Page 37 of Paint Our Song

“I don’t know why you think you’re a weird ass fan,” Calvin says. He tilts his head and the corner of his eyes crinkle, and there’s something there that Miles can’t pinpoint. “Did you forget that I’m the one who came looking for you? I’ve been wanting to meet you for years. I’m the fan here.”

He doesn’t have an answer to that, especially when Calvin looks at him the way he does.

“I’m glad you made it,” Calvin adds, because he’s apparently not done turning Miles’s universe upside-down. It rattles him even more when Calvin frowns at the loose hair in Miles’s eyes, and he reaches as if to brush it away, but then pulls back at the last minute.

Miles awkwardly clears his throat. “Yeah, uh. Thanks for the tickets and the backstage pass. For a while I thought I wouldn’t get to use the pass because there was a typo on it, but I’m glad they didn’t notice.”

“A typo?”

“Yeah. It’s for day one of the festival. Today’s day three.”

“Those dates are when they were registered, not the dates when they can be used.”

“Hm?” Miles frowns. “But I only asked you today.”

Suddenly, Calvin goes still, then he makes a face that Miles can only interpret as a cringe.

“Wait.” Realization hits Miles. “Did you arrange this days ago?”

After a beat of silence, Calvin says, “Yeah, because you said you might try to make it.”

Jesus Christ.Miles’s face blooms, and he looks away in an attempt to hide his blush. Suddenly, he feels stupid for ever doubting he was stepping out of bounds by inviting himself, because Calvin had arranged it way before he even asked. “I see.”

“Kind of wish you didn’t call me out for this,” Calvin says, avoiding his eyes and stepping around him.

“Sorry,” he says, not actually feeling sorry.

Calvin gives him a small smile and mutters that he’s going to go head to the bus, and Miles rushes to get back to the table before his arms give out.

Later on, when Calvin rejoins the table, Miles can’t help but steal glances at him.

Just his luck, really, that he’s clearly developing a hopeless crush on this absurdly talented guitarist, who’s withdrawn but still sincerely kind, who’s also vulnerable and shy, and who, for some reason, has yet to figure out that Miles is a fucking mess.

Or maybe Calvin doesn’t care that he’s a mess, which is an even more absurd idea to Miles.

***

Before he turns in for the night, Miles searches up Calvin and Theo’s name. He must be a masochist, because that’s the only reason he’d do this. He insisted that Gabby take his bed, so he’s on the pull-out sofa in his living room. The clock reads two a.m. He’s absolutely exhausted, but he can’t let this go.

They have fan clubs. There’sfanfictionabout them. There are articles and essays outlining the theories that they’re together, and animated GIFs and edits dedicated to them. He’s sure he’s seen some of these before, but Miles has never actually bothered to take a closer look until now.

He finds an old video of them with five thousand likes on the X app, and it’s captioned, “Never forget!!!”. It’s taken from when they were starting out and Calvin’s hair is shorter and his arm isn’t tattooed yet. Chase is taking the video. They’re in a diner, and he’s talking about how they just came back from a gig.

Theo, who’s still full of energy and animatedly talking about the gig, is beside Calvin. Gil makes a comment that Calvin looks spent, and Theo laughs and pulls him close. Calvin says something inaudible and leans his head against his shoulder, and Theo goes right back to his story, Calvin resting against him.

There’s a photo of them, blurry and zoomed in, where Theo’s napping on Calvin’s lap while he reads a book. Calvin’s hand is in Theo’s hair.

He finds an old interview where Calvin laughs as Theo tells a funny story about how Chase got left by an airplane. Calvin looksso… different. Miles has seen him laugh a few times, but never this lively. His cheeks are bright red, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. Theo’s hand is on his knee, squeezing it.

Fuck, Miles’s chest aches as he scrolls through this stupid black hole he’s spiraling into.

Why is he even looking at these? Now that he knows what he knows, the small signs are blatantly obvious.

Calvin and Theo were together. And they were happy.

He does notice, however, that they seem much more distant in the more recent videos. There aren’t clips of them with casual touches that the fan base puts too much meaning into, and no more stolen shots of them leaning on each other.

Chapter Eleven