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R emi pulled up to Lighthouse Rehabilitation after she finished cleaning her last house of the day. It was only a half-hour drive from Max’s house and forty minutes from her place, which was important to know now that Max had taken to staying with her more nights than not. It amazed her really, that he could have the best house in San Clemente, and yet he chose her little nugget of space to be at. He said he liked that it felt lived-in and safe; it felt like home. She loved that she felt like home to him because he felt like home to her too.

Today was his last practice, tomorrow would be his last game before the holiday break, and she couldn't wait to spend that time with him.

Looking back on it, Remi had seen Max’s eyesight fade since they started seeing each other, since that first day; the boxers, the shattered lamp, the donuts, and the hummus. The night swim, Halloween, and cat jokes into the late hours of the night. Since making out in dark closets and making love in bright bedrooms, she had seen his vision slip. She had watched the struggle, the panic and the uncertainty wash over him. He was really good at faking it most days, but sometimes his fears showed in his panicked blinking, the way his hands braced for impact, and the way his breathing grew heavy. Some days he drank too much, and she drank with him. Some days he wouldn’t leave the house with her, so they snuggled up and asked all the questions that came to mind.

“Have you ever been in love?” he had asked.

“No. You?” she said.

“With a girl, Allison, in a billet home. Her brother found out and beat me up. That sort of ended it,” he had said.

“Beat you up?” she asked.

“Well, I didn’t fight back.”

Even the more difficult questions had come up.

“Do you sleep with hockey fans?” she asked.

“No… yes… sometimes… not much,” he stuttered.

“So, you do, or you don’t?”

“I have, but I didn’t like it. I never knew how to initiate it. I’m not great with…”

“Words, yeah, so you've told me.”

He went on, “I want you to know I don't have any STDs or anything. I get checked, I get physicals and stuff.”

“I don't either. I don’t sleep around much. I have, in the past. But not since my business took off,” she assured him, and it was a good thing to establish since they had taken up the bad habit of not using protection in the heat of the moment, as dummies in love often do.

“I kind of want to fuck you right meow,” he said, with a straight face, cat joke and all.

“Max Miller,” she had purred. “Bad kitty,” she said, pouncing on him playfully.

Some days, he simply handed over the keys and let her drive until they both grew too tired to drive anymore.

That was why she was here, at Lighthouse, one of the best rehabilitation programs in all of Southern California. She wanted to educate herself, so that when Max was ready, she would already know each step he needed to take. She would have the answers to his questions, the guidebooks on her shelves, the technology at her fingertips, and the apps on her phone. She wanted to be ready, so when he said go, she could take his hand and walk him through the biggest life change anyone could ever experience. A lifetime of vision, replaced by a future without it—it wouldn't be easy, but she wouldn't let him fail.

When she entered the facility, the door chimed, and she was greeted by a young woman who found her way to Remi with the help of a guide dog. Remi hadn’t even considered a guide dog as an option, but now that she saw the woman with the beautiful golden retriever at her side, she couldn’t help but feel an inkling of hope surrounding all of this.

“Hello, I’m Nicole, and this is Shepard,” the young woman said, holding out a hand to shake.

“Hi, I’m Remi. Thanks for squeezing me in today.”

“No problem. I’m happy you reached out.”

The dog, Shepard, looked up at Remi, his eyes oddly human. “Can I pet him?”

“Absolutely. Shep loves a good head scratch from new friends.”

Remi leaned down to pet the beautiful, well-mannered guide dog. “How long does it take to train them to behave like this?”

“Why don’t we let him guide us around the facility as I answer all of your questions; he loves to give tours.”

Remi smiled, hope filling her heart as Shepard led them through the building with confidence. This looked like a life that had promise—a future that had meaning. She saw a life where everything was going to be okay.

“So,” Nicole started, “Shepard was selected to be a guide dog as a puppy. He went through assessments and once he passed all of them, he began to train. He is my second guide dog since I lost my vision at fourteen to a condition called Stargardt disease. It was something we saw coming on, no pun intended, so my mother started preparing me for a life with vision loss right away, including getting me my first guide dog, Wendy, when I was seventeen, and now I have Shep. He’s the best boy.” She leaned down to pet the dog, whose tail began to wag excitedly. “Aren’t you the best boy?” she asked, and the dog knew he was, in fact, the best boy.

Shepard led Remi and Nicole with ease and confidence through the facility while Nicole explained what the facility offered: training, classes, technology, community, and counseling. All things both she and Max would need to navigate their future together.

The tour ended with the two of them in Nicole’s office, where Remi found a folder with all the information she could possibly need about Lighthouse sitting on Nicole’s desk.

“Can I ask you something a little more personal?” Remi said, taking a seat across from Nicole.

“Ask away. Part of my job is being an open book.”

“How hard was it for you? Losing your vision after having experienced life with it?”

Nicole took a treat from the glass jar on her desk and handed it to Shepard who happily took it to his dog bed nearby.

“That’s a good question, and I’ll answer it as honestly as I can, but take into consideration that everyone’s experience is different. I lost my vision at an early age, so there were many different emotions involved. I was mad as hell, because why me, ya know? I was depressed. I was also motivated to not let it ruin my life or stop me from living. I was scared, as anyone would be, and all of these emotions hit me at separate times. Some days were good, and some days I wouldn’t leave my room. But I had a good support system; I had loving parents who would stop at nothing to accommodate my disability. The second we knew what my future looked like having Stargardt, I started therapy, which I strongly recommend for your friend. I attended a facility similar to this and started to just prepare myself as best I could.”

“My boyfriend,” Remi started, “he’s got a pretty specific job.”

“Okay, there might be a way to navigate his career with his vision loss. Being blind isn’t always a career-ending disability.”

Remi wished Nicole was right, but she knew there was no saving Max’s spot on the team roster, not even with all the rehabilitation and preparation for what came next in the world.

“It will though,” Remi stated. “This will absolutely end his career.”

“Okay, do you want to share? I would love to talk through some options, and if there are none, and you think losing his career to vision loss will be hard on him, I can send you home with resources, and numbers for therapists that can be on call, for when he’s ready.”

Remi looked over at Shepard, happily gnawing on his treat. She looked around the facility and saw happy faces, kids smiling; people learning how to live happily while being blind. But they weren’t NHL goalies. She almost wished Max never knew what it felt like to be in his position, just to save him from the hurt he was going to experience, no doubt, once it was gone.

“Do you want to share? Or would you rather he shares when he comes to visit?”

“It’s just, no one knows yet,” she said, not wanting to blow his cover before he got the chance to tell his team.

“Ah, yes. He might need some time to wrap his head around it before he can admit it to others, let alone himself.”

Remi couldn’t agree more, only, she didn’t know how much longer he would have before he was forced to tell his team, essentially ending his spot in front of the net with the Condors. Two major losses in one year would be hard, and she realized she was terrified of what this looked like for Max, the man she loved.