Page 40 of Pretty Desperate (Pine Village #6)

It’s all too much. Finding out about the baby.

The morning sickness. The fact I bumped into the side of a shelf with my boob earlier and it hurt like hell.

The pregnancy hormones that are quadruple the normal amount, bringing on tears.

The exhaustion. Learning about his ex-wife and why they split.

Realizing he most likely won’t want to be a part of our baby’s life, at least for the right reasons.

I want him to want to be a dad, not obligated.

Oh, and let’s not forget the lie. How about the fact our relationship isn’t even real to begin with.

It’s all that.

Too.

Fucking.

Much.

He opens his mouth, but no words seem to come out.

He looks shocked by my outburst, and maybe a little bit of myself is too.

I’m not this person. I’m not the one to react wildly, but I don’t seem to have control over it right now.

The best thing for him to do is leave so I can collect my thoughts and get everything under control.

“I hate this,” I whisper, but I can tell he hears it.

“I’m going to fix this, Jillian,” he states—or maybe he demands? It’s a very determined, pointed statement, and his conviction is like a physical touch.

“It’s fine, Kam,” I murmur, wishing I weren’t so overly dramatic right now. I feel like I can’t even think straight.

“No, it’s not. I did this,” he says, stepping forward and placing a gentle hand on my arm. “I’ve upset you, I’ve caused you pain, even if it’s not physical.” He closes his eyes, and when he opens them, he looks every bit as anguished as I feel. “I’ll make this right,” he insists.

Recalling a previous conversation, I blurt out, “I need to wash my hair.”

Confusion sweeps across his face. “What?”

“I need to wash my hair. You have to go,” I insist, referring to the time he told me I could say that and he’d leave, no questions asked.

Realization sets in. “The code phrase,” he whispers. “I’m going to fix this,” he insists once more.

Before I can ask him what he’s going to fix, he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.

“I’ll make this right, Jilly, I promise.

Please don’t worry one more second about anything.

I’ve got you.” His words are tender, sweet, and full of emotion, and before I can say another word, he walks to the back entrance and exits, closing the door behind him as he goes.

I’m left standing there, fearing I’ve lost him for good and not really understanding why that hurts so much, especially because he doesn’t want kids.

It’s not like I can say I don’t want them either, all things considered.

I’m having a baby. A very wanted baby. And if he doesn’t want that, then that’s his decision.

I shake my head and try to calm myself down.

A headache is starting, and I know any work I was hoping to get done tonight isn’t happening.

Thank goodness I didn’t really have anything on my plate.

I was preparing for a couple of cakes I’ll need to make and decorate for a Saturday pickup, but I don’t have to worry about it now.

The whole reason I was still here was because I hate being home alone.

When I’m there, I long to be with Kameron, and last night was especially difficult.

I knew he wasn’t working, which was why I stayed late at the bakery and got a few things done.

Tonight was going to be much of the same, but right now, all I want to do is go home.

I’m exhausted.

Emotionally spent.

I want to grab a tub of ice cream and lie on my couch watching terrible reality TV. I pray sleep comes easily and quickly tonight.

Just as I start to pack up my things, my cell phone chimes from an incoming text. I pull my phone from my pocket, both dreading and secretly hoping to see Kameron’s name on the screen. Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on how you’re looking at it—it’s my friend, Ryan.

Ryan

Hey, wondering what you’re up to tonight? Marcus is working late on one of the school buses. He has to get it finished for school tomorrow. Wanna grab dinner?

My stomach churns, and with the state of my emotions, I know going out to eat isn’t in my best interest.

Me

Haven’t been feeling the best so I’ll probably just head home and eat there.

The bubbles appear immediately.

Ryan

Want company? I can bring food. Whatever you want. Some soup and grilled cheese from the diner? I’m not worried about catching anything.

I can’t help but snort. The only way she’s catching this is if she has unprotected sex with her boyfriend.

My stomach growls, as if it can hear the message on the screen.

I haven’t been vomiting much, but the constant state of nausea has kept me from eating too much.

In fact, my main source of nutrients has come from different soups Kameron has made and sent to me.

However, the thought of a big grilled cheese with soup has hunger pains filling the room.

Me

Actually, that sounds pretty good. I’d love a grilled cheese and some soup.

Ryan

Great! I’ll grab whatever’s on special from the diner and be over in about thirty minutes. Any requests or dislikes?

Me

No chili.

Ryan

You got it. See you soon!!

I slip my phone into my pocket and grab my purse. Making sure all the lights are off, I slip out the back door and head for my vehicle. It’s getting dark out and the air holds a distinct chill to it, a sure sign of fall setting in.

Once I climb into my car, I stare at the back of my building and sigh.

I’m going to have to worry about my hours soon.

Maybe not before the baby comes, but definitely after.

I might have to adjust the times I’m open, especially if I have a newborn to care for.

But I refuse to look at this pregnancy as anything but a blessing, and there’s no need to worry about any of the other stuff today.

Everything will fall into place.

It has to.

Right now, all I need to worry about is feeding myself and my baby. Will I tell Ryan about the baby? Perhaps, though I’d really wanted to tell Kameron first. However, I just might need some advice, and even though Ryan is around a decade younger than me, I could really use a friend tonight.

I guess we’ll see how it goes.