Page 101 of Power

Me: I have a female question.

Axel: My specialty. *trophy emoji* What part of the female anatomy is confusing you today? I charge by the hour, but will give you the friend discount. First fifteen minutes of mansplaining absolutely free.

Me: If a girl has been scared shitless but you need information from her, how long do you have to give her before you demand answers?

Blake: Reread your text. Note the word “demand.” That word suggests you have no concept of the female mind.

Me: And now that you’re with Tessa, you’re suddenly Dr. Phil?

Blake: It doesn’t take a medical degree to tell you that women don’t respond well to being ordered around.

Me: Someone hurt her. I want his name so I can fucking destroy him.

Ryker: HELLO! It’s me, your friendly neighborhood criminal attorney who doesn’t want to visit YOU in prison too! May I kindly suggest you refrain from making felony threats in WRITING? Judges tend to find premeditated murder confessions in group texts compelling evidence. *face smacking emoji*

Me: I was obviously exaggerating. By destroy, I meant professionally.

Ryker: Still terrible. You know what defendants always say? “I didn’t mean it literally.” Right before they’re convicted. These texts can be subpoenaed, and the jury won’t care about your “just kidding” follow-up. They’ll be too busy calculating how to divide your fortune in the subsequent civil suit.

Me: Can we get back to my question? Some guy scared the hell out of a woman, and I want to know who did it.

Blake: Scarlett?

Me: Someone hurt her.

Ryker: Call the police.

Me: I’m not 100% sure what happened. I don’t even know if a crime has been committed. Thus my question, which I will ask AGAIN: How long do I have to give her before interrogating her?

Axel: Dude, you’re talking about her like she’s a witness on a TV drama, not someone you care about. No wonder you’re still single. *smirking emoji* Even I know better than that, and I’m professionally allergic to commitment.

Ryker: My experience with traumatized witnesses is that it varies. Sometimes, they’re ready to talk immediately. Sometimes, it takes more time. Almost like—and this might shock you—women are individual humans with different processing capabilities and not robots with standardized recovery protocols.

Me: Define “varies.” I need more. Provide a specific timeline.

Blake: Did you just ask for a recovery timeline? For trauma? With bullet points and a Gantt chart?

Axel: Classic Jace. Probably wants to schedule her emotional breakdown between his 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. meetings.

Me: You’re all useless.

Axel: Dude, just use your gut instincts. Does she look like she’s ready to talk?

I ground my molars.

Me: No.

Axel: Then wait.

Me: The guy could show up at the office tomorrow.

Axel: So, stand guard outside her office. Women probably love shit like that. Nothing says “healthy relationship” like a brooding billionaire with boundary issues. *superhero emoji*

Me: I’m not letting this guy get away with this!

Axel: Fine, then try to berate it out of her. Good luck with that. Women love being pressured when they’re already traumatized. *eye roll emoji*

Blake: Shockingly, I agree with Axel, but for the record, I highly recommend you discard his advice on a go-forward basis. I saw the third woman on his arm on Instagram THIS WEEK.