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CHAPTER

TWO

Moira

“Bad girls who don’t keep quiet get punished.”

He may be dead, but Bert’s voice, and the threat behind it, has kept me from saying a word to anyone. They mingle with what my father beat into me.

“Children should be seen and not heard.”

When we were first taken, I was scared shitless, and worried about Belle, especially since she got a bad vibe initially. The guilt has also kept me quiet; why on earth would she want me to be ‘normal’ again, when the shit Alvin, Bert, and countless faceless others did to me threw that out the window months ago.

But she and Kracken keep trying to break through. It doesn’t work; I can hear them, but it’s like I’m curled up inside of my head, a gag around my mouth with my hands and legs tied behind me. I’m paralyzed and unable to move. I know she’s angry with me, especially since I walk away from her whenever she tries to talk to me, but I don’t want to contaminate her with my tainted filth. I’m so beyond dirty that despite the multiple showers I take every day, no matter how many times I scrub my skin until it bleeds, I’ll never be clean again.

Even with the help that Dragon and Wrecker gave me. The first time they came to see me, they both explained what they were capable of doing. It sounded like hocus pocus, but I have to admit, some of the terror I’ve felt since being taken has eased. Not enough to willingly speak, or even engage in anything they’re doing around the club, but I don’t wake up, a silent scream on my lips, multiple times a night.

Physically, I’m healed, and thanks to the medications that I was given, I wasn’t given anything from those bastards that’ll follow me the rest of my life. I know they experimented on me; I remember the agonizing pain from being whipped then having various substances poured into the gaping wounds. The man they call Angel healed all of that, leaving me with smooth skin once again, but at night, when I’m alone in bed, I can still feel it happening.

I think I’m going crazy, but if I don’t say anything, I won’t be noticed. If I stay in the shadows, I can’t be targeted. If I stay silent, I can’t be punished.

That’s become my new mantra, even remembering what Wrecker said to me.

“You’re a prisoner of your own making, Moira. You alone have the ability to remove the bindings that are trapping your voice. Dragon can and will dull those memories to make it easier, but ultimately, it’s up to you.”

Even though I never participated in the activities around Christmas, a small part wanted to help. Wanted to see the smiles on the faces of the families as they shopped in the store the club and community set up. But I was afraid.

I am afraid. What if I open my mouth to say something and I get taken again? I barely survived it the first time. I know Belle thinks I was a wild, party girl, but the reality is, I had a good time, but never let things go too far with anyone I was dating.

Instead of saving that intimacy for someone I loved, it was ripped from me by a bunch of sadistic, sanctimonious assholes. I can’t see my way clear to ever being able to get physically close to anyone again, especially a man.

Tears flow internally as I take my dreams of a huge family and stuff them into a box in my head, where most of the rest of my dreams now reside. I’m forced to walk this earth alone, even surrounded by people, because I can no longer trust anyone.

Especially myself.

I just wish Kracken would stop trying to break through, though. His unwavering kindness, even when I so obviously go out of my way to ignore him, is wearing me down.

So, I have to leave. I can’t stay. Because unlike Belle, I don’t deserve the good things in life. Otherwise, why would I have been treated so horrifically all those months ago?

Kracken

Discouragement runs through my veins these days. A few times, I thought I’d gotten in where Moira was concerned, only to be rebuffed once again. Sighing, I head up to her room to bring her down for some cocoa now that everyone’s settled in for the night. Only when I reach her door, and go to knock, it opens to an empty room.

She’s gone. Without a word, without a trace, she left me, left us, like a thief in the night.

“Moira!” I bellow.

I’ll find you, sweetheart. I’ll break through, but until then… I’ve been released.