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Chapter Nineteen

Jemma

M y parents invite their employees and families to Thanksgiving dinner every year.

It’s a Walcott tradition. My father always treats his workers as if they’re a part of our family.

My father’s mentality is the reason for his success.

Because of how he treats people, Walcott Dairy runs like a well-oiled machine.

Corey is the one person I knew I’d see but was hoping wouldn’t show. My ex. The man I left behind to pursue what I thought was a better life, only to discover that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

My three older brothers—Mark, Connor, and Pat—take their usual places on the couch. They watch football with my dad, who lounges in his oversized chair. A crowd of their friends and coworkers surround them, some standing where others have found a place on the floor or leaning against the wall.

The scent of turkey wafts through the air, and I hear my mother humming a tune from the kitchen. She does that when she cooks. Unlike Jordan and me, who are tone-deaf, my mother has a beautiful singing voice.

I stand at the edge of the living room, watching the men drink beer from frosty steins and yell at the football game. My father and brothers love their football, especially on Thanksgiving.

Jordan hangs out in the kitchen with my mom and aunts. I’m not much of a cook and couldn’t care less about football. I only care about my mom’s famous deep-fried turkey and her buttery mashed potatoes that melt on your tongue.

My mom calls us for dinner.

We gather in the massive dining room that boasts an old wooden farm table that spans most of the room.

My dad always sits at the head of the table with my mother on his right and my brothers on his left.

Jordan plops down next to me. Her flowery perfume and the delicious scent of her cornbread stuffing fill my nostrils.

Jordan sets the dish on the table in front of us, a bright smile on her face. She’s proud of her work.

The room fills with laughter and chatter, the air humming with excitement. I glance around the table and smile. I missed my family and hadn’t realized how much until now.

John Collins, my father’s friend and business partner, sits beside me, leaving a gap between us. The open space is noticeable, and I wonder why he’s sitting so far away. And then I see him. Corey. He’s at the end of the table talking to some of his friends from work.

He laughs, his fingers moving through his shaggy brown hair, pushing it off his forehead. His muscles bulge beneath his sweater that’s rolled up to his elbows. Years of working outside have given him a beautiful body. My throat closes when his eyes meet mine, nerves shaking me to the core.

We haven’t spoken since I left for college. Corey promised he would allow me to experience everything without interference from him. And he kept his word. I also said we would talk when I came home for a break. My life is a mess right now. I’m not ready to decide.

Corey finishes his conversation at the end of the table before strolling over to me.

He sits next to me, a grin plastered on his handsome face.

In every way, he’s still the boy I met in grade school.

The same man I left behind. But I’m not the same.

Everything has changed since I transferred to Strickland University.

“Jemmy,” Corey whispers, the nickname only he uses for me as he leans in to kiss my cheek. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

My skin burns from his delicate touch. “You, too,” I mutter.

“How come you look so surprised to see me?”

I pause for a second. It’s not that I’m surprised. “I’m not,” I lie. “You should try the cornbread stuffing before it’s gone.” I nod at the half-empty bowl in front of me. “Jordan didn’t make as much as she usually does. With all these mouths to feed, grab some while you can.”

“Right.” He sighs, reaching for the spoon sticking out from the bowl. “I guess I better get on that.”

Why does this feel so awkward? I’ve known him for most of my life.

He’s been there for me through the hard times, even the more embarrassing times, and yet I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing because I know he will want to talk after dinner, and I will still have the same answer I gave him over the summer.

I’m not ready to get married and start a family.

After we fill our plates, I take slow, deliberate bites, my focus on the food. Even though it’s delicious, my stomach churns, the nerves giving me a cramp in my side. I’m such a coward for avoiding eye contact with Corey. He deserves better than this, especially from me.

Years of friendship and love have afforded him more than I can give him. If only things were simpler, more like when we first started dating. It was easier back then. We had nothing dragging us down, no worries other than finishing high school. Everything was perfect.

“Meet me in the barn after dinner,” he says against the shell of my ear, and I shudder from his breath on my skin.

Unable to utter the words, I nod, and he relaxes at my side.

I knew this was coming. Maybe it’s best to get it over sooner rather than later instead of dragging this on forever. Corey waited for me, no doubt stayed single the entire time I was at school. And what did I do? Had sex with the hottest guy on campus.

Dinner continues with my father telling stories about his friends at the table.

It’s his way of thanking the men and women who bust their asses to ensure the farm runs smoothly.

My mother boasts about my acceptance into Kappa Delta, telling her friends how proud she is that I followed in her footsteps.

Each conversation seems to blend with the next, and I offer a fake smile and minimal words, doing my best to keep my shit together in front of everyone.

My hands shake from the waves of anxiety shooting through my veins.

I swear my heart is beating so loud Corey can hear it.

If he can, he hasn’t said a word. He hasn’t spoken to me since he asked me to meet him in the barn after dinner.

Once the men retire to the living room to sip after-dinner whiskey, I slip out the back door, desperate to get this over with.

I stroll down the aisle in search of Rocky, the stallion my father purchased before I left for school.

After Athena had gotten sick and died, I couldn’t bear to replace her.

But I would still help Corey feed the horses and brush their manes.

I stop in front of Rocky’s stall and rest my hands on the top of the wooden door. “Hey, boy. Did you miss me?”

Without hesitation, Rocky comes over and dips his head for me to pet him. He likes it when I rub behind his ears. Rocky bows his head like a dog and neighs in appreciation.

“I guess you did,” I say to him. “I missed you, too.”

“How about me?” Corey’s baritone voice booms behind me. “Because it doesn’t seem like you even want me here.”

I release my hold on Rocky and spin around to face Corey. My eyes don’t meet his at first, and when they do, guilt washes over me.

I transferred to Strickland University to test the waters. Corey knew meeting other guys was a possibility. How do I tell him about Trent? He’ll never look at me the same again if I do.

“That’s not true,” I say in a hushed tone.

He stops in front of me, his body blocking my path. Corey still has the same solid shoulders and muscular physique as when he played high school football, except now, he’s bigger and leaner, his body filled out more from working on the farm.

“After all this time apart, you can at least hug me or act like you know me.”

I throw my arms around his middle. He squeezes me so tight I can hardly breathe.

Even though I haven’t had a second to think about missing him, he sure as hell did me.

Now, I feel even guiltier about forgetting him, pushing him to the back of my mind, to the dark recess where I store things I want to ignore.

“I made my decision,” I whisper as he releases his hold. “I can’t accept your proposal, Corey.”

The darkness does nothing to conceal his disappointment.

A cross between a scowl and a frown marks his handsome face.

“Why not, Jemma? We’ve been together since we were fourteen.

” His fingers dig into my hip. “You love me. I love you. What’s the problem?

Everything was perfect with us. What happened? ”

“Something inside me snapped when you asked me to marry you. I felt like I hadn’t experienced life without you. I had never even left Lancaster except for the few vacations I’d taken with my family.”

“So,” he challenges. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“It’s not that easy for me, Cor.” I place my hand on his shoulder while staring into his eyes, the nerves finally subsiding. “I don’t know what I want yet. I’m not ready to settle down and have a family. We’re too young. Maybe five years from now?—”

“Five years,” he interrupts. “C’mon, Jemmy, we don’t need another five years to begin our future.

” Corey moves his hand to my cheek and strokes it with his calloused thumb, sparking an intense prick of electricity that skates all my skin.

“I knew I wanted to marry you when we were kids when I made you a ring from pieces of hay I tied together. You were my best friend… you are my best friend. You’re my entire world. ”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” I admit. “We’ve been everything to each other for so long, we don’t even know what it’s like to be alone. Now that I’ve had the chance to explore new things, I don’t want to give it all up. Not yet.”

“Do you expect me to wait forever?”

His tone darkens along with his features.

I shake my head.

Corey peels his hand from my face and leans back against the stall opposite me, unable to meet my gaze. His eyes fall to the hay-strewn ground as he shoves his hands into his jean pockets and sighs.

“I’m sorry, Corey. I know I’m a horrible person for putting you through this.”

He looks up at me with a hint of a smile on his lips. “You’re the best person I know, Jemma. There’s not an evil bone in your body.”

“Then, why do I feel like shit?”

“Because breakups are hard.”

“For what it’s worth, I still care about you, Corey. We might not be together, but some things will never fade. You will always be my friend. I hope you still want to be mine.”

“I’d rather have you as my friend than nothing.”