Page 48 of Over & Out (Redbeard Cove #3)

“So are you going to end it with him?” Dolly asks after a few minutes. Her expression’s neutral, like she won’t judge me either way, and for that I’m deeply grateful.

But just like that, my mind—and my heart—travel right back to Hopper.

“I don’t want to,” I say. “I just need some time.” For what, I’m not sure.

I stare into the fire, pulling my knees to my chin.

“With my dad, I wanted so badly to trust him, but in my heart, I knew he’d let me down.

I know I can trust Hopper. I need him to figure out how to trust himself too. ”

After our toast at midnight, Jess wakes up in tears.

I offer to get her, but Dolly refuses to let me.

Just like she refused to let me drive home.

“I’ve got a perfectly good guest bedroom here and there are spare pj’s in the drawers.

Stay and hang out with us as long as you want tomorrow.

” Her southern hospitality brooks no argument, and she’s gone to look after the baby in the time I’d need to refuse anyway.

Once she’s gone, I find myself suddenly exhausted, so I take her up on the offer. When I’m in the cozy loaner flannel pajamas and tucked into the fluffy spare bed with its handmade quilt, I think of what it would be like to lose the one you love permanently, like Dolly did.

I’m so overcome, I pull out my phone. I see that just before midnight, Hopper sent me a picture.

It’s him at Redbeard beach, at the log we sat on before Christmas. Just his hands, in front of the view of the ocean, a peeled mandarin in his palm.

I suddenly remember Cindi rolling her eyes at the bowls of them all around the house. I don’t think it was her buying them.

My chest clenches.

I hesitate, then type.

CHRIS: Happy New Year, Hopper. Over.

Three dots pop up almost immediately, like he was holding his phone. Like his heart aches like mine. I’m sure it does—worse, because of his father. The dots stay like that for a long time.

Then they disappear.

A moment later, they’re back.

HOPPER: Happy New Year, bangles. I love you. Over.

HOPPER: So fucking much. Over.

I touch the words, the lines blurring through tears.

“I love you too, Dirtface,” I whisper.

CHRIS: Good night, Hopper. Over & Out.

That night I dream about Dirtface. In the dream, he picks me up and calls me sweetheart. And, of course, when I pull off his helmet, it’s Hopper.I’m so relieved I’m angry. Why didn’t you tell me? I demand between kisses.

I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. The signs were there. Maybe I wanted it to be him. Maybe I fell for him before he was Hopper, just like I fell for the Duke. Maybe a lot of things.

I wake too early, my heart still aching as I remember that dream.

Heavy as lead with everything that’s happened and knowing what I need to do.

Dolly and Jess aren’t up. I remember Shelby saying her daughter loves waking up for several hours in the night and then sleeping in like a diva in the morning.

Dolly told me to feel free to make the coffee if I was up first, so I head to the kitchen.

But even though it’s not my house, I get another gut punch doing it.

Hopper’s prided himself on being the coffee-maker at my place these past few weeks.

I know that at home, his writing’s still on this note stuck to the can, noting the measurements I told him the first night he stayed there.

The man had never made a pot of coffee on his own before.

I’d laughed when he told me that, thinking he was joking, but my smile had dropped when I’d seen his embarrassed expression.

He’d missed out on the simplest things the way his life had gone.

I make myself wait until nine a.m. before picking up the phone.

Tru answers on the third ring. “Hey, Chris.”Her voice sounds resigned, like she knows what’s coming.

“Are you busy? I mean, I know you’re busy. You have a newborn?—”

“I’m not busy,” she says. “Kevin has the baby.” Her voice is kind but not questioning. She knows something’s up.

I swallow. I knew this was going to be hard. But not this hard. My stomach churns, but I press on.

“I…I’m calling to tell you I’m putting in my notice. I’ m going to figure out a replacement for you so you don’t have to do anything. I have some ideas, and I think Cindi can help out with some things. She’s perfectly capable of yelling at Hopper?—”

I prattle on until I realize I haven’t taken a breath or given Tru a chance to say anything.

I wince, holding the phone so tightly it etches lines into my hand. “I’m sorry, Tru. I didn’t want to let you down.” I feel like a failure.

“Chris,” Tru says. “Are you done?”

I blink. “I think so? I’m going to keep working and?—”

“No, you’re not. Hopper called me yesterday. Said I would probably get this call, though it’s a bit earlier than I expected.”

I sit up, stunned. “What did he say?”

“Well, I’ll be honest. He said he was promoting me when I get back.”

My chest is tight. I’m confused. “To what?”

“To manager. I guess he let Mabel go yesterday.”

I press my hand over my mouth, too shocked for words. “Mabel is like family to him,” I say after a moment.

“Yeah, well, I think you know as well as anyone that family can let you down sometimes. Don’t worry about her. Apparently it was amicable, and she’ll be well taken care of.”

I grip the sheet. “What about the assistant position?”

“He says he doesn’t need anyone to yell at him anymore. He’s, quote, ‘a grown man who’s perfectly capable of setting his own alarm clock and driving his own vehicles.’ ”

I let out a laugh, surprised, and in a way, kind of proud. “He is, you know. I think he just liked being taken care of.”

“I think so too. Now, he’s still Hopper, so he’ll be distributing a few tasks around between Cindi and Adrian and me. Calendar management and such. But overall, I think this is going to be a really good thing for him. Though I’m not sure you care about that anymore?”

The words aren’t cruel. On the contrary, they’re understanding, like she’d get it if I wanted to cut Hopper out of my life.

But I shake my head, even though she can’t see it. “I care,” I say. “Probably too much.”

We make arrangements for me to collect whatever I want from the beach house, and Tru says now that I’ve officially given my notice, she’ll handle my severance. “Don’t try to negotiate it, okay?” she says. “He won’t hear any of it.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I’m nervous. She tells me she’ll send the papers over for me to sign this week.

And just like that, I’m on my own once again. But this time, I think I’m okay with it. Because now, I have ideas. I have a kernel of something in my mind I can’t shake. It’s tiny. Nascent. And might take me some time, but I’m okay with that. Mac will take me back. I can save up.

I tell Mac that when he and Shelby show up a while later for Jess. He readily agrees, for once without an opinion. Just an “of course.” Dolly insists we all stay for breakfast, and I think it’s the best meal I’ve had in a long, long time.

While we all laugh at Mac making faces for Jess, my phone buzzes.

It’s Hopper again, with another mandarin, this one looking out from the front of a motorbike.

I smile, pocketing my phone, trying to keep my heart light. Over & Out , Hopper, I think. But I don’t mean it as goodbye.