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CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX

THE GOFFMANS

Alice sits at her desk in the reception area of the dean’s office listening to the phone buzz incessantly. She needs to pull it together. It’s Saturday, but the dean ordered everyone in just in case he needs something for his big day—when he gets to crow onstage in his white gown and offer his wisdom to this year’s graduates.

Finally she answers.

“Where have you been?” the dean says. “I’ve called several— Never mind. I need the speech printed again. And they were supposed to have gluten-free snacks for our commencement speaker.”

Alice shakes her head. Their commencement speaker, some giant in the tech industry, has a rider that would make a rock star blush.

The dean continues: “You need to run over to Safeway and pick some up.”

Alice doesn’t respond, her eyes snagging for the hundredth time that morning on the photo of Felix perched on her desk.

Every graduation day is hard. Every day is hard, actually. She carries a ferocious sadness inside her. But today is worse: It would’ve been Felix on that stage. Felix in the gown, moving his tassel from right to left, tossing his cap high in the air.

The dean continues barking something. She says “Yes, sir” without comprehending his words and places the phone on its cradle.

She imagines Felix holding his diploma, posing for photos. His handsome face with a broad smile.

Many say he was a hero. Risking his life to save the other students. Saving the FBI agent. Others aren’t so kind. The truth—the whole truth—is something she’ll never know. The surviving students must’ve made a pact to keep the full story between them. They defended Felix when a few jackals on social media and podcasts and true-crime shows speculated the worst.

A sob escapes her. She can’t seem to keep her thoughts straight.

The dean is at her desk now, his face stern.

“Alice?” he says. “Alice?”

He rips something off the printer, mutters about the commencement speaker’s snacks.

Alice stands. She feels like she’s in a trance. At the same time, something familiar is thrumming through her veins. The same feeling she had so long ago when she and Felix got on the bus with only the clothes on their backs and started anew.

She carefully unlocks the cabinet. Retrieves her handbag.

The dean is saying her name again. She doesn’t bother to acknowledge him.

She grabs the photo of her son from her desk, the only thing she wants to take from this place. And she walks out, holding his picture against her heart.

Today won’t be Felix’s entry into a hopeful world, a fresh start.

But maybe it can be hers.