Page 42 of Playboy Pitcher

Test me,they warn.Try me.

This is a different Ben. One with a concealed tripwire I seem to have activated.

“I don’t do secrets, Willow.” His hands clench by my head as his chest lowers dangerously close to mine. “I hate them. The worst thing you could ever do is lie to me or go behind my back. So, when I ask you a question, I want a straight answer. No fake sleeping. No half-answers. No hiding in a damn bathroom.”

“Are you finished?”

“For now.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Squinting, he searches my face for a hidden motive. “That’s it? No arguing?”

I shake my head. “Being lied to sucks. I should know.”

Balancing on one forearm, he tilts his head, every muscle in his neck as taut as a bowstring. “So, you’re going to stop trying to change the subject and finally tell me about Drake Prescott.”

His conditions are going to be the death of me. I’ve already conceded to one; this will make two. If he doesn’t move, I’ll cave to the third before we even say I do. “Yes, on one condition.”

“You’re not in a position to make demands.”

“That’s the problem.” That little line sinks between his eyes again. It’s a habit. I’ve realized he does it when he doesn’t want to admit he’s confused. Putting him out of his misery, I nod toward the nonexistent space between us. “You’re crushing me.”

Instead of springing off me, Ben lazily shifts to the side, as if we have all the time in the world. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

Another power play from Tripwire Ben.

I file it away for later.

Sighing, I stare up at the ceiling.My sin. My fault. My cross to bear.“The truth is, Drake is my ex.” Ben stiffens, but I keep going. “I was a stupid seventeen-year-old who fell head over heels for the twenty-six-year-old bad boy pitcher.” Smirking, I catch his gaze out of the corner of my eye. “Sound familiar?” Ben doesn’t respond, so I let it go and open another vein. “He was your typical all flash, no substance type, but he caught my dad’s eye, so I set my sights on him.”

“And Roger was okay with that?”

I laugh. “He was more than okay. He was ecstatic. His daughter and his star pitcher? It was like a sports fan’s fairy tale come true.” My smirk fades as I let out a ragged breath. This is the part that hurts to speak out loud. My first instinct is to gloss over it, but Ben’s words echo in my head.

“I don’t do secrets, Willow. I hate them. The worst thing you could ever do is lie to me.”

“I gave him my virginity,” I blurt out, closing my eyes. “Everything went okay until I caught him fucking an Annie in the locker room. He wasn’t even sorry.”

Ben is quiet for a moment, then I hear him clear his throat. “Your dad must have gone ballistic.”

Opening my eyes, I face him. “I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell anyone. I told everyone we just decided to go our separate ways.”

“That was more than he deserved.”

All I can do is shrug. “Call it an experiment.”There’s that little vertical line again.I blow out a weak breath. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

I wish I could. I wish I still had the ability to try, to trust. But I don’t. Drake and my father broke that part of me. Twirling a lock of hair between my fingers, I turn toward the window and stare out at the night sky. “Have you ever been so desperate for someone to notice you that you’d do just about anything to get their attention?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I have.”

My fingers stop twirling, and I look back at him. I didn’t expect that, and I sure as hell didn’t expect to find a familiar look on his face. I’ve seen it in my own reflection. “Then you know sometimes thereisno why. Sometimes things that make sense in the moment are huge mistakes; only, by the time you realize it, you’re in so deep, there’s no way out.”

“Did you love him?”

I don’t respond to his question right away. Not because I don’t know the answer, but because no one has ever bothered to ask. “No. I think I loved the idea of him. I loved the idea ofhimlovingme. But those butterflies everyone talks about? I’ve never felt that.”