Page 17

Chapter Seventeen

Sienna

I’m sitting at our rickety old dining table with my laptop, trying to write an essay when the front door swings open so hard, I’m afraid it’s going to fall off the hinges.

“Hey,” Destiny mutters as she stomps inside and slams the door behind her.

I watch as she tosses her backpack on the floor and flops onto our equally rickety couch, which makes a loud creaking sound, thanks to the force of her body.

“Hello to you too,” I say slowly, almost afraid to ask, but I do it anyway. “What’s going on with you?”

“I broke up with Lizzie just now.” She crosses her arms in front of her, her entire face like a pout.

Carefully I shut my laptop because this declaration calls for my undivided attention. We might not talk a lot, but she’s been much more cheerful since getting with Lizzie. And now look at her. She’s obviously miserable. “Do you want to talk about it? What happened?”

She doesn’t say much at first, but I can tell by the way her face nearly crumples that she’s upset and on the verge of crying. Something I don’t think I’ve ever seen Destiny do, and we’ve lived together going on three years. “She told me I’m too stubborn.”

Oh, that is 100 percent accurate.

When Destiny doesn’t say anything else, I realize I’m going to need to pull the issues out of her. She’s not going to offer them voluntarily. “And what else did she say?”

Destiny shakes her head, a single tear streaking down her cheek, and I leap from my chair, go to her, and wrap my arms around her. It hurts my heart to see her cry because she’s so, so tough all the time.

“She said I don’t ever share my feelings with her. That I’m always throwing up walls, and she wants me to be real with her for once.” Destiny is full-on crying now, little sobs sounding in her throat as she shakes in my arms. “I don’t think she realizes that I’m always trying to be strong because she’s the emotional one in the relationship.”

“Aw.” I press my hand against the side of her head so she has no choice but to rest her cheek against my shoulder. The girl is rigid in my arms, and I wish she could relax. “Maybe you should be crying to Lizzie right now, not me.”

“No,” she spits out, pressing her face into my shoulder and soaking my T-shirt with her tears. “I can’t look weak in front of her.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not supposed to. I’m the tough one. I’ve been the tough one my entire life. I’m the oldest of three, and we all had different dads who bailed on us. My mom was constantly scrambling between a variety of jobs, trying to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. Right before I turned sixteen, she was asking me to get a job to help out, and I did. I didn’t even hesitate, because I wanted to help. I was always there for her, no matter what. Working endless odd jobs to help pay our bills or leaving class early so I could pick up my brother and sister from school and watch them while she was working,” Destiny explains, hiccuping.

I wish she would’ve told me her backstory before. “I had no idea.”

“I don’t tell anyone, that’s why. I don’t need any sympathy. I can handle myself.” Her voice quakes when she speaks, and I don’t say anything. There’s no point. She believes she’s strong, and she won’t let down that wall. Not even to her girlfriend.

But then my thoughts get the best of me, and I have to say something.

“Have you ever thought of just ... explaining yourself to her? You don’t have to tell her every detail about your past, but it might show Lizzie that you’re willing to be vulnerable with her, and that’s ... huge.” I think of my own issues. Gavin Maddox and how vulnerable he was with me last Saturday night, how vulnerable we were with each other, only to ruin everything the next morning with his glib attitude after fucking me deliciously—and without a condom.

Then he ruined it further when we both were at Everleigh’s yoga session a few days ago. Yes, I can admit I was flaunting myself in the cute pink outfit I found on Amazon for a steal. Yes, I was trying to get his attention, and I probably made a fool of myself. But when he called Ever wifey material right in front of me? That burned my ass like nothing else, and I had to leave. Not that he got it.

A deep sigh escapes me, and Destiny lifts her head, her tearstained face breaking my heart—which is a weird feeling for me because most of the time all Destiny does is annoy me.

Huh. Am I the problem here?

“I’m scared to tell her about my past,” Destiny whispers. “What if I do, and she doesn’t love me anymore?”

“Aw, D.” I smile at her, brushing the stray strands of hair away from her face. “I think Lizzie loves you, and you’re being so stubborn that you can’t even see it.”

“She was really upset when she kicked me out of her apartment.” Destiny sucks on her lower lip.

“She kicked you out?”

“Well. More like she said, ‘There’s the door. If you want to go, do it,’ and so I did.”

That’s a big difference. “Go back to her place and tell her you were wrong. Apologize to her.”

Destiny makes a face. “I hate saying sorry.”

“Right. Because you’re so stubborn,” I remind her.

She pulls away from me completely, wiping at her face and getting rid of her tears. “Fine. You’re proving your point. Lizzie wasn’t wrong.”

“She really wasn’t.”

“And I’m a stubborn ass who won’t ever give in.”

“No, you really don’t.”

“You don’t even like me much, huh?” Before I can answer her—and God, I really don’t want to answer her—she keeps talking. “I know I’m an asshole sometimes. I’m not as warm and fuzzy as you, Sienna.”

“Warm and fuzzy?” I laugh. “I am not that way.”

“People gravitate toward you because you’re so open and welcoming.”

“I am?” I frown at her. “I thought the only reason people are drawn to me is because of who my brother is.”

Destiny makes another face. More like a grimace. “Those people are around for sure, but you can stand on your own two feet. You just never allow yourself to.”

Her words feel like a revelation, and I gape at her for a moment before snapping my lips shut and averting my gaze so I can stare at a blank wall. I don’t know if I believe her, just like I’m sure she’s having a rough time believing me too. But she might be telling the truth.

I just can’t see it.

“Like that dude you went to high school with. The one who keeps texting you,” Destiny points out.

I might’ve told Destiny about Ryland and how he’s been texting me. And while I think he’s nice and he seems really into me, I don’t know. He’s not Gavin. And now that I’ve had sex with Gavin multiple times? How can I try to date Ryland? That’s not cool. I shouldn’t use him.

Besides, Ryland is too short for me—or I’m too tall for him. And if that’s the only thing that I’m hung up on, then how superficial am I? He’s a nice guy. Smart and funny. I keep brushing him off, telling him I have to work when he tries to ask me to get together with him, which I do. I’m just ...

“You’re scared to go out with him, aren’t you?” Destiny plucks my fears right out of my head and voices them into existence. “And is this because you keep waiting around for stupid Gavin Maddox to get his head out of his ass and realize that you’re pretty much in love with him?”

I am full-blown gaping again, and this time, I don’t shut my mouth. I stare at her, hating how on point she is. Why am I like this? “How did you know?”

“We’re not the closest of roommates, but you’ve told me some things. Hinted at other things. And I go to the bars just like you do. I see the way you watch him. And sometimes, I notice the way he watches you.”

“He watches me?”

Destiny rolls her eyes. “Duh.”

I didn’t think anyone noticed. For so long I’ve felt invisible to everyone, but maybe I’m not.

“I’ll never forget catching him on top of you in our dorm room our freshman year.” Destiny actually shudders. “Ew, men.”

This time around I burst out laughing at what she says. “I completely agree. Ew, men for real.”

“You two were really going at it. He had his hands all over you.”

“Don’t remind me.” My tone turns melancholy, and I sigh. “I made a fool of myself that night.”

“Um, he was the one all over you, remember? I don’t think there was anyone making a fool of themselves. Just two people who were hot for each other, kissing on a bed until I rudely interrupted you.” She offers me a small smile. “Sorry I did that.”

She has never once apologized for that moment, not that I expected an apology. It was an accident, not something she did on purpose. “It’s okay. Really. You didn’t mean to.”

“Actually ...” Her voice drifts and she drops her head. “I saw you two leave together that night, and I suspected you took him to our dorm room. I sort of went back to see if you were hooking up. Truly? I was a little worried about you and wanted to make sure you were okay. You were pretty drunk.”

“Destiny,” I breathe, shocked all over again. “You interrupted us on purpose?”

“I wasn’t trying to ruin your night, but I guess I sort of did.” She looks up, her gaze on mine. “I feel bad.”

I decide to be honest. “I wasn’t that drunk. You should feel bad. But ... I appreciate you watching out for me.”

“I was shittier back then. Lizzie makes me nicer, huh.”

“Definitely,” I retort, though I’m smiling because how can I fault her for making sure I was okay?

Destiny jumps to her feet, tugging on the hem of her T-shirt. “I’m going over to Lizzie’s right now and apologizing to her.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“And I’m sorry again for what I did. I hope I didn’t ruin whatever chance you might’ve had with Gavin, not that he deserves you. If he can’t see your worth, then why are you wasting your time on that guy? Seriously, Sienna.”

And with that, Destiny marches out of our apartment, shutting the door gently behind her.

Well. I guess she told me. And maybe she’s right. Gavin doesn’t see my worth, so why am I wasting my time on him? We had sex. And it was amazing. He said so himself, using all sorts of adjectives to describe how good it was between us.

Only to tell me to be patient and wait for him. I am tired of waiting for everyone. Waiting for someone to notice me. Waiting for something to happen to me. I need to take control of my own life and make things happen. Make friends. Make a man notice me and want me.

My phone buzzes with a text from where I left it on the dining table, and I get up to go check who it’s from.

Ryland: Hey. I have a question for you.

Speaking of a man noticing me ...

Me: What’s up?

I watch as he types, my gaze focused on the gray bubble and the dots moving inside. Women’s intuition is kicking in big time, and I know, I just know he’s going to ask me out again.

Ryland: Are you busy tonight?

He’s asked me this question a couple of times before, and I always blow him off. Yet he keeps coming back for more, which is surprising.

I should say yes. I don’t want to lead him on, but who am I waiting around for again? Nothing is ever going to happen with Gavin. I could continue down the same path we started, but he’s just using me. And now that I’ve had sex with him? My feelings are even more invested. He says he doesn’t want any distractions, but at this moment, I’m desperate for one.

And Ryland might be it. I don’t have romantic feelings toward him, but that’s only because I haven’t let myself have them. He might be short, but he’s not so bad.

Oh my God, I sound awful even in my own thoughts.

Me: I’m free. What do you have in mind?

Ryland: I was hoping I could take you to dinner. What do you say?

A dinner date. That sounds serious. We need to go somewhere casual. I need his entire interaction to remain casual because I am merely testing the waters.

Me: Okay! What time and where do you want to meet?

See? Casual. Meet him somewhere. Don’t let him pick you up.

Ryland: I was thinking I could come pick you up and take you there.

Me: It would be easier if I just met you. Do you like Mexican food?

Ryland: It’s my favorite.

Me: How about Hector’s? I could meet you there at seven.

Ryland: That sounds perfect. See you then.

I set my phone on the table, digging my teeth into my lower lip. I shouldn’t do this. Shouldn’t lead this guy on when I’m not interested in him, but who says that I’m not? I need to expand my horizons. Get out of the Gavin-induced haze I’ve been in. He can’t have sex with me and then expect me to wait around for him to get his act together. That’s not fair.

Life isn’t fair. I know this. The only way I can get over someone is to get under someone else. Isn’t that the saying?

My stomach literally lurches at the thought. No way am I going to have sex with some other guy so soon after being with Gavin. That is not my style. But can I go out to dinner with a male friend and see if there’s a spark?

I don’t think there’s a crime in that.