Page 34 of Over and Above (Mount Hope #4)
Chapter Thirty-Four
Magnus
I’d agreed to talk with Eric but later ended up being nightfall by the time all the excitement died down. As much as I’d wanted to take a snow day and a baby’s birthday vacation day, I’d needed to dart over to The Heist to meet a repair person for the deep freeze and to make sure the skeleton staff could handle whatever passed for a dinner rush as the area dug out after the snowstorm.
When I’d left, Marissa remained at the house, helping everyone get settled with the baby. John headed to a friend’s while Rowan dragged Wren shopping for yet more baby things. When I finally returned, Marissa’s SUV was gone, and the house was remarkably quiet. I crept into the dark kitchen, intending to collect my dogs and worry about talking to Eric later, but quiet humming drew me to the living room. Both dogs were flopped in front of the recliner where Eric sat with the teeniest of bundles in his arms.
“How’d you end up with the baby?” I whispered, not wanting to startle him or Destiny Ericka, who appeared to be dozing from what little I could see of her tiny face. She was swaddled in a yellow blanket, a little baby burrito.
“Luck.” He grinned up at me, the same dopey, tired smile we’d both had all day. “Well, that and Marissa ordered Maren to rest. But she refused to nap without knowing someone was holding the baby. I volunteered so Diesel could sleep too. They were up most of the night.”
“So were you,” I pointed out.
“Eh. I’m used to it.” He gazed down at the baby. “Besides, I’ve got to keep my Grandfather of the Year award nice and shiny. I promised to return Destiny the second she seems hungry, but we’re at over an hour now.”
“Wow.” I tried not to sound terribly jealous but must have failed because Eric lifted the baby slightly.
“You want a turn?”
“Sure.” I wasn’t even going to try to lie as I carefully took the sleeping baby from Eric. Two decades of rust fell off in an instant as I swayed slightly, the familiar rhythm of trying to keep a dozing baby calm. I moved to the couch with the baby, and I wasn’t at all surprised when Helicopter Grandpa came to perch next to me.
“She has such a wise, old soul.” His tone hadn’t lost any of its wonder from earlier.
“She gets the chill vibe from Maren, thankfully.” I chuckled softly. “And the dramatic, slightly early entrance from Diesel.”
“Diesel did great today. You should be proud.” Eric sounded much fonder of Diesel than usual. “And I’ve seen way more dramatic births, honestly.”
“Was it hard? Watching?” I asked, meeting his gaze. “I know you. Not being able to offer much help must have been difficult.”
“It was.” Eric released a soft groan. “I’m learning there are some things we can’t control.”
“I think we’re all learning those lessons.” I rocked the baby gently, finding it easier to say what I needed to if I stared at her, not Eric. “I was trying to control you yesterday. Force you to be public and not listening to your reasons to wait.”
“And I wanted to control the situation.” Eric leaned back against the couch. “Control who knows what and how they react. Feeling in control is easier than admitting all the unknowns that neither of us can predict.”
“A lot could go wrong.” I hadn’t wanted to admit that the day before, but I couldn’t deny that Eric’s worries were grounded in a reality where shit happened.
“And a lot could go right.” Eric sounded suspiciously like me. “Like you said, we don’t have to break up.”
“I certainly don’t want to.” I gave a tight chuckle, eyes still locked on the baby. “But other bad things could still happen.”
“We can’t prevent that.” Eric exhaled hard like the admission stole his next breath. “Whether we’re together or not, one of us could still get sick or even die. Fires, floods, natural disasters. All sorts of negative circumstances could happen regardless.”
“True.” I looked down at the most miraculous thing to ever come into my life. “And sometimes good arrives when we least expect it.”
“If—when—life throws a curveball, I want you beside me to catch it.”
“I want that too.” I finally trusted myself to meet his determined gaze. “And it truly is okay if you need more time before going public.”
“I appreciate that, but there’s probably never going to be the perfect moment to tell people.” Eric patted my thigh. “And you had a pretty good list of things you want to do as a couple.”
“That’s the part that scares me. Not the natural disasters or risk of death, but the being a couple. I don’t know the first thing about sustaining a healthy relationship.”
“We can figure it out together.” His tone was far lighter than mine.
“Easy for you to say,” I said without thinking, and he abruptly withdrew his hand. Fuck. I was already screwing this up. “Sorry. That was insensitive. I meant you have the better know-how for making long-term work.”
Eric gave an uncomfortable chuckle. “I can’t compare us to my past relationships.”
“I know.”
“Hey. I don’t mean that as a negative.” He rubbed my tense shoulder. “You’re not Montgomery, and at first, I felt guilty for noticing all the ways in which you are different, but now, I think it’s freeing. We get to be our own thing.”
“Yeah.” My voice came out a weak whisper. “And I do get there’s no replacing Montgomery for any of you. You loved him.”
“And part of me always will. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love again or differently.” It wasn’t quite an admission of love for me, specifically, but his words gave me a surge of hope.
“Thank you.”
“All day, I’ve been thinking about timing. Maren and Diesel. The baby. Us. If we’d met in our twenties, it probably wouldn’t have worked.”
“Agreed.” I had to laugh at how much I’d changed and grown through parenting. My wild, nomadic years wouldn’t have appealed to a young by-the-book paramedic.
“But we’re here now.” He bumped shoulders with me. “And maybe we should take advantage of that rather than curse the awkward timing.”
“Maybe it’s the perfect timing.” I spoke slowly as I reasoned it out in my head. “This can be the right time for us while still being awkward or hard. Perfect doesn’t mean easy.”
“Exactly. And you say you’re worried about how to be a couple. To me, that’s the answer. We simply keep showing up, even when it’s hard.”
“I like that plan.” I leaned in for a soft, sweet kiss. The baby made a snuffling noise, so we sprang apart and then chuckled together. I let my head fall onto his shoulder as I patted the baby back to sleep. A yawn escaped my chest. “The baby’s sleepiness is contagious.”
“I know.” Eric arranged his arm around my shoulders. “I won’t tell if you doze off. The day was a lot. And this conversation as well.”
“But good.” I yawned again. My eyes fluttered, and I might have considered a small nap if not for the precious cargo in my arms. And if not for the sound of Rowan and Wren’s voices in the kitchen. “Kids are back.”
I stiffened, ready to pull away, but Eric kept his arm in place. “Don’t wake the baby.”
“You can’t tell them now .” I frowned, suddenly way less ready than yesterday. “They’ve had a day too.”
“Point taken.” He removed his arm. “Maybe a family meeting would be best.”
“A family meeting?” Wren wandered into the living room right as I slid over. “About what?”
“I bet I know.” Rowan cackled, catching my gaze. Oops. Maybe we weren’t as good at keeping secrets as I’d thought.
“Shush. We can talk tomorrow before my shift. Don’t wake the baby.” Eric frowned.
Rah. Rah. Too late. The baby made a series of little protests and started rooting around.
“She’s awake?” A very sleepy-looking Diesel strode up behind the couch. “Maren woke up with some sort of sense the baby’s ready to eat and sent me to fetch her for the next feeding.”
“Here.” I carefully slid the baby into my son’s arms. He seemed older overnight, with fewer traces of the boy who had been my whole world as he gazed down at the baby, who was likely already his whole world. Destiny’s eyes fluttered open, linking with Diesel’s, same shade of greenish blue, and I wasn’t sure my chest could contain the love bubbling up along with pride.
“What was that about a meeting?” Diesel asked with a yawn.
“It’ll keep,” I said thickly, hoping like hell Eric and I were making the right choice here. This thing was so much bigger than simply the two of us, and my abs quivered.