Page 12 of Perfectly Wrong

SEVEN

BISHOP

About two months after last speaking to Tristan, I walk into his father’s house.

“Hey, Rocco.”

He looks up from the chair he’s sitting in at the kitchen table. “Hey, buddy. How’s it going?”

“Good.” I sit down across from him pouring myself a cup of coffee. “Work going well?”

He nods, setting his paper down. “Not bad.”

“You?”

“Really well. Juggling more projects than I ever dreamed of right now.”

He chuckles. “It’s funny to me sometimes when I think about your path and how successful you are versus my path. You just made this incredible life for yourself regardless of any obstacles.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You know how I am about school. I feel like it’s how you get ahead in life, but then you prove me wrong.”

I sip my coffee. “There are lots of examples of successful people who don’t have college degrees.”

“Yes, but no one I’m directly involved with.”

“It bothers you, doesn’t it?”

“Only in the sense that Tristan is having a hard time in school. He called last week, and he’s just not as committed to it as he should be.”

Just hearing his name causes a flutter of lust inside. “What’s that got to do with me?”

Rocco smiles. “It’s hard to preach the value of education when your best friend is a prime example of the opposite.”

“Everyone’s on their own path. You, me, Tristan. He’ll figure it out.”

Rocco studies my face for a moment. “Have you spoken to him?”

I look up surprised. “Tristan?”

“Yeah.”

“No. Why would I?”

He half shrugs. “I don’t know. He seemed to be... comfortable with you. Maybe he talks to you. Tells you his problems.”

I should tell him. Right now. I should tell him I’m attracted to his son and that I want to see him again and that I want to text him or call him but I’m terrified of losing his friendship or making his kid drop school for me. I should tell him.

“About Tristan?—”

He lifts his hand. “Wait.” He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. “Listen, I saw how close you were. I want to believe that I’m still his best friend, and I haven’t been replaced by you. I don’t think I could take it.”

“That’s ridiculous, Rocco. Of course I haven’t replaced you.”

Rocco nods, studying his mug. “I don’t want you with him, so if you did something I don’t want to know, but you have to let him go. You’re not right for him.”

I swear it feels like my blood is boiling. “I know my dating history hasn’t been great, but besides the obvious age difference, I’m dying to know why you think I’m such a terrible person.”

He looks up at me. “You know I don’t think that.”

“I used to know, but you’re so violently opposed to me being anywhere near your son. That says a lot. So what is it?”

“Do you want to be with him?”

“That’s not really what we’re discussing here. You’ve made more than a few comments about what kind of person you think I am when it comes to romance. Maybe some of it I agree with, but there’s more to it, so why don’t you just fucking get it out.”

“He’s twenty years old, Bishop. He’s a child.”

“He’s not a child, but again, we’re not talking about Tristan. I’m asking you a question about me.”

“Fine.” Rocco meets my eyes. “You’re incapable of loving anyone but yourself.”

My eyes narrow. “Wow.”

“I’ve known you for years, Bishop. I’ve seen it. I remember what went down with Sean. And Mark. And James.” He looks away for a moment before shifting his eyes back to me. They’re filled with sadness. “And me.”

“What?”

“Me, Bishop. You’re so blind when it comes to emotions. You just block it out because it’s not comfortable for you. You couldn’t see that I was falling for you. That night... I wanted to make love to you so badly, but you didn’t feel what I did. You called me your brother.”

“Oh god.”

“But that’s not how I saw you then. I played it off to save face. For the record, I’m completely over it now. I recognized that I was never going to get your heart. So now, yeah, we’re brothers, but I remember the pain of your casual rejection. Forgive me, but I do not want that for Tristan.”

I’m stunned by his admission. Fucking stunned. I never saw it. Never.

“I didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“You mean the world to me, Rocco. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know, Bishop. You can’t see love even when it’s being handed to you.”

“I guess not.”

He grabs my hand. “You’re my best friend for a reason. You have a good heart, and you’re an amazing man. I think the world of you in all aspects of life.”

“Except romance.” I nod. “You think I’m broken when it comes to love.”

“If you could look me in the eyes and tell me you fell in love with my boy, that you weren’t just fucking around with his mind and his heart, that he actually meant something to you, I would try to understand.

I would really try. But if you want to tell me…

” He shakes his head. “Don’t tell me you fucked him, okay.

I don’t ever want to hear that. If it isn’t love, I don’t want to hear shit. ”

He knows. He fucking knows. “I have to go.”

“I’m sorry, Bishop.”

I stand, gazing down at my friend. “Yeah, me too.”

I walk out and sit in my car for several minutes, staring straight ahead.

Is Rocco right? Am I incapable of loving someone?

I had no idea that’s what he was offering me all those years ago.

I thought we were just friends with a close bond.

Is that what Tristan is offering me? And if he is, can I accept it, or am I just fucking broken like Rocco thinks I am?

There’s only one person who knows me better than Rocco. I dig my phone out of my pocket and dial.

“Hello?”

“Rachel? It’s Bishop.”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Do you think I’m broken?”

“What?” She laughs softly. “Where is this coming from?”

“Rocco just told me I’m incapable of love, and I wouldn’t recognize it even it was handed to me on a plate. You’ve known me almost my entire life. Is it true?”

“Aw, Bishop. I don’t think that’s fair to say. I just think you haven’t had a reason yet to give your heart over to someone.”

“I’m thirty-five. What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing. You’re a beautiful man. When we were together, I thought you gave a lot. Maybe it could’ve been love if I was a boy.”

“I’m just worried he’s right and that someone I care about could get hurt.”

“What caused this conversation?”

“I got involved with his son.”

“Rocco’s son?”

“Yeah, and he’s very against it. He thinks I’ll fuck him over because that’s what I do. Is that what I do, Rachel?”

“What’s his name?”

“Tristan.”

“Do you have feelings for him?”

I let her question settle over me for a moment. He’s been gone two months but…

“I think of him all the time, but he’s so much younger than me, and he’s Rocco’s kid, and I don’t know, maybe it’s only lust, and I’ll fuck him over, just like Rocco said.”

“Okay, let’s take a step back. Rocco is emotionally invested because it’s his kid. If this were about anyone else, he’d probably tell you to just see where it goes.”

“That’s probably true.”

“Second, I think you’re emotionally invested too.

You know what’s at stake here, and well, babe, I’d say maybe you do feel something for Tristan.

I’ve never known you to even wonder about it before.

You’re very level-headed when it comes to romance.

You know if you’re just into someone sexually or not.

You’ve moved beyond that into a relationship in the past. Don’t let Rocco’s judgments cloud your perception. ”

“Is it a blind spot though? Am I a dick? He brought up Sean and Mark and James.”

“You were a lot younger then. And you’re not Rocco. He throws his heart in the ring every time, but you need time and space to figure out if you’re going to put it in or not. Could you see yourself with Tristan or is it lust?”

“When we’re together, Rachel, it’s explosive. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I can’t stay away from him even though I should. I hate lying and going behind Rocco’s back, but Tristan just, I don’t know, he does something to me.”

“Answer my question. Is it lust or is it something else?”

“I don’t think I’m in love. We haven’t even spent that much time together, but…” I rub my forehead. Shit.

“Bishop?”

“The last time we spoke, I told him I would wait for him. I said I was his.”

“Wow. Okay. Did you mean it?”

“Yes.” I exhale slowly, floored by own admission. “I want more time with him. I want to see him again.”

“So, it’s something else?”

“Rocco said if I came to him and told him it was love that he would try to understand. Do I try to fall in love? Or do I leave it alone?”

“To answer that you have to decide if Rocco is right about you. Will you run and potentially break Tristan’s heart, or will you stay and potentially fall in love with him?”

“Right. Okay. I have two years to decide.”

“Two years?”

“He’s in college.” I laugh softly. “Fucking college, Rachel. He’s twenty.”

“So.”

“Yeah. Thanks for talking. We should grab lunch soon.”

“Anytime you want, gorgeous.”

I smile. “Things good with you and Paul?”

“Yeah, we’re good. You need to meet him someday.”

“I’d love to. I’ll call soon.”

“Good. Keep me posted.”

“I will.”

I hang up and look back at the house. Is Rocco right about me? I start the car and put it into gear. I don’t think he is.