Page 39

THIRTY-THREE

Playing: Tell Me It’s Real by Seafret

The morning after our sleepover in the couch fort is bittersweet.

We all detached from the situation in order to have fun with our omega in her heightened state.

She was jolly as she rambled on about fan theories of her favorite fandoms and asked us questions about our favorite shows and movies.

And when she finally fell asleep in the crook of my arm, I felt like I was on the top of the world.

I really don’t want to fall off of it today.

I’m making everyone pancakes when Kendall pops his head into the kitchen. “She’s awake, At.” I acknowledge him with a nod before he disappears the way he came.

I anticipate a very uncomfortable conversation this morning.

It’s a delicate situation, one that I’m sure none of us want to be in.

My alpha calls for complete certainty when it comes to the pack’s safety, and that now includes Stacia.

I’ll bear the weight of it this morning.

I don’t mind being responsible for the tough decisions, as long as everyone ends up being more than okay in the end.

I finish up the last pancake and set it on the tray with a pitcher of orange juice. There’s also coffee if she wants some, but considering what I think she was on last night, she probably won’t touch it.

The tray is heavy in my arms as I walk into the living room and set it on the coffee table. Ciro is holding Stacia close to his side. Her normally sweet lavender and vanilla scent has soured from her anxiety.

When I look at her, the sight saddens me. Her eyes look heavy and difficult to keep open, dark circles lining them. She wipes at them before finally speaking.

“I…” She pauses, trying to force the words out, “I’m sorry about last night.” She gnaws at her bottom lip, avoiding all of our gazes.

Uriah opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “What exactly are you sorry about?”

She looks at me, sadness pouring from her. The shrug she gives me is weak. “For getting myself into that situation. For you guys having to save me.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for that, Stacia. What happened wasn’t your fault,” Kendall replies. “So… you remember last night?”

She nods. “Yes, I remember. I tend to black out when I mix substances. I smoked a joint with someone, had a few shots, but it didn’t…” She halts her sentence.

“But it didn’t, what, Stac?” Uriah asks.

She only shakes her head, not wanting to speak about it anymore.

“Stacia.” She looks at me, and I speak firmly just as I do with the rest of the pack. “We are not angry with you. We don’t care that you went to that party, or that you took something. What we care about is your safety.”

She blinks, keeping away tears. “You don’t care about the drugs?”

“No, we care more about you being protected while you’re on drugs, considering what happened last night.”

Ciro squirms a bit next to her to get her attention. “What were you on? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Stacia swallows, “Molly.”

I heave out a sigh. It could have been much worse. “Have you ever taken it before?”

She nods again, before Uriah takes over.

“How many times? Can you… give us some background? If you do this for fun, and you really do enjoy it, we’re okay with that. You are our mate . We just want to keep you safe.”

Our words do nothing to curb her anxious state. She still looks guilty, sad . I want to take all the negative emotions away from her, and I’m furious that I can’t.

“I’ve done it quite a bit. Other stuff, too.”

Ciro holds her hand. “Like acid? You were on that the night we met.”

Her lip starts to quiver before she nods.

“Yes. I mixed it with alcohol after I got home, so I blacked out. Rory was under the impression that I had quit, but she found out that night that I was still taking it. Until yesterday, that was the last time I was on something harder than weed and alcohol.”

“You haven’t been on anything this entire time?” I ask.

She shakes her head and I let out a quiet breath of relief.

“It’s really something I started because Derek…” She takes in a deep breath. “Our relationship was hard to deal with. It was easier… a way to escape, I guess.”

The dots start to connect for me. “When did you start doing harder drugs?”

She gives me a sad grimace. “After Derek showed his true colors. Before that, I just enjoyed weed. But I tried a bunch of stuff after. Like xanax and other pills, but I don’t like them that much. I prefer psychedelics.”

“So, this isn’t just fun party stuff… is it, Stacia?” Uriah asks, his face solemn and concerned.

She looks uncomfortable, like she’s unable to admit it. That it’s not just party stuff.

She turns to Ciro. “Do you remember what you and Kendall said about intention? I’ve been thinking about that a lot, trying to find the right one, but I think… I don’t think I have a good one. I think the reason I do this is because everything is too much, and I’m not sure how to control it.”

His eyes stay on her face. “What’s too much?”

“ This .” Her hands fly around. “This change in my life. It’s been so good, and I don’t deserve it.”

Ciro’s face looks heartbroken. “You can’t honestly believe that.”

“I do. And I’ve had… reminders.”

That puts me on alert. “What kind of reminders, Stacia?”

She stares at the wooden floor, refusing to acknowledge the statement she just made.

“Stacia.” Uriah’s tone has her looking over at him, and whatever she sees in his face causes her to sigh.

“Texts. From Derek.”

Alpha fury immediately fills the room.

“I thought you blocked him,” Ciro comments, trying be the one with a level-head

“I did,” she says, “but he keeps finding ways to message me. It’s a new number every few days.”

I put my hand out. “Let me see them.”

She stares at my hand, then back at me. She almost looks guilty, which puts me on edge.

“Stacia, please. Let me understand.”

She relents. Her phone is on the coffee table after she dug it out of her pocket the night before. She hands it to me before sitting down and putting her head in her hands.

My first thought when I open her messages is ‘ jesus fucking christ .’ Her messages are riddled with text threads from unknown numbers, spanning back to weeks ago.

Sometime after I ran into him on campus, I realize.

And there’s new texts, ones that she muted from last night.

Her last text was telling of her frustration.

No wonder she relapsed.

I curse under my breath before I hand it off to Kendall and go to kneel in front of her.

“Stacia, baby.” I gently lower her hands. When she doesn’t look at me, I put my thumb and forefinger on her chin and softly move her head so our eyes can meet head on. “He’s spouting bullshit.”

“It may be bullshit but some of it is rooted in truth.”

Behind me, I hear Kendall curse under his breath while reading the messages.

“What truth?” I ask her, trying to gauge her train of thought.

She shrugs. “I did immediately start seeing you. It was so quick. What does that say about me?”

“That you found your scent matches ,” Uriah growls. I turn to see that he now has her phone in hand. He puts it on a nearby table after giving it a look of disgust.

“Us being scent matches doesn’t take away my free will,” she argues. “I was still selfish enough to take it, even though my old relationship had barely been over.”

I cut in. “Derek is trying to control you, angel. You know how I know? Because I told him you were my scent match. He’s grasping at straws because he knows what that means, he knows the severity of it, and that pisses him off.”

She looks surprised. I guess none of those menacing texts let her in on the fact that he knew. He only wanted to make her feel bad, and it looks like he’s succeeded.

Stacia stubbornly shakes her head again. “That may be true, but my parents used to say the same stuff about me. That must mean something , right? I must be the problem. And if I am, I can’t let my bad habits mess with you guys, too. I won’t let it.”

“Stacia.” She looks at Ciro, hearing the sadness in his voice. “Why are you trying to push us away?”

Her mouth gapes open. “I… I’m not , I just… everything is so confusing .”

Kendall comes up beside me. “Baby, you’re coming down off of molly right now, your serotonin levels are going to be up and down for a while. Things might feel a bit confusing, but we care about you. Everything is okay.”

“No.” She stands up, rushing to step away from us. “No, no . Stop being supportive. Stop telling me that it’s okay, it’s not okay. None of this is okay, and you don’t deserve any of it.”

“Doe—”

“ No , Ciro. Don’t you see? Everyone in my life is right about me. Derek is right. My parents are right. I’m selfish, and I take too much. I don’t deserve a good thing. I’m not a good girlfriend, or a good omega, and I don’t deserve a pack like yours.”

Deep growls emanate from all of us, even Ciro with a strong beta growl. “Stacia, they are not .”

“Yes, they are, ” she snaps. “I’ve always been spacey, forgetful, mindless . I’m not good at relationships, I fucking forget everything important.”

“What are you talking about, Stacia?” Kendall says.

She looks so uncomfortable, like she’s going to jump out of her skin. We all wait, patient and quiet. “It’s hard to describe.”

“Please try, angel,” I plead. She looks at me then, still hesitant, still jumpy, but then she nods.

“I have this problem,” she starts, “where I’m not really present.

I’m not sure what it’s called, but it’s been a thing my whole life.

I’ve always felt like I was watching someone else live their life, and my autonomy was never really there.

Like I’ve been relinquishing control to a body double.

” She winces. “I’m not explaining this right, but the thing is…

It’s too soon. I’m not quite sure what we’re all doing. And you deserve an omega who is sure.”

None of us can speak. She’s our whole world and she’s asking us to throw her away and forget her like she’s yesterday’s trash. She’s asking us to do something that is impossible.

After a few moments of silence, she swallows audibly. “I’m really sorry if I led you all on…”

“ No .” Uriah stands up abruptly, halting Stacia’s words. Their eyes catch, and we can all feel the tension in the air between them. It’s a feeling that can’t be faked. We all know it. Stacia is staring at him like she can’t breathe and he is the only one that can give her air.

He takes calculated steps towards her, holding her gaze in his. When he slows to a stop in front of her, everything feels heightened.

“I’m not saying that you’re lying or that you’re not going through hell right now.

The way you feel is valid, completely. But you can’t stand here and say you don’t feel anything for any of us.

Every single one of us knows what we have with you, and it’s not something that’s supposed to make sense.

Fuck, Kendall punched your ex-boyfriend in the face off instinct all because he overheard the bullshit he was putting you through.

” I hear Ciro chuckle under his breath. “It’s scary.

We’re all scared, but scents don’t lie.”

Stacia inhales sharply, closing her eyes and allowing all of our scents to wash over her for the first time since she walked in the room. She takes in his words, but tears still shine in her eyes when she opens them.

She takes a soft breath and whispers, “I’m too broken.”

A growl emanates out of my chest and causes her gaze to dart my way.

“You are perfect ,” I say sternly. “If you want us to help you, to figure out this problem with staying present, we will help you. But, please, Omega. Don’t run from us.

” I take a few steps closer, needing her scent to cling to my skin.

“We were literally born to help you with whatever you need. Use us.”

Her perfume gets stronger around us. I feel Kendall and Ciro closing in as well.

“What if destiny is just laughing at us?”

“Babe, it’s not. I could smell you the second we met, and that’s nearly impossible. It was kismet,” Ciro says, reaching out to take her hand.

“Please, let us take care of you. It’s the only thing we want to do from here on out,” Kendall adds.

She sighs, hanging her head. Uriah’s chest begins a steady purr, lulling her to his chest. She gets a whiff of our combined smells, her perfume joining and creating the perfect complete picture.

“Okay,” she heaves. “Okay. I trust you.”

I feel like I can breathe easy again. I rub her hair, giving her a kiss on her forehead. “And you deserve us, just as we deserve you. You are perfect. We will repeat it every day for the rest of our lives if we need to.”

She gives me the tiniest appreciative smile, placing her free hand on top of mine. She doesn’t respond, but she doesn’t have to. We stand still in our little huddle, basking in the love and support found there.

It’s the first hurdle of many, and we get through it cleanly.