Page 38 of Portrait of A Lost Artist
VERONICA
O NE YEAR LATER.
OPAL’S GRAY FUR ALLOWS FOR A PENDANT TO GET LOST IN ITS CONFINES, ONLY THE GLIMMER OF TWO DIAMOND RINGS PEEKING THROUGH.
Eyes wary of her surroundings, she clings to Alessia’s arm as if it was a second skin.
At least, someone’s skin crawls with nervousness as much as mine does.
Or...that’s just me comparing myself to Nathan’s cat, probably.
Antique cream walls swirl with stone-like textures in the chapel that I had chosen with Nathan many months ago.
He wanted something that showcased the core of the place that united us, my dear and beloved Cuba.
I can only imagine, as I stand behind the wooden and crooked entrance door, with clammy hands and a racing heart, that the decorations that Alessia and Renna had worked on were down-right perfect.
From the images that Nathan and I wanted, an ode to the art of our favorite painters, to the simplicity of our union.
Shit, I’m getting married.
I finally am the one with the white dress.
While Alessia works on making sure that Opal follows her duties as the ring-bearer, the calloused hands of the man that brought Aseré up from its confines alongside Mom spread on my face.
Dad’s smile curls elegantly, eyes brimming with a layer of glassed-undertones, as if he is on the verge of breaking down but fights it with all his might.
More wrinkles have made a home out of the crevices on his face, I have realized, and I can imagine that I might seem older in his gaze, as well.
Thirty-one and getting married to the love of my life.
“Who would have said that my little girl would finally go down the aisle?” His hands trail down my arms. A bell-sleeved, flowy white dress rests on my figure. Never had I felt this gorgeous, and the thought settles in my head when Dad’s lips pucker on my forehead.
“You’d never believe it, right?” I joke, half-laughing, before a lonesome tear runs down my eye. Alessia is the first one to notice, even before I do, as I rub at the makeup that she had so-effortlessly worked on.
“Not a single tear! The foundation might be high coverage, but the cameras’ flashes don’t forgive anybody, babe.”
“Sorry.” I say, grinning at her antics and fanning at my face instead. “It’s the first time I’m getting married; allow me to make some mistakes, Al.”
Alessia chuckles, though my attention diverted towards the motion of Dad’s hands. His fingers fidget with a paper that he had taken out of his suit’s pocket. A rasp leaves his mouth, unfolding my fisted hands before planting the letter on my hold.
“I know that you two haven’t talked in years...and she has hurt you far too much, but Esperanza wanted me to give this to you.”
“Dad—” I’m about to give the letter back to him, its weight and folded nature about to make me vomit. Year after year, Christmas rolls around and I’m not in Aseré. I’ve always hoped she’d finally be ready to let me in by then, but forgiveness just hasn’t happened yet between us.
“Please, just read it. I’m not asking you to forgive her, but read what she has to say.”
A tension seized my throat, which I consciously overcame as I unfolded the letter, my eyes drawn to the familiar markings.
The subtle curves and indentations of my mother’s handwriting resurfaced in my memory, a constant presence on the recipes I had meticulously learned throughout the years.
It is an undeniable truth that we are all pieces shaped by the individuals we love, whether we acknowledge it willingly or not.
I push the veil away from my face, staring at the letter with intent.
Dear Veronica,
When your dad told me you were going to get married, I felt a sense of remorse.
I wondered, egotistically so, if I was angry because of who you had chosen or because you reached happiness without my help.
I wanted the best for you and Adam, but I didn’t realize that I was never the best for you.
You wanted a life, but you also wanted a Mom, and I took both from you.
Nathan is a nice man, or so I have heard.
I’ve seen you from afar sometimes when passing through Havana, and he seems to be so in love with you.
Pedro had the same look in his eyes when he met me.
Isn’t that what you wanted? A love like the one we had?
Well, you didn’t find it how I expected you to, but now I know you are way better than me at knowing what you truly deserve.
I once said that you were not my daughter anymore, but I think I am the one that is not ready to be your mother just yet. Until then, when the time to come back into your life appears, let me tell you...
I’m glad you found happiness. Don’t let anyone take it away from you.
Love, Mamá.
Elton John’s voice in the sound of ‘Your Song’ signals the entrance of the bride, but I can barely let go of the letter in my hand by the time Dad wraps his arm around mine.
Uncertainty fills me at that moment, for Mom is nowhere to be seen in the small crowds of people at the chapel in which my wedding is taking place, but she’s there.
The Mom that carried me when I was a child and sang me to sleep, that somehow had gotten lost along the years.
Trembling digits wrap around the bouquet of pink roses, catching my bottom lip before a sigh escapes me to smile instead.
As goosebumps rise on my skin, my eyes meet Nathan’s.
Brown oceans of chocolate that could lull me into any decision and let me know that I was doing the right thing.
Short strands of hair slick back by the slight layer of gel on it, his thick eyebrows folding upon my entrance, his cheekbones protruding in a smile when seeing me.
“ Gorgeous .” He mouths at me, to which I can only nod.
“ I love you .” I say back, walking over to forever, letting myself be ravished by the look in his eyes and the certainty he holds me with once I reach him, fingers interlocked with my own as Dad deposits me in his hands.
As though earning gravity, my body halters its jittering and relishes on the way his lips spread on top of my knuckles, kissing the skin and letting a lonesome tear fall on it. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined myself receiving such devoted love.
And I am eager to give it back.
Nathan Calderwood found me amidst my loss, seeing a portrait that I would have never imagined lived inside me.
THE END.