Page 46 of Pack Scratch Fever

MISTER WHISKERS

I’ve decided I like this place.

It’s bigger and better than my old one, where I had to deal with a bunch of cats I couldn’t stand.

Kittens are obnoxious. They yell all the time, meowing and demanding they be held.

I also had to deal with way too many humans making weird faces at me and trying to pet me.

No, I don’t want your treat.

No, I don’t want to chase your fake mouse.

Ugh.

In my new home, I can perch as high as I want and judge the others from the safety of my towers.

Dad is my favorite person here. He smells like ‘nip, like the plants he likes to grow for me. He’s warm and comfy and doesn’t go out of his way to try to pet me too much.

We have a mutual understanding there.

He’s allowed to exist in my space when I feel like it.

Especially when he sprinkles fresh ‘nip on the ground and lets me roll in it.

I’ll even let him trim my claws if I’m in a good enough mood.

Mom is another story.

Mom was with me at the old place—but now that I’m here with her, she won’t stop staring at me when I hang out with Dad, like she’s shocked that I would ever do such a thing.

She’s decent enough, though. She smells kind of like Dad, just a little less tasty, but still good.

She always wants to pet me, which is annoying. I’ll tolerate it, just because sometimes she feeds me, too.

Dad gets me more than she does.

But Dad also likes to cuddle her a lot, so sometimes, I’ll join the two of them, and sometimes I’ll sit in Mom’s lap if I’m feeling generous.

My uncles are alright—the peppery one knows not the mess with me, and the flower-scented one seems a bit afraid of me, which I prefer.

But that uncle also brought home my sister, Snow .

I don’t even want to call her my sister.

Her portrait is on the wall just like mine, but she acts like she’s the only cat in the home.

She chirps all the time for attention and just loves to roll onto her back and show off her fat belly.

I could do that if I wanted.

But I don’t need to. Dad still gives me the best treats and freshest ‘nip without me having to do all that .

Have some dignity, Snow.

Seriously.

Snow does make Mom and my uncles happy, which makes them smell better, so I guess that’s a plus.

Occasionally, when my belly is full and I’m tired from hunting all the plush mice that Mom brings for me, I’ll pad into the big bedroom where all the humans sleep.

Snow sleeps with them every night, the suck-up she is.

But sometimes, when it’s late at night and everyone is resting, I hop onto the bed with them. I curl up near Dad at the foot of the bed and get a bit of a nap in before they wake up.

Dad is pretty awesome, especially for someone who claimed he didn’t like cats before me.

It’s a valid take. Every other cat is insufferable but me.

Mom is nice, too. I know she’ll always take care of me no matter how much I act up.

Don’t tell her, but it feels good to see her so happy.

She never used to smile this much when I lived with all the other cats. She had never laughed this hard before, but now everyone in the home makes her laugh, including me sometimes.

Snow and I have been at the new house for about a year, and my favorite place to hang out is Dad’s office. Apparently, he used to sleep there before Mom moved in, but now the only one sleeping there is me, splayed out on his desk while he works.

Dad also turned his office into a playground for me. There are ledges for me to run on, walls to climb, and things to bat.

There’s always mischief to be had in Dad’s office, especially when I can distract him from working and nudge him for pets.

I like to eavesdrop on everyone’s conversations, so I hear about everything going on in the house.

Snow is clueless, though. All she does is clean herself and prance around like a diva, while I enjoy listening to others and judging them silently.

Just like Mom helps other cats, Dad does, too. He’s a lawyer and goes after people who try to hurt animals.

Mom says it’s a big change from the kind of work he used to do.

Dad is basically a superhero. He fights for cats like me.

If I’m honest, I love it here. Dad is the best, of course, but Mom is a close second, and my uncles are next, along with Auntie Blair.

Snow is tolerable occasionally.

So yes, if anyone ever asks…

I’m happy here—the happiest I’ve ever been.

Cross my paws.