Page 89

M arjani let out a sigh and rested her head on Fane’s chest. The second time had been even better than the first. She’d been able to enjoy it without worrying she was going to freak out on him and go clawed.

Now dawn was speeding toward them way too fast. If she could just stop time, have another day with him. But they had only a few hours.

She stroked a hand down the hard planes of his abdomen to where his cock lay nestled on a patch of wiry dark hair.

“Hold that thought, love.” He pressed a drowsy kiss to her temple. “You wore me out.”

She grinned. “I guess you are just getting over a fever.” She wrapped an arm around his waist and drifted off, sure that tonight, there’d be no nightmares.

She was wrong.

Men. Stinking of alcohol and lust.

Grabbing her, so hard they bruised her. Throwing her down on the floor. Thrusting into her.

Hurting her.

Shame filled every corner of her…spilled onto the floor along with her cries.

Weak. She was so damn weak.

The aphrodisiac burned like fire in her belly…and lower. And after a while, she’d stopped fighting—and begged, instead.

They’d made her beg. That was the one thing she couldn’t forget…or forgive. She’d held out for as long as she could—fighting them, and then when she couldn’t fight anymore, closed her eyes and pretended it wasn’t happening to her.

The drug racing through her veins…making her weak and needy. That was what an aphrodisiac did to you—made you crave sensation. Sex. Pain. Drugs. Alcohol.

And when they ordered her to beg for more, she did.

They just laughed and passed her from man to man, until she curled into a tiny ball in her mind and tried not to go mad.

From far away she heard whimpering and knew it was her. But her eyelids stayed glued shut.

Without Tiago do Rio, she didn’t know what would’ve happened.

He’d killed one man and scattered the others. Then he’d passed out and she’d spent the night beside his unconscious body, trembling from the effects of the drug…wondering if he’d wake up and rape her too, because they’d both been given the same powerful aphrodisiac.

And the worst thing was, she might not have fought him off. The drug had made her crave sex like a cat in heat.

No. No. No.

She moved her head restlessly from side to side.

“Jani. Jani.” Fane stroked a hand down her back. “Wake up, love.”

His gravelly voice, his scent—she knew it was him, and yet she didn’t. The arms cuddling her became a cage. Terror swamped her.

Never again.

She fought free of his grip and crouched on the stone floor, breath scraping in and out of her lungs.

“Hey,” he said. “Calm down. It’s only me.”

She unpeeled her eyelids. Her fingers were claws. She laid her ears back on her head, hissing in warning.

She realized she’d shifted partially to her cougar.

They stared at each other. She knew what Fane saw: a monster—a woman half-covered in fur with a cougar’s paws and ears and teeth.

A corner of his mouth lifted in a sympathetic smile. “Bad dream, huh?”

She hissed again. But the spell was broken. Because she scented absolutely no fear—just concern.

He patted the nest of sweaters. “Come here.”

She ignored him to creep to her cargo pants and her quartz, still in a side pocket. She set her paw on it, drew a deep breath—and shifted back to woman. Taking out her quartz, she sat on the cold stone floor facing the pool, the quartz tight in her hand.

Breathe in, breathe out.

The water steamed around her. She’d almost gotten used to the stench of sulfur.

Behind her, she heard movement—Fane curling up on the sweaters. “I’m here,” he said. Just that and nothing else.

She moistened her lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Jani. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yeah? I nearly ripped your throat out.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No.” She chuckled darkly. “Give the woman a freaking gold star.”

“I’m not afraid of you.”

“You should be.”

Rising to her feet, she splashed some water on her face and then went around the back to pee. While Fane took his turn, she washed up and pulled on her briefs and a T-shirt. When he came back, she was seated at the pool’s edge again, feet dangling in the hot water, the quartz still in her hand.

Fane donned his boxers and sat down beside her. Not touching her, but close enough to feel his body heat. His scent wrapped around her. Familiar…reassuring.

“I've seen a hundred turns of the sun,” he said. “Did you know that?”

She shook her head. “You don’t look much older than me. Although if you’re Evie’s dad, I guess you must be.”

He nodded. “For sixty of those years, I've been the king’s envoy. In that time I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of. But the worst was giving you to him.”

“No!” She whipped her head around. “I gave myself to him. I might as well have wrapped myself up in shiny paper and mailed myself to the ice fae court.”

“I should’ve stopped you. Way back in Reykjavik.”

“You really think you could’ve stopped me? Even my brother couldn’t, and he’s my alpha.” She looked back at the shimmering black water. “I knew what I was getting into. And I didn’t care, as long as I took Corban with me.”

“I thought it might be something like that.” He inched closer so his shoulder touched hers. “What happened, Jani? What did they do to you?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Maybe. But I think you need to tell someone. An outsider.”

She pulled her legs out of the water and wrapped her arms around her legs. Maybe he was right. The first month, she shared parts of her story with Suha and Adric, but for the past year, she hadn’t talked about it all.

“They gave me an aphrodisiac,” she told her toes, the images unspooling in her mind.

He sucked in a breath.

“These were old fada. Going feral. You know what that means?”

“Not exactly.”

“When we get old or damaged somehow, the animal takes over. You fae call us animals, but we're not. Trust me, there’s a difference.”

He touched her back. “I have never called you an animal. Even in my thoughts.”

She nodded against her legs. “The alpha was from Greece. He mixed the aphrodisiac himself from an old recipe. It was…incredibly strong. It drove me a little crazy. They slapped me. Hurt me. And I wanted it.” She sipped a breath. “I even wanted the sex.”

“It was the drug, Jani. Not you.”

“That’s what I tell myself. Sometimes I even believe it.”

He started to put an arm around her.

“Don’t.” She hunched her shoulders. “Let me finish.”

“All right.” He brought his arm back to his side.

“I begged them, Fane.” She forced the words past her lips. “Instead of fighting them, I begged them for more.”

His swallow was loud in the quiet cavern. “I’m so sorry. If I could only go back and change things for you, I would. But I can’t. All I can say is that you're strong. A warrior who should never have had to fight that kind of battle. But you survived, and I’m so grateful for that.”

Sharp glass filled her throat.

“I’m broken,” she managed to say. “I spent most of the last year as my cougar. Because it’s safer that way. Now I’m afraid to shift. Afraid the cougar will take over once and for all.”

“ No. Not broken. A survivor.” He reached for her again, and this time she went into his arms.

He pulled her onto his lap and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She stared, dry-eyed, at the pool. She was so fucking tired. Most nights, she only slept in snatches.

Fane stroked her back. Slow, soothing caresses. He crooned a wordless tune in his rough, sexy voice. Gradually she relaxed.

He massaged her nape until her head drooped, then murmured, “Let’s lie down.”

When she nodded, he rose to his feet and carried her the few steps to their sweater-nest, where he lay on his back, her draped over him like a blanket.

Keeping the quartz loosely in her hand, she laid her head on his chest, grateful for the sound of his heartbeat. It made her feel less alone.

“I’m here,” he murmured one more time. And for now, that was enough.