Page 26

Seventeen

C ALISTA

Had I really just said that out loud?

My heart thumped in my chest like a wild drum, its rapid beats echoing violently in my ears.

I swallowed hard, trying to steady myself, while the look on Leon’s face left me breathless. My head spun, and I couldn’t tell if the dizzying sensation was from the alcohol still buzzing through my veins or from the sheer audacity of my statement.

Either way, I meant every single word I had spoken.

Every ounce of courage I could muster surged through me as I held Leon’s gaze, determined to own my request.

I had shared my desires with him. They lingered in the air, bold and unyielding like a blazing neon sign lighting up our surroundings.

It felt as if years passed in that silence, my anticipation stretching the moment as I waited for his response.

Yes, I was tipsy, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t give full consent to sex like a grown-ass adult. I had put a tremendous amount of thought into this. After talking with my sisters, it had consumed all my focus.

Their advice played on repeat in my mind, even when I sat alone in my car, piecing together my thoughts.

I knew Leon desired me. It was unmistakable in the way his eyes burned with a smoldering intensity every time we made love.

I sensed he’d been holding back from the very first time.

It was obvious he was worried he might trigger me.

His hesitation was endearing. It was the very thing that made me trust him enough to ask for what I wanted in the first place.

And, Oh my God, did I know what I wanted…

I wanted the man I saw lingering in the shadows in the bedroom, the man with the dark, primal need that he tried to keep hidden.

The savage Leon…

The alpha Leon…

The sexy, primitive beast that I knew was pacing around inside him, itching to be let out of his cage…

I thought of Laya and Niko and what it had been like living with them.

They didn’t worry about what the staff heard or saw.

They took their pleasure wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted.

And they didn’t try to hide their savage trysts or the damage caused by them.

More than once, I’d walked into a room where the staff was cleaning up broken furniture that had been sacrificed for their passion.

There were nights when the sounds of their escapades echoed through the entire house, and they showed their faces the next day with pride and a complete lack of shame.

That was what I wanted.

That was what I needed.

The gleam in his eyes when he smiled hinted at a level of joy he rarely showed, suggesting the longing I believed Leon kept hidden within.

“I can’t,” he finally said, shaking his head firmly, dashing all my hopes.

I know he saw it on my face.

He reached up and cupped my cheek with one trembling hand. “Calista, darling, I’m so sorry. I care too much about you to ever hurt you.” His thumb brushed a tear I fought to swallow.

“No!” I cried. “I don’t understand, and neither do you! I feel safe with you—I am safe with you, aren’t I?”

He closed his eyes. “Of course! That’s an absurd question!”

“Then let me decide when I don’t feel safe.” I pressed my forehead against his sternum, feeling his heart thump like a drum under my cheek. “Please, Leon.”

He shook his head, gaze lowered to meet mine. “Calista, I just can’t?—”

“Are you always going to hold that night over me?” I snapped, hands clawing at his shoulders. “You use it as an excuse to keep me at arm’s length. I’m sick of feeling punished!”

I flung my words at him like daggers. I knew I was hurting him, but I didn’t know how else to get through to him.

“Punished?” His tone conveyed utter disbelief, which was so frustrating.

“Yes!” I shouted. I was still straddling him, his hands resting on my hips.

I felt his fingers fisting against me and the tension rolling off his body. Still, despite the anger I was unleashing on him, his cock was twitching against my pussy.

“I survived! It’s over. Now, I want to thrive, not just endure.”

I was practically begging him to understand me.

“I decided long ago to avoid fixating on the assault. If I hadn’t, the darkness would have consumed me.

Don’t you understand? I need you to stop dwelling on it as well!

You weren’t even there! You must let go so we can create a fulfilling life together, a true life filled with passion. The kind of passion I long for!”

“No, Calista!” His voice thundered as he cupped my face, his grip firm and earnest. His eyes, wide and fierce, locked onto mine, pleading for understanding. “I’ve never seen you as damaged or broken! I only want to keep you safe, no matter what! That’s what a good husband does!”

I couldn’t take it any longer.

I couldn’t be close to him any longer.

Frustration mounted in my veins, leaving me pulsing with anger and rage. Tears welled in my eyes, and I blinked them away. No fucking way was I going to cry now.

It would only prove his point.

I pushed off him, my feet crashing against the floor, echoing the weight of my frustration. I fixed my gaze on him, the tempest of anger and desperation boiling inside me as I fought for my voice amidst the chaos of my emotions.

“Fuck off with your protection! I have a right to choose what I want.”

I abruptly pivoted toward the door. I craved space. I wanted to escape his pity and narrow mindset.

“Cali!” he shouted from behind me. I ignored him and kept walking to the door.

But he sprang to his feet and jumped in front of me, grabbing my arms and capturing my gaze.

“I will never be a part of hurting you, Calista, I just can’t. You have to understand. Please.”

“No!” I protested. “You know what I understand, Leon? I understand that a woman has sexual needs, just like a man does. I can feel the distance between us, that invisible wall you’ve built, and it’s suffocating.

You’re holding back, thinking you’re protecting me, but that gnawing hunger inside you just keeps growing, festering like an untreated wound.

Until it pushes you to seek what you want from someone else.

I’m willing to give it to you, and you deny me. ”

I glared, each word slicing the charged air.

“I would never,” he whispered.

“Why should I believe you?” I demanded, struggling against his grip. He held on tightly, his chocolate eyes searching mine.

He opened his mouth, then closed it.

And then a slow smile spread across his face, as if he’d just figured out something important.

“Because I love you, Calista, that’s why.” His words stung. They dug deep and hit hard.

And they made absolutely no sense to me.

The anger bubbling inside me rushed to the surface, overwhelming me now.

“How dare you?” I hissed.

Surprise flashed across his face, his confusion evident, and it pissed me off even more.

“How dare you say such a thing when you only give me pieces of yourself?”

“What?” he asked. “That’s not true. I am completely present with you!”

“Present?” I questioned. “Maybe partially. I want you, all of you! Not just nice Leon. Not just gentle Leon. I want passionate, primal Leon!”

“Calista…” He shook his head.

“You want me to trust you? Then maybe you should trust me too, to know my body, my desires, to know my own fucking needs!”

I couldn’t help but shout now, the tears flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably.

I’d been holding so much inside—so much unhappiness and dissatisfaction, so many unmet desires—and it all burst to the surface .

I snapped, letting my anger take the wheel.

I slammed my palm into his chest, and he took a step backward.

“Blowjobs!” I roared, breath catching in my throat.

I hit him again.

“Spankings!” I cried.

My palm slapped his chest again, and he fumed, his whole body coiled tight, upset, annoyed, on the verge of fury. Undeterred, I hit him again.

“Choking!”

His mouth fell open in surprise.

“Restraints!” I seethed as I struck him once more.

“Calista,” he whispered, his voice a low warning that I ignored.

“Before I met you, I had lovers—lots of them! Did you know that?”

His frown deepened, the lines between his brows growing more prominent.

“I did,” I insisted, voice trembling with fierce pride. “And they did things to me—things I screamed for, begged for, cried for.”

“Stop it, Calista!” he demanded. Once again, I ignored him, landing another blow to his chest.

“I won’t stop. I want you to hear every word! I want you to know it all so you’ll understand!” I shook my head. “I’ve always known what I wanted. That never changed. I like sex—no, I love it! I’ve never been shy about asking for it, and I don’t ever want to be. ”

His lips were twisted into an angry grimace, and I felt my pussy quiver at the sight of him angry.

Finally!

His dark irises burned with unguarded intensity, not fury but something more predatory. I knew I was pushing things too far, perhaps beyond that, but it was too late now.

I couldn’t tell if I had made any progress in getting him to understand me, but if he was going to change his mind, it would undoubtedly take a monumental effort.

I went in for the kill, fully aware of the risk I was taking.

“If you won’t give me the passion I crave, Leon, what solution do you propose? Would you like me to find someone else to scratch that itch?”

Time slowed down, my questions hanging in the air between us for a fraction of a second like a bullet in slow motion.

And then, before I could think, before I could blink, and before I could utter another inflammatory word, Leon snapped.

His fingers wrapped around my neck, and he pushed me backward, all at once. I gasped as he brought his face close to mine. His fingers tightened around the column of my neck.

He kicked my feet apart until he was standing between them, his words dripping from his mouth with rage.

“Is this what you want?’

Goosebumps tingled on my skin as a shiver raced down my spine. I had been pleading for this, yet I never imagined in a million years that he would fulfill it for me .