Page 138 of Playing Dirty

I feel shitty as hell about all of it.

“God, I can’t even be mad at you because I’ve literally been in your shoes.” His lips pull back into some contorted version of a smile, and he shakes his head. “You were there last year, you saw it all unfold withHolden and Kase. It was fucked-up and messy as shit, but—”

“But Holden’s not a Falcon,” I cut in. “You weren’t going to have the entire team looking at you like you’re a goddamn traitor for being with him.”

He looks like he wants to argue, but to his credit, he only nods and whispers, “Okay, yeah. You have a point.”

“And even if everyone could look past it, which I doubted was possible to begin with, I didn’t want it to be about the Penny Play.”

His brows draw together as his lips form a frown. “What?”

My fingers trace over the cool, smooth countertop while I try to find the best way to explain all my thoughts—every messy, convoluted piece of them.

“I know it was just a stupid joke when you and Wyatt suggested I try sleeping with Madden to get intel. And I love this school and the rivalry as much as the rest of the guys, you know that. But I was worried about being put in a position where I’d have to choose between Madden and you guys.”

“Because you’d choose him.”

It comes out as a statement, not a question. Because he knows the answer. It’s the same one he’d give if it were Holden.

I nod, my gaze meeting his. “Every single time. No hesitation.”

There’s a brief flicker of understanding in his expression before he leans his forearms on the island across from me.

“So it’s not just sex, then.”

“It never was.” Releasing a sigh, I shake my head. “I love him. More than…fucking anything.”

He grins slowly. “You can’t control who you fall in love with.”

Yeah, he really would understand that better than anyone. And like me, he fought it at every turn, only to fall anyway.

“Shit,” he mutters with a laugh. “I should probably apologize to himfor that comment during the game, then, huh?”

Considering it could’ve very well ruined everything…

“Yeah, I’d appreciate it if you did.”

A little disgruntled noise slips out of him as he shoots me one of thoseyou’re killing melooks, but he eventually rolls his eyes and concedes.

“Fine, fine. I’ll do it for you.” He taps his hand on the counter a couple times, eyes taking on a mischievous gleam when he says, “But in return, I wanna know how you were getting him in the house.”

I try and fail to fight a smile. “The tree outside my bedroom window.”

Phoenix bursts out laughing, and I can’t help but join him after hearing just how ridiculous it sounds when I say it out loud.

“God, that is so high school,” he says as his laughter subsides.

“Okay, wiseass. What would you have done? I couldn’t exactly bring him through the damn front door,” I shoot back.

“No, that’s fair. It’s just funny as hell to picture.” Another little chuckle slips from him. “I honestly can’t believe you got away with keeping this whole thing a secret as long as you did.”

“It’s not like we’re walking around holding hands on campus.”

“Sure, but secret flings always have a way of coming to light. And most of the time, they blow up in your face.” His gaze drops from my face to the crutches beside me before he adds, “Or, in your case, land you in the ER with a broken leg.”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t need a lecture on why secret hookups are bad, okay? Oakley and Quinton already took care of that.”

The statement comes out without any thought, and his expression takes on a scowl. “Oakley and Quinton know about this? Since when?”