter, he ran his hands along the length of her back as she cried. The warmth of his touch and the kindness from his heart gave her a feeling she’d long forgotten was possible.

“I’m glad we’re friends,” he finally said. “Because we’re going to help each other get through these heartbreaks. I’ll be there for you just like you’ve been here for me. And we’ll get through this together, I promise.”

Still shuddering from each ragged breath, Katherine realized how safe she felt in Matthew’s arms. And she wished she could do for him what he was doing for her now.

“I’m sorry for being such a burden,” she hiccupped. “I know you don’t need this right now.”

“You’re not a burden, and you don’t need to apologize,” Matthew said, reaching for her drink. “Here… take a sip.”

Katherine hiccupped again before lifting the glass to her lips. When she was done, Matthew sat down and pulled her into his lap, pressing her against his body and wrapping his arms around her waist. Quietly, he held her there until her sobs eased into more even breaths.

It took time, but Matthew didn’t mind. It felt good to finally hold her and know he was able to help.

“Thank you for trusting me.”

“Mm-hmm…” she murmured, slightly tipsy, and boldly running her hand over Matthew’s shoulder, down his bicep to his elbow and back again. Repeating the same path until she was completely calm.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything,” she practically purred, snuggling even closer, enjoying how good it felt to be held.

“Why me? Why now?”

Pulling away, Katherine looked into Matthew’s eyes and found herself mesmerized by tiny flecks of amber she’d never noticed before.

“I don’t understand.”

“All this time, I wasn’t sure you even liked me, let alone trusted me.”

Katherine thought about how she’d acted that night at the diner and all the Friday nights they’d been at Grief Group together. Then she remembered feeling like he wouldn’t let himself be happy around her.

“Well, I didn’t think you liked me after you joined Grief Group,” she said, sinking back into the comforting warmth of his chest. Between the whisky and this wonderful-smelling man, Katherine was losing herself in the euphoria of being in his arms. “And for the record, I did like you. I’ve always liked you. ”

Matthew chuckled. “I’ve always liked you too.”

“Wait…” Katherine’s head snapped to attention as she remembered that the night at the diner, Matthew was still married to Julia. “We can’t do this.”

She tried to pull away, but Matthew stopped her.

“Don’t leave.”

“I wasn’t leaving. I just need to get off your lap.”

“Why?”

Katherine’s gaze fell to the floor. Her stomach twisted, and for a brief moment, she thought she’d be sick. She couldn’t possibly explain to Matthew the guilt she was feeling.

“Tell me why you don’t want me to hold you anymore.”

Then Matthew waited. He wasn’t about to let her escape, even to her own chair, without an explanation.

“Katie…” he said gently. “What just happened? Please tell me why you can’t sit with me. Don’t you like it when we hold each other?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Tears brightened Matthew’s eyes, and his voice wavered with frustration. “Don’t you think this has been confusing for me too?”

“I’m sorry. That’s not what I want.”

“I know. And again, you don’t need to apologize. I feel conflicted about it, too,” he admitted. “But there are some things you don’t know about Julia and me.”

“Then tell me,” she pleaded, getting to her feet. “Help me to understand all of this without feeling like I’m the worst person ever.”

Matthew’s courage faltered. He’d never told anyone what he knew about Julia and what was going on in her life. Secrets he’d kept locked away without even her ever knowing that he’d kept them.

“Julia didn’t love me because she loved someone else,” he began. “At least, I assume that she loved him because she sure as hell didn’t lovemeanymore.”

“There was someone else in her life?” Katherine looked disgusted. “But you’re a great guy. And Libby’s so wonderful. Julia wouldn’t throw that away for someone else. Would she?”

“Come on, Katie, you said yourself you heard the way she talked to me. You think that’s how a woman should treat her man?”

Matthew reached for Katherine’s drink and polished off the rest of it before reaching for his own. Looking into his glass, he stared at the liquid as a pained smirk lifted the corner of his mouth.

“Funny how this stuff can make you say things. Things you promised yourself you’d never share with another living soul.”

Stopping him before he emptied the glass, Katherine sat back down and urged Matthew to keep talking.

“Julia was having an affair.”

“And you’re sure about that?” she asked, even though she knew by the look on his face that it must be true. “Did you know who he was?”

“Grant Adams. They worked together. After they started seeing each other, he got offered a job here, and then shortly after, so did she.”

“It’s okay,” Katherine consoled Matthew when he stopped to steady himself. He looked as sick as she felt. “It hurts most of all to hear it from your own mouth. But I promise it’ll feel better after you get it out. Maybe not right away, but eventually.”

“That’s good to know,” Matthew said, searching his mind for where to begin.

“Accepting the job at WDSG was a major step down from where Julia’s career might’ve gone if she hadn’t left the television station she was working at in Seattle.

But she took the job to be with him. He moved first, and then she followed.

Well, I guess you could say we followed. Julia, Libby, and me.”

Bits and pieces from news reports about the accident were starting to meld together in Katherine’s mind as Matthew spoke.

“Honestly, and this will probably sound really wrong, but I was okay with it.”

“You were okay with your wife chasing after another man?”

“Of course, I wasn’t okay with that part. And I damn sure wasn’t okay with her having sex with him.”

When Katherine looked confused, Matthew took a breath and tried again.

“What I meant to say is I wasn’t okay with it at first. At first, I was mad as hell.

Believe me, more than anything, I wanted her to break things off with him, and then I wanted to break his damn jaw.

I even considered confronting them at her job.

I thought if I told them I knew what was happening, she would end things with him.

But I decided to wait and see what she was really up to.

I couldn’t just act and not have all the facts.

So, I waited to see if it was a one-time thing or if she wanted a future with the guy. ”

“So, you could’ve forgiven her for cheating?”

“At the time, I think I could’ve. It wouldn’t have been easy, but marriage is a commitment you’re supposed to keep. In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.”

Katherine understood. The vows she made before God and her family were a big part of why she’d put up with Max’s games for so long.

“By the time I realized she was in it with for the long haul, it didn’t hurt as bad, so I decided that whatever their plans were, it wouldn’t include leaving me out of Libby’s life. He could take my wife—hell, he already had—but I wouldn’t let him take my little girl, too.”

“Do you know how long they were together?”

“Over a year.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s awful!”

“Yeah, I know. It was pretty bad. But the day she told me she wanted to move to Windsong was the day I decided to keep the charade going. I thought if we moved together, I could get a house, get settled into a new job, and still be close to Libby when Julia decided to come clean about her and Grant. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure she’d take Libby with her.

And then, with him being a station manager, I figured he’d have a bigger and better house than this, so when she left, she wouldn’t care too much about walking away from our house. ”

“Wait a minute…” Realization hit Katherine like a bolt of lightning. “Do you mean the guy in the news van?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, wow. I remember now. All the reports said that the station manager and a female reporter were the only casualties. I wondered why there was no mention of a cameraman. They must’ve wanted to be alone.”

When his expression fell, she regretted being so insensitive.

“Oh, Matthew, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“It’s okay. It was a bad situation, and I hate how it ended.

But more than anything, I’m worried about Libby now.

Because no matter how much I try to protect her from the truth, it’s out there.

And what if she finds out one day? How will she feel knowing all of that after growing up without her mother? ”

Katherine shuddered at the thought of life without her own loving mother.

“When I saw you on the porch this morning, I thought your sadness was about losing your wife.”

“I am sad about it, but not like that. I lost her a long time ago,” Matthew said, then searched Katherine’s face. “You don’t think I’m still in love with her, do you?”

“I wasn’t sure.” Katherine shrugged. “But I also didn’t know about Julia and Grant’s affair.”

Matthew sighed in frustration. “Of course, I loved her. We grew up together, then dated all through high school before we got married. But once I saw how much she’d changed, my feelings about her changed, too.

She wasn’t the person I knew, and she definitely wasn’t the person I fell in love with and married.

So, no, I’m not still in love with Julia because I wasn’t in love with Julia long before you and I met. ”

“Will you stay in Windsong?”

“Why wouldn’t we? This is our home now.”

Katherine looked uncertain but managed to put on a weak smile.

“Katie, I promise we’re not leaving,” Matthew said, reaching for her hand. “Unless you decide to stop cooking for me.”

Katherine’s weak smile turned into a laugh. “If you think you’re going to tease me and get away with it, it might be time to get rid of the liquid courage.”

Matthew reached for his drink, but Katherine was faster, scooping up both glasses and taking them to the sink.

“Trust me, I have something I think you’ll like even better.”