Page 9

He lowered himself into the chair my brother had vacated. He was rigid, his back not touching the cushion, his arms at his sides initially but then moving to the table before him. He stared at his hands as they came together, his eyes lingering before he looked at me.

I couldn’t determine his mood—if he was angry at me and here to admonish a wrongdoing, or if he was here to deliver bad news. “What is it?”

His eyes flicked away for a moment, his face guilty for making me worry. “Khazmuda and I just had a long conversation.” Confidence returned to his body, and he looked at me once again. “You don’t want the crown—and think I won’t want you either because of that fact.”

Zehemoth .

He continued to stare at me, his eyes hard like he was angry.

My breathing escalated, feeling the sting of betrayal and the discomfort of my father’s wrath.

He stared at me for a long time, so focused he didn’t need to blink, looking at me like an enemy across the table rather than his own flesh and blood. “Is that true?”

This was exactly why I never would have mentioned it to him. Because he would get wounded and angry like this. “Yes…”

A flash of hesitation moved across his face, as if he didn’t expect me to admit it. As if Khazmuda had misinterpreted Zehemoth’s message. As if this was all some kind of misunderstanding. After a beat, his eyes narrowed in pain, his anger dropped. “I don’t understand, Zunieth .”

It was easier to tolerate his anger instead of his pain. Now I felt horrible. “Ever since I can remember, it’s been fishing and sailing and fighting and history and dragon-riding. You always said you were training me to take the crown, but not once did you ask if I even wanted it.”

His shoulders moved to the back of the chair, and he stared.

“We sailed through storms when I was a child. Had me fight you with sword and shield when I was younger than Hawk is now. Recruited me to this intense, all-consuming regime without ever asking if I even wanted it.”

He remained silent, hanging on every word, his expression stiff and hard like he was forcing his emotions back.

“But I kept up with it because…” My eyes flicked away. “Because if I told you the truth, we would never spend time together. You would put all your focus on Hawk and mold him into the man you want him to be. I would be forgotten.”

His only reaction was a deep breath, a painful one.

“You’ve never once asked me what I want…what I care about…because you don’t care.”

He sank farther into the chair, an elbow moving to the armrest as his fingers rested against his lips. His eyes shifted elsewhere, and he seemed to shut me out momentarily.

“I live for your approval and your love and your pride, so I never would have said anything. Nothing is worth the loss of that. But it looks like Zehemoth has made that decision without my consent.”

My father continued to stare elsewhere, focusing on the wall behind me as he listened to me speak, his fingers still eclipsing his lips.

I had nothing more to say, so I stayed quiet.

Minutes of silence passed, heavy like rain clouds, a storm swirling around us both.

He finally dropped his hand and shifted his gaze to the table.

“You’re right. I’ve never asked what you wanted, Lily.

I just assumed that you would want to be the first queen to take the throne, an option that has been denied to so many women before you.

” Disapproval and disappointment were heavy in his voice.

He couldn’t mask it. “I thought having a father who wanted more for you than marriage and children would make you proud.”

“That’s not what I said?—”

“I thought having a father who raised his daughter as a son is what you would want.”

“Dad—”

“You have no idea how much I love you.” His eyes lifted to mine, and he looked more ferocious than an angry bear.

“That I would give my life here and now so you may live. That I would be broken beyond comprehension if I ever lost you.” His eyes started to mist with a fog that rose from the sea.

“That you and your brother are the single most important things to me in this world. I thought the love I had for your mother triumphed all—and then I had you two. I wish you could understand what a blessing you are to me.” He breathed hard for several seconds then forced the mist in his gaze to dissipate.

“Dad—”

“You had your turn to speak. Now, this is mine.” He leaned over the table as he came down on me. “I had greater reasons for teaching you all those things than preparing you for a crown. I taught you to survive. There may come a day when you need it—and you will live because of it.”

I wanted to speak, but I knew he wasn’t done. Nowhere near it.

“I admit that my focus was too sharp, that I blurred out all other aspects of life as if we were at war this very minute. But when you’ve endured the hardships I’ve endured…” He hesitated, his eyes flicking away for a moment before he came back to me. “It’s hard to think of anything else.”

“What hardships?—”

“I support whatever you desire. Whatever your dreams may be, I will help you reach them. I’m sorry that I made you think my love is conditional, Lily Rothschild, because it’s very much the opposite.

” His eyes started to mist again. “I’ve failed as a father for letting you believe that, even for a second, and I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart. ”

It was like a dagger to the heart. I felt sick from the injury, from the pain I’d caused. “You’ve never failed as a father, Dad.” I reached my hand across the table to where his lay. My fingers grabbed his, and I squeezed them.

He inhaled a slow breath and bottled his emotions the best he could.

Then he gripped my hand, squeezed it like I dangled over the edge of a cliff.

His other hand cupped the back of mine, and he cradled our hold.

He stared for a long time, cocooning my hand in his embrace.

“My greatest dream was to be a father. The day your mother told me she was pregnant…was one of the happiest of my life. And then you were born…and you were perfect. Watching you grow into this smart, independent, and strong woman has been everything I’ve ever wanted.

A dream come true.” He lifted his chin and looked at me.

“I’m proud of the woman you’ve become, regardless of the title you hold, regardless of how you choose to spend your life.

” His love and affection were visible in his gaze once more.

“I’m sorry for what I said.”

He shook his head slightly. “It’s my job to support you—and I failed.”

“You didn’t fail?—”

“Fatherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the best thing I’ve ever done.

And despite the fact that you’re an adult now, it’s still my job to support you and guide you.

I lost my way, but I’ve found it again.” He released my hands and pulled his hands back to his body. “Tell me what you desire, Zunieth .”

I felt the change in our relationship, the way we grew further apart for a moment but came back together stronger than ever.

“All I’ve known is the Southern Isles. I want to see more of the world.

You told me you used to be a pirate, that you saw the most amazing places and met the most interesting people. That’s what I desire.”

I waited for his disappointment and admonishment. To tell me that a life of adventure was no place for a woman. That it was unsafe and foolish. But he smiled slightly and gave a nod. “A life of adventure and exploration… We’ll make it happen.”

“Really?” I asked in quiet surprise.

“Yes.”

“You aren’t going to tell me it’s dangerous and stupid?”

“You already know those things, Lily. I’ve taught you to sail through the harshest conditions. I’ve taught you to fight a man twice your size. I’ve prepared you for the life you want, and that makes me proud.”

It was that easy—and I should have known it would be that easy.

“You’re young, with a long life ahead of you. Enjoy it.”

No other woman could tell her father she wanted to be a pirate and he would approve. He would tell her to stay home, to find a nice young man, and get married. To have children and devote her life to raising a family. But not my father.

“But I still have more to teach you before you leave. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” I said with a smile. “I’m not in a rush.”